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White Elephant’s Limbo 14 Nov 2003 – 10 October 2004 – London

Diaries Continued — Finishing my Degree

2012 Asia Return

Returning to Asia for my last undergraduate year. I tried to see a doctor about my legs but get messed about.

Darren’s brother contacts me but I don’t find out what happened.

Transport out the city is booked up for New Year.

I try my hand at making brief travel videos to try and earn some ad revenue.

I get a third class unreserved ticket to Ayutthya for new year and find out the attractions are dual priced and so spend the days lying on the ground in a field. I make some instructional videos about astrology, but they are lost due to technical reasons.

Come midnight 2013 I’m in bed listening to Gill.

2012 Report Card

2012 Milestones Summarised

2013 Start — 5 Jan to 7 Feb 2013

Starting in Ayuthaya and then down to Melaka.

I return to Bangkok, then down to Hatyai briefly. Then I returned to Malacca in Malaysia. There’s a new guy in Armada, but I manage to haggle the price and settle in long-term.

2013 Chinese New Year — Snake — 9 February to 6 May 2013

I mark the twentieth anniversary of when I started traveling, and am deeply touched by the film Cloud Atlas. “Our lives and our choices, each encounter, suggest a new potential direction. Yesterday my life was headed in one direction. Today, it is headed in another. Fear, belief, love, phenomena that determined the course of our lives. These forces begin long before we are born and continue long after we perish. Yesterday, I believe I would have never have done what I did today. I feel like something important has happened to me. Is this possible?”

I don’t really get on with the new guy. I buy an egg steamer and use it for various veg. The child development course starts and is harder than expected. I study, bump into the old hotel manager, then get ready to leave.

Archive: Oracle record (I Ching) for the year of the Dragon 2012/13

A record, unformatted, of all the questions I asked during the last Chinese Year. It’s unformatted and included for the sake of completeness.

Magickal Record for year of the Dragon 2013

Again, included for archival purposes, and again largely unformatted.

2013 Birthday — Siem Reap — 6 May to 2 September 2013

There’s a major retrospective dream update here.

I travel onto Siem Reap. I had the old room back and settled in for five months studying. Then book a ticket for my upcoming exam, including a trip through the Nordic countries and the west Baltics.

The eee breaks and I have to live without it.

Carly moves, which means I have a new address. While updating my accounts one messes up and freezes.

A huge branch comes down in high wind and nearly hits me.

I do a lot of magic, more than ever. I also try making a soda can stove and get more into cooking.

I have to live with a bedbug infestation, probably picked up in Poipet. Eventually I boil all my clothes and move on to Bangkok to start the journey towards the UK.

2013 Siem Reap to UK — 9 September to 15 September (including retrospective text update to 25 September, flying from Vilnius)

I make it to Bangkok and get a major computer virus that messes me about.

I don’t have time to update on the road but travel through Finland, Norway, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania.

2013 UK — 25 September to 11 November 2013

Retrospective update. I sleep at Helsinki airport then get the boat to Estonia the same day. Next day I went onto Latvia and ended up staying the whole time when there’s a good accommodation deal. I’m revising in malls and parks most of the time. Eventually I get a bus straight to Vilnius and fly out.

I had a lot of trouble finding accommodation and spend time in London and Kettering. I had to advertise for a long term room until I went back to Dawn’s in the Mounts.

I did the exam OK.

My passport was lost in the post. I needed a signature for the new application and end up meeting with Brian, Mother’s partner, for the first time in six years.

I also met Carly twice and also for the first time in about the same period, and got to know her a little.

I also went to the careers office three times, including a workshop — plus attended a job club for the first time in 25 years.

My vein issue gets worse, but my passport turns up early so I buy a ticket.

I buy a trangia stove and get used to an android tablet.

My last course starts.

2013 Return to Asia — 12 November to 31 December 2013

I stay at Heathrow for a night. There’s a huge storm in Tacloban as I go.

I get back to Asia and witness a real sword fight.

My last exam result comes back, 89%, highest ever score.

My back’s broke for the first week but then my health recovers generally, including the vein.

Travel is disrupted by political demonstrations, so I mostly focus on the course.

2013 Report Card (including 2014 aspirational, dharma willing goals)

Oracle questions asked 2013/14 — year of the Snake (unformatted and uncorrected raw text)

Magickal Record for the year of the Snake 2013/14 (formatted table with ongoing results)

Starting 2014 — 1 January to 31 January 2014

Bangkok grinds to a halt because of demonstrations. I slowly travel south and get a long term deal in a Malaccan guesthouse that comes with a kitchen so I can do cooking experiments. I finish my 6 year degree course completely. I go on a bit of a downer. My legs seem to be going bowed with the vein collapsing. I start looking into what I can do post-degree and all the options seem very limited.

Chinese New Year 2014 — Horse — 31 January to 6 May 2014

I go and try some survivalism on a local island and end up getting stranded in the middle of nowhere.

Magickal Record for the year of the Sheep 2014/15 (unformatted list)

Oracle questions asked 2014/15 — year of the Sheep (unformatted and uncorrected raw text)

Birthday 2014 — 6 May to 22 June 2014

I celebrate my birthday in Hat Yai. Then travel north. My camera broke, so I had to deal with that and get a new one. Then I volunteered for an NGO teaching program in Phnom Penh. I travelled on via Battambang, stayed in Phnom Penh for two nights, and took a tuk tuk to the language school, and a new chapter in my life.

First half of the semester volunteering at the school — 2014 to mid-semester break end July

Second half of the first semester volunteering at the school — 2014 to mid-semester break end July

Semester Two — Early August to November 2014

2014 Report Card

Mobile Interlude
My camera broke, so I used the phone camera. All images are included here as a retrospective, going back quite some time.

Semester Three / Starting 2015 — December 2014 to end February 2015
I move into an apartment with Ben, a brain damaged Australian dating a local from the office (Senglay) and John, the friendly Cambodian-born Alaskan. He’s full of allergies so I have to be careful not to leave lentil seeds anywhere. We realise that our electric meter is rigged and we are paying tens of times too much, as did the previous volunteers, though they didn’t realise and went through a witch hunt. Soriya took me out to lunch. My cyst flared up and burst. The volunteers realise that there is a series of secret workshops which only certain volunteers are being invited to, it turns out as they had booked through a website. There is a huge power struggle. Michael, the new head of marketing, turns out to be poor at his job. The school hold a debate competition and I am a judge. I get my purse snatched from around my neck by a motorbike thief. A starts to run out of money and so her house is sold. My health deteriorates and the proximal muscles waste. The semester ends. There are no student parties but the staff parties are some of the best days of my life. I felt bad as it was all over. I got quite close to Soriya then, a new volunteer for the next semester arrived, Brendan, and we all went out drinking. I go up to Siem Reap and spend a few days with Hollie, Liddy and another girl. I get really close to Hollie. They all leave. I have a ticket to the UK, mainly to get my health checked, though I see some doctors in Bangkok and they tell me it’s just bad nutrition/excessive dieting. I went to England. Couchsurfed around Birmingham, Nottingham etc. I see a useless doctor who is rude and loses my blood tests. I met my sister and we got close again. I went on a daylong spiritual retreat at a Buddhist priory in Leicester. I spent a couple of weeks in a flat with a Polish airbnb, and a week in a Vietnamese student slum. I bumped into Darren’s brother. I returned to Asia, made friends with Anne, a schizophrenic. I went down to Hua Hin and spent my birthday with a Thai lady I met on couchsurfing, actually a kidney dialysis nurse, and I meditate in a Chinese temple.

Semester Four — 12 June to 8 August 2015

I went back to the school and it was the finishing party for the semester I’d missed, which Brendan was on. I went to it and had a great time. Michael had started dating Metta, one of the volunteers. He didn’t come out but I went with three volunteers to a gay bar and a disco and it was great. The new semester started. Clive, the longest volunteer ever, is thrown out for unknown reasons. I moved into the house and realised Michael had put me in a bedbug-infested room as a joke. I stopped by Brendan’s new apartment and chatted until three am in his kitchen. Kayleah, from my first semester came back. Rina’s in my class. Hollie stayed in touch. I started really getting on well with David. I got a message while in the staffroom that my father had died. Anastasia hugged me.

Brendan left to Vietnam to do Celta. Rina had her birthday in the same class with me as a year before. I start really getting into toastmasters.

Semester Five — 24 September to 11 November 2015

I ask if I can have just two classes, a continuation of my advanced level (most of the students re-enrolled) and a new six, which turned out to be my best class ever. A photographer came to the school and I heard Michael disparage me. Ny calls me to the office and has also heard Mickey doing the same about him and there’s an atmosphere of mistrust and unhappiness generally. They open a school in Kratie. I made a film and launched an indiegogo campaign to publish my travel tips book, both of which fell flat. I decide to skip the next semester and go and finish a Celta to become a qualified teacher. I went to Thailand in the break for a health check and a rheumatologist said it’s bad diet but the abnormal blood tests are dangerous and to get it checked. An endocrinologist calls me racist names (not realising I can understand), and tells me to get a biopsy. I had quite a bad argument with Soso. Later we made up a bit and she comes to me for help because the volunteers won’t talk to her. When they do there is only one complaint, Mickey. One of the volunteers comes to work drunk and the students complain that they’re scared of him. Ny said I can leave early to do the Celta. Alley told me I’m the house favourite and will be missed.

Celta and Saigon 2015 — 10 December 2015 to 30 January 2016

I traveled to Saigon to complete the Celta course and become a certified ESL teacher. I miss my students but get on well with the new colleagues. A has some kind of a stroke and has to be sent for tests. I applied and received a new passport and had to pay a large bribe to get the visa transferred. I get on the wrong side of one of the trainers somehow, who was quite rude at the end of the course and said I hadn’t learned anything, though in the end I passed it OK. Rachel from the school came to visit me and we had lunch. I met a young student called Bii and her friend Vii and we hang out a lot and really get on. I start attending the local toastmasters. I give my third speech at Saigon Toastmasters, and I win table topics at University of Economics. I spend time hanging out with new friends and really get on with people from there. I was offered and turned down a teaching job, but in the wrong area and only an hour and a half. Apart from that, I apply for every school in the city and have one interview and no offers. I got some clothes tailored for interviews that never materialised. I had an online student I taught for free for a bit, though she disappeared. On New Years Eve, Phoung, a Vietnamese friend from the Celta course contacted me and we spent the evening together. A was diagnosed with a brain tumour, and given a few months to live. I help a school owner who wants to set up in Cambodia. There are hotel renovations and I have to suddenly move out, Bii tries to help me by getting me in her friend’s place, Vii is there, but it falls through and I end the relationship. There’s a Celta reunion party I attend. A dies. Alley from the school visits me and we spend a couple of days together. I decide to attend a Goenka retreat in Burma and am accepted.

Starting 2016 — 8 February to 13 February 2016

Mostly a picture retrospective. I left Vietnam, hung out in Cambodia, had lunch with David and Anastasia, met some mad characters around Capitol, and then left for Bangkok towards the meditation in Burma.

Chinese New Year — Monkey — 22 February to 25 March 2016

I go to Bangkok and have a brief affair. I recuperate when my heart breaks, then head north for the meditation. Crossing into Burma I arrive at the meditation centre, to be expelled on the first day because I am not able to physically kneel before the teacher (though I told them this when applying and was twice told it was OK!). I return to Mae Sot and relax, catching up on work and planning a Far East trip.

Oracle questions asked 2015/16 — year of the Monkey (unformatted and uncorrected raw text)

Magickal Record for the year of the Monkey 2015/16 (unformatted list)

Birthday 2016 — April to May 2016

Note: the story and pictures start a little before the actual day as the story was more about going abroad. Anyway…

I stayed in Bangkok and gave a couple of speeches and got really involved in toastmasters, won one award there, made some really nice friends. Then I went across to Cambodia. Toastmasters was in disarray and I gave a speech facing only Phallay and won best speaker award. I had lunch with David.

I went to Vietnam for a night, then flew down to Malacca. I stayed with the guy from Armada in his new place. Then flew to Osaka. I only had three days in Japan but it was an amazing time, best country ever, went to a Shinto shrine, had dinner with a local couchsurfer, absolutely loved every minute of it. Unfortunately, I had to fly out on my birthday.

I couchsurfed with a Korean policeman for three days, sleeping on a sparse apartment floor, and absolutely hated it. I ended up like a tramp, then couchsurfed with a trainee tailor, but the host hated me. I hated Korea, managed to change my flight forward and left. Enjoyed toastmasters in Bangkok. Passed a health check.

Semester 40 — June to September 2016

I went back to the school in Phnom Penh. There has been a huge political upheaval at the school and all the people I don’t like have been fired. The new semester starts and all is well, until they come back from the tour to start teaching. One of the volunteers dies in his bathroom. All hell breaks loose. It was an overdose. He was only early twenties, a young American.

We start getting over it but then Mickey comes and tries to get the volunteers to rebel and cancel the semester. I am at the house and able to warn the staff; disaster is averted.

Carly and I decide to keep the house we’ve inherited and share the proceeds fifty fifty from renting it. I had another dream telling me which shares to buy, so I buy them.

I start writing and producing an online course for teachers, with a view to starting a business/freelancer along those lines.

The beloved volunteer house is sold and we all get ready to move into a new one… well, I do.

Semester 41 — September to December 2016

Lida helped me move into the new volunteer house. I go off the school a little when my time is wasted at the contest. I made myself at home and started growing food as an experiment. My health deteriorated in the new house. I had a huge go at Ny, the academic manager, in an outburst that, I think, had far reaching implications. I spend most of my time recording a video course about ESL teacher training, plus start a new one about investing. I had a bad experience trying to give blood. David tells me there are not enough students for me to volunteer next semester, so I have to move out, but can have a paid job on Saturday only. I do yet another visa run to Vietnam.

Semester 42 — December 2016 to March 2017

I moved into Brendan’s old place. I lived there for a month, tried to be a couchsurfing host but no one turned up. I ended up moving to the tiny room at Capitol. Kevin changed his mind and stayed on but never taught again. The new volunteers come but I’m never really a part of their group. I launch the teacher training course but no one buys it. I get a job teaching business English for the state water company but only last a month when the bosses won’t communicate with me. 2017 arrives. Colin and Sara teach again with me. I am accepted onto the executive committee of the Toastmasters club but cause a scandal when I resign and then stop going. My ear goes bad again, then recovers.

Semester 43

Post-school period — December 2016 to March 2017

Oracle questions asked 2016/17 — year of the Rooster (unformatted and uncorrected raw text)

Magickal Record for the year of the Rooster 2016/17 (unformatted list) — note: although current magickal practice is a daily schedule rather than individual acts of magick nowadays, the file is included for the sake of completeness

Drifting — 2017

I stay in Bangkok trying to buy stuff to make my video courses. I get vaccinated and warm clothes to prepare for the Chinese winter. I get ripped off and disillusioned by the Red Cross. Carly sends me a parcel. I move into a brothel but then drift around a few places after an argument about money. I go to Battambang and stay in the cheapest place in the world and meet a down-on-his-luck guy who had a stroke while traveling. I go back to Phnom Penh. After completing all the required paperwork, my visa for China is refused and I drift around for a while.

Halloween — Community Movie Theatre — late 2017

I move into a much nicer room. I receive my inheritance and spend time studying the markets to invest it. I also make a killing (on paper) in bitcoin. I volunteer at the community movie theatre and end up working as a projectionist/ticket seller/bar man/waiter with a load of twenty-somethings, and LOVE it! I end up as manager for three weeks while the Dutch boss goes to Thailand. This is how I spend new year, serving customers and watching movies, and watch the movie I made myself.

Starting 2018

I carry on volunteering at the community movie theatre and love it. I get on so well with the volunteers and it is hard when one leaves. The owner has a fight with the partners and two other branches of the cinema close. This period is one of the happiest in my life.

Chat with Doria — most recent is first, so scroll to the bottom and move up as you read to make sense.

Chinese New Year — Year of the Dog — 2018

I also get on well with a German volunteer and I get my first ever cinema visit. Also I become close to a Belgian for a time. There’s talk of me going to Vietnam but I end up staying. I start my end of course project for the Masters first year, interviewing the volunteers about their experience (it’s a genre study of the sharing economy with a focus on politeness theories). David visits. A while later some volunteers from the sister school visit the cinema and I find out that not only do they charge teachers a 1500 USD internship fee, but David is the paid Saturday worker. I have been truly stabbed in the back. I finish the ECA on time. At one point all cinema volunteers leave at the same time and I am alone, but then a new batch turn up. With more time on my hands post course, I start working on a new online business. First customer might be Todd, long-time regular and resident misfit.

Note: I’m posting edited highlights of this on a hosted WordPress website now, thus this is taking too long to split neatly into new year, birthday etc. Because it is a back up, from now on I will just be writing when the entry is up until, season, month or something memorable/logical. I’ll maintain the edited diary format on the front page, which corresponds to video diaries I also publish elsewhere.

Ending — diary version up to Spring (April) 2019. Written 3 December 2018.

As I dotted the last word, Doria walked in.

Pictures up to Spring 2019

I interview volunteers for my Masters course, build a new website and meet a load of great people. It is the highpoint of the cinema life. Kevin comes to visit me, once we meet outside. I book tickets to Malaysia with a plan of moving on and volunteering in Hanoi. I get as far as Malaysia but my progressive illness causes a dislocation and I go on to Thailand but receive bad healthcare. I make a good few thousand on a stock I dreamed of (again), then go back to working at the cinema and catch a thief red-handed with photo evidence and get his ass fired. I get a new phone. There is a fire at my long term residence Kriss guesthouse. Doria finally comes back and we hang out together but I can’t stand her complicated love interests and tell her to go. The Chinese buy up my residence of one year and I’m kicked out while they take it up market. I move into the cinema. Long term resident Lukas gets kicked out and Todd gets banned. I go over to Kampot for Chinese New Year 2019 and although I didn’t like the first trip, I’m moving around Phnom Penh in crappy guesthouses and Kampot becomes a second home. Pete, whom I volunteered with three years ago or so and stayed in touch, comes to visit me. He proposed to Linda, the cleaning lady. She said yes, but the dowry is 30,000 USD and they break up. Last picture: 20190327_221616.jpg

Complete back up of my personal Facebook page

Diary to Spring 2020

We have an older Italian volunteer at the cinema. I get an illness, so severe I go to the hospital, but eventually recover. I went to Vung Tau and then Kampot but a pain in my hip gets steadily worse until I am needing to use a walking stick almost all of the time. I build a website about SEO and finance but it soon drops out the index and is considered a failure. Building work at the cinema, well, a skyscraper opposite causes much disruption as the Chinese build illegally 24/7. A number of volunteers accuse the Dutch boss of sexual harassment, he goes into denial but gets kicked off all the volunteering sites plus couchsurfing.

Now pressed for volunteers, I have to contend with an angry Irish farmer and the worst volunteer ever (probably), who was also the eldest. I go to the hospital as my leg is steadily worse. Eventually I fly down to Malaysia and am diagnosed with a narrowed hip space (and perhaps more) and will need an operation. I almost attend a stand with HK demonstration. I become a transcription volunteer with IMC. The Dutch boss announces the cinema will close this year. Back in Cambodia, physio helps me and I attend a gym. A volunteer who turns out to be a secret alcoholic is thrown out. A couple from Spain I don’t get on with but who have made themselves a permanent fixture want a month off, so I have to return for 30 days to cover them (ALONE!), then am thrown out their room when they want to return. A buyer for the cinema is found. Staff relations are strained as we fight all the time about hours worked. Global pandemic forces the cinema to close. Volunteers leave but after a month just the Spaniards are invited back… and not me! I get back into painting and wait for the world lockdown to lift.

And to wrap up this page and begin anew…

Well, I’m kind of running out of space in this page. When I started it I was finishing my degree, then I went on to the school and cinema. Now I’m locked down and a bit adrift. I was keeping the writing like this on the thinking that at some point I will find another free webhost and it will all go online. What actually happened was that social media took off and I ended up buying webspace and using WordPress, so this raw HTML format doesn’t fit into it.

Also, I lost steam/energy, as it’s all hidden and unposted. Really it’s just a repository. Though lately, I’m getting my focus back a little. What I intend to do from this point is to post more about my process and life on social media and my websites. There are public and private personas. Here I will keep all the work in yearly folders, starting 2020, and the folders within this will correspond to the channels and websites, which will have a published selection. There will just be direct links to the folders as it’s really an archive/backup for my own use. I’ll maintain the edited diary format on the front page, which corresponds to video diaries I also publish elsewhere. So, onwards to…

Diary 3 →

Mobile Phone Pictures 2013

As my camera was failing mid-2013 I took auxiliary pictures on a mobile. The period covered is roughly leaving Siem Reap to shortly after arriving in England.