Diary 060295 RAW OCR - Writing my Lifestory

MEMO JOT

[Sticker:

J. S. LIPTON

WRITER PHOTOGRAPHER

(ASIAN BASED)

notex

100 PAGES

Date: Tuesday? 6th February 1996 L. Spencer’s Superstore Cafe walk, Mahatma Ghandi Road, Bangalore, India. Lt. 3:57pm.

Ah the pleasures of India and unceasing art.

Mother is gone.

I could go into a deep analysis of what occurred but it’s on audio tape, suffice to say her lover (strange term, J) didn’t exactly gel with me, fights ect. So strange. Such a shame? Well, I had to leave without saying goodbye. As soon as I’m living somewhere for sure I’ll phone and enquire the situation, together with how things went.

Last night I had a terrible splitting headache. I went to bed but kept getting up with a depressed feeling. I realised it was loneliness. I think that’s the thing about all meetings, they end at some point.

It also made me think how I sleep each night and lose consciousness, so my consciousness isn’t constant. It’s a cycle of consciousness and unconsciousness like each passing thought or lifetime, we should cling to none of them.

Anyway. It’s all been a big disruption. I have no routine now. I must get back into typing and Chinese everyday, but most importantly: Meditation.

From now I shall do a twenty minute minimum. I shall look at the stopwatch when it feels right. If it’s less than 20 minutes I’ll add 5 mins each look to discourage clock watching and encourage the internal clock. I’ll count each time I lose my awareness and also the exact time spent meditating.

I must get on with other work also. Letters, the novel ect. Yeah, lets go!

[Diagram: Astrological natal chart drawn in blue and red ink with zodiac symbols around the outer wheel and planetary symbols inside, connected by aspect lines.]

25 February 1995 (Dara)

[Symbol: Red rectangle] = Progressed.

[left margin, written vertically: July 18 1994.

[Symbol: Red rectangle] Birth.]

[Diagram: Astrological natal chart drawn in blue and red ink with zodiac symbols around the outer wheel and planetary symbols inside, connected by aspect lines.]

[left margin, written vertically: 17 AUG 93

[Symbol: Blue rectangle] BIRTH

[Symbol: Red rectangle] PROGRESSION]

[Diagram: Astrological natal chart drawn in blue and red ink with zodiac symbols around the outer wheel and planetary symbols inside, connected by aspect lines.]

[Diagram: Two hand-drawn circular astrological charts with red and cyan lines connecting various points. The left chart has annotations around the edge and lines crossing the center. The right chart has words written in the twelve houses: SELF, MONEY, MIND, HOME, CREATIVITY, WORK, RELATIONSHIPS, SEX/DEATH, PHILOSOPHY, CAREER, FRIENDS, SUBCONSCIOUS.]

[Top left margin]

[Cyan line] Birth.

[Red line] Progressed. ♀ or = ↑ [unreadable]

[Bottom left margin]

Feb 8 96. _TRINE_

Natal Sun 12

Natal moon 4th

Progressed Neptune/Mercury 8th.

[Top right margin]

Moon ♀ ☿ exactly trine. 0° Aries 17th Febuary 1996.

[Bottom right margin]

21 FEB 96.

① ☉ ☌ MH – PEAK YEAR. (Career/Marriage. ② ♂ ☌ MH. Hardwork. rapid progress.

Avoid frictions. ③ ♄ ☍ ☉ Hardwork. Accident? PL ☌ MH – career change.

♅ / ♆ – Life direction.

– NATAL ASPECTS

Grand trine – moon/PL in 4th/12th + mars in 8th 73 + Asc. =

8-2-95

med- Book not counted 18:04:59.

(test alert shorter time)

9.2.95 – Lakeview Snackbar. M.G. Road.

Bangalore. LT- 1:37 pm.

I’ve done my astrology as you can see. I must co-incide ritual with it.

I’m finding alot of books about zen. They’re all expensive but I can send them home. I’ll have to save up.

Same day – 8pm Lt – Spencers Superstore, ‘cake walk’.

I spent far too much money today. I finally got the book about zen I’ve been looking at.

Anyway, about Magick, considering my current thoughts it may seem strange to still practice it. I do so because I still have to be conscious and the objects/situations aquired can themselves be an act of meditation. Each thing is a spiritual lesson, also it has meaning when it’s properly written up and photographed to leave a trail to the truth in the ensuing literature. Also the desire or not having it power can also be the meditation. When aquired I’ll still meditate. I think a perfect practice would be to have in place for the transit ritual would be to always meditate as soon as I wake up, YES! That’s perfect. Before I even smoke or drink. The practice would be wash, shave, meditate. This would justify the new magick. On days when I’m on the road or whatever it could even be eyes open or and whatever.

If I need to drink/smoke then this itself would be meditated upon and the desire observed.

Getting into that habit would then be the basis to aquiring the new things. So at night I visualize, in the daytime on waking I meditate to observe, then when it all manifests I _always_ keep to that practice no matter what. If I ever can’t I don’t take anything unless I’ve meditated, that is I don’t smoke, eat or drink anything other than water. I could do this by vow and reveiw it all on my birthday. I just thought that up now, it’s absolutely perfect. Not only would it have the benefits of non-attatchment, it would loosen my desire for caffeine/tobacco and would serve as a prelude to giving up.

Now it’s only left to decide exactly what the magick will be. It obviously will be something that aids the path I’m now on, leaving me with pictures and diary of tape record to publish to lead the way. I’ll have to consider exactly what it will be. That’s nice because if I start it all around the 21st then I’ll be finishing the book by then, well, on the way to finishing.

D- 12th Febuary 1995 L- Spencer’s Superstore alfresco fiasco LT- 6:50pm.

The waiter who remembers me just came to say hello. It’s nice when people get to know you like that.

I was going to wait to write this until I came back from the police to get my visa extended, but now I won’t go until wednesday when I have the money to survive against not having my passport.

The novel is coming alot slower than I’d hoped. I’ll have to buckle down.

Spiritually things are still fast. I’m reading expensive zen books and

will send them all home. I go round with a little notebook that I note my insights in. I’ll write that up later.

It’s so hard to explain my current thoughts but it has a bearing on the next magick so I’ll try.

In the Search for the Tao I am already enlightened. There is no self and even deliberated thoughts are spontaneous because if everything is Tao, then that includes deliberation itself.

Even with the minute amount of meditation I do I can see my thoughts are dependant origination. Ofcourse I can see it withoutside events but the inner reality is the self because there is no difference between within and without.

When I watch my mind it’s nothing, then a thought will start from an external event, which leads on and on and on ect. to just watch them I don’t forget the originated from the originator. They are the same. It’s a kind of letting go.

One meditates on breath for a number of reasons. I think as if you breath but only have to change perspective slightly to think “it breathes me..”

or a number of things can occur. You realise it’s all you are, just passing and you don’t have to do a thing, it all occurs without you because there is no self what-so-ever. It just is.

With the correct knowledge you watch your empty heaps, the aggregates, that’s all you are. The mind, a chain of thoughts relies on the senses, which are illusionary. When your mind is blank, free, origional, that’s all there is, so everything really is Tao, because it comes out of nothing as dependant origination from emptiness and it returns to emptiness, and that’s all there is.

So breath itself is also tao, it’s all there is because it comes and goes out of nothingness. So magick isn’t magick because there’s nobody to create empty form. The things of the senses aren’t really there, they’re created from within _crossed out: for_ from the inner emptiness. Everything is Tao

Say you produce _crossed out: som_ something, weather you make a model ship in a bottle or create £1000 with a magical ritual, it ‘occurs’ through the senses, that is

you percieve it, and supposedly when you don’t have it you don’t percieve it. whereas in either case neither happens.

Magick supposedly isn’t spontaneous because it isn’t it’s planned, but those plans are the Tao themselves. If you try to create something and it doesn’t occur _crossed out: it_ it’s the Tao, if it does occur it’s the Tao.

Don’t forget that the starting point for all this knowledge was letting go and saying ‘I don’t know’ and having the faith that there’s ‘something’ teaching me truth. By admission of ignorance my mind became a vacuum which nature was obliged to fill.

The whole point is magick really is very simple because it’s no different to any other creation. If it all only exists within and you are your breath then you can see whatever you want. From that nothingness and potential can exist.

I’m not explaining this well. I _crossed out: d_ know it’s true but I don’t understand it completely myself.

Well, the new practice is very simple. Anything created is as a means to be free, even if you don’t mean it to be,

all is Tao. Whatever you manifest in life, consciously or subconsciously is teaching you truth, because truth is ultimate release and anything else is pain and we are all striving to be happy. thus we are all striving for Nirvahah, weather we know it or not.

Say you manifest £1000, you may be happy, weather by ‘luck’ or ‘magick’ it came. But it can’t last, being a cycle that happiness is always changing to pain and vice-versa. So when the £1000 comes you can see your fear of losing it and when it’s spent you can see your pain. Happiness and suffering are the same thing when it becomes unhappiness you strive for it’s apparent opposite. What you are looking for is ultimate happiness, though it can’t be found in £1000. But by having then losing it that itself is an act of meditation, especially if you deliberately created that. The creation, aquisition and loss back to emptiness are just another cycle of dependent origination and by seeing this with the origional mind the chain itself can cause freedom, as when the desire for truth brings books & teachers. All these chains are trying to teach truth. So by creating your dreams

with a vow to learn truth from them you can be free.

So you have a desire for £1000. That causes pain / causes you to lose the origional mind. You resolve to discover the truth from that £1000.

Since it’s all Tao magick is easy, you meditate on the desire, then create £1000 and meditate it’s existance and watch it slip away. After doing the seemingly contrived, but actually spontaneous magick you let go to the Tao, and whatever happens you arrive at truth. Because when things manifest it’s rarely as you’d planned, it manifests as Tao, which is truth, it manifests the way that’s the easiest for you to learn freedom. So if you win it at a casino and lose it at a casino it’s absolute truth. It came from nothing, returned to nothing and always was nothing. It manifests in the best possible way because it never manifests and it’s appearance will show you that, exactly as does your breathing, it just happens. There is nothing but truth.

If we constantly create this illusion with the desire to be free as a lesson in freedom

why not choose your own lessons? Well anyway, that’s the general basis for it. The way (possibly) to eradicate desire (thus suffering) is to manifest those desires in a void and meditate on their fading, which is all people are doing unconsciously. But by perceiving it in the correct way you don’t stand in the way of the Tao. Your desires become your freedom – you consciously (spontaneously) create your desires and the pain of their subsequent loss embraces you to the void. This is so abstract that I need to think on it a bit more. I’m going to manifest milk tea.

13.2.96. It’s always strange to try a new place isn’t it. I would write exactly where I am here in the afternoon but I don’t know the name. It’s apparently a garden restaurant but is at the floor of a shopping centre, I think ‘Garden’ comes from the potted plants everywhere. Well it’s also one of those that DO serve tea (Hooray).

I don’t really have so long to write now. Tommorow is hopefully bank, police ID?, bookshop ect.

I was going to talk about the new method but when I look back I see I’ve already done that so there isn’t so much to say except the actual Tao to be manifested.

I tell you something that strikes me sitting her. I always refer to myself as I, identifying myself with me. I notice some writers talk about them’selves’ as a seperate person, maybe even with a kind of pen-name. I think this would be a better idea. Yes, that’s perfect [Symbol: circle with an asterisk inside] I’ll kill the self and it can tie in with the new practice. Whenever I refer to myself it will be from a new perspective and I will consider him / J/Various pen names. It’s much more sensible. It will tie perfectly to my new intentions. Even when I’m philosophising I’ll be saying he thinks this, he recognises that and I’ll change my inner dialogue to suit it. That really is perfect.

I hate it when restaurants serve the main drink after the meal.

I’ll have to think up an appropriate pen name. It’s all getting very meaningful as the time draws closer.

This all came about by not letting go and not knowing, just release and it came (The Knowledge). I think the same will occur for the new magick. Essentially I’m looking for truth and to leave the truth as a trail, a record of my path for others. This is in accordance with the Tao, I’ll manifest what I wish with the intention to learn to be free from it, to learn truth from it, then I’ll let go to learn truth however the Tao manifests. It will manifest the way to teach truth and be free.

I wrote to Junko last night. I considered that it wasn’t so bad the way it turned out. Staying together would have been an impractical and painful solution. There’s a manifestation of truth if ever there was one. I work, get published and smell Zen. The only negative is that she doesn’t write. Maybe these short things then letters are best? If I hadn’t have seen her before I left there wouldn’t have been a painful goodbye. I could have done it like Mother and

left as she slept.

Yeah, maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Well, I think I should have a ‘no holds barred’ policy from now on.

Whatever occurs from this operation it’s the Tao, so I can be free whatever.

Tommorow I’ll write the actual “attainments” for the operation. To manifest lessons in freedom and my record will be a lantern held high for the suffering to follow to cross to the other shore.

[Diagram: A hand-drawn astrological birth chart wheel with various symbols (planets, zodiac signs) in colored ink (blue, red, green, black). Red and blue lines connect different points across the circle forming triangles and aspects. Text around the wheel includes “AIR”, “EARTH” and various astrological glyphs.]

BIRTHCHART. DASC = 240° EARTH.

Grand trine + moon.

Pluto in feeling in family roots. [Symbol: trine] [Symbol: Sun] [Symbol: trine] (exact) = [Symbol: Pluto] Attracted to mystery, penetrating, investigative. Strongly sexed. [Symbol: square] [Symbol: Saturn] = schizofrenic. Defeated to active.

[Symbol: trine] [Symbol: Uranus] [Symbol: Sun] Energy positively used. Self confidence + intuition. Housewarmer.

Pl [Symbol: trine] ASC. _crossed out: Help_ > Come face to face with new phases in life, which break through easily. [Symbol: conjunction] [Symbol: Uranus] ASC. Lively streak. Blends energy of [Symbol: Aquarius] + [Symbol: Gemini].

[Symbol: Jupiter] [Symbol: opposition] / [Symbol: square] [Symbol: Neptune]. Idealism + Intuition. Artistic + Religious/philosophic.

[Symbol: Jupiter] [Symbol: opposition] ASC. Liver complaints. [Symbol: Neptune] [Symbol: opposition] ASC Take care with drugs. Trouble with feet. Wrong worker.

[Symbol: Venus] [Symbol: square] [Symbol: Uranus] Emotional Unconventional. Much need for freedom.

Sensitive, tension. Stubborn. Destructions in relationships fought against.

Pl [Symbol: trine] [Symbol: Saturn] Frustration + limitation should be overcome.

GMT = 6.15

Sidereal 2.54.46.

Interval 6hrs 15m.

2.54.46.

– 6.15.00.

.8 39 46

8.39.27

[Multiple stylized signatures/doodles of the name “Ritchie Upton” or similar, some with arrows or underlines. One has “6154” written near it, another has “109”.]

[Large vertical signature: Ritchie, with a heart and arrow drawn above the ‘i’]

15.2.96. 11:06am Lakeview Bar, Bangalore

(M.G. Road.)

Beat.

Brass.

Lines and curves.

Today the same.

I made it to the bank today but I can’t be bothered _crossed out: R_ with the police station.

It’s been a fortnight since I spoke to the family. I suppose I’m putting it off incase there’s a negative. I definitely will speak to them tommorow for sure. I’ll pay 5 days rent and then ask if I can use the telephone.

I’ll have to write the new goals also, plus get some post sorted out also. I’ve got a few bit’s finished. I’ll have to do an article also.

South India is so different from the North. There are only English travellers here. It’s a bit more relaxed. Less Religious. Less Smells.

17.2.96. 9:20am again in Lakeview.

Shit I’m in trouble now. My Indian visa expires today and I’m 3000km from the nearest boarder. Very bad.

Yesterday I went to the police station, which is supposed to be the best place (Bangalore) to get one. I got there at 9:30, at 12 I got served and they said a Tourist visa has to be extended at this other place. I got there 12:30, it was closed until 2:30pm. I waited. Then this ‘individual’ said a tourist visa can’t be extended? I think it can but we’ll have to see.

Big trouble.

I’m going to the tourist board in a minute to see what can be done. Then I’ll go & phone the embassy. The man at the police did say I can treat my visa from the date of entry but that’s not what it says on my passport. It leaves me up in the air concerning the manuscript. I’m not really sure what to do now. I’ll have to see. Maybe if I go to madras to get a new passport then it gives me an excuse. I really don’t know what’s best. Maybe it’s only a small fine? I really don’t know what to do. I bet the embassy will try and frighten me.

18.2.96. Mac’s Restaurant. Bangalore.

India. 11:01am.

I’ve been walking around looking for food for a long time.

I’m getting worried about the visa now. I couldn’t get through to the embassy. The tourist board said I can go and ask again for a special fifteen day visa. I went and it was closed. So now I have to go tommorow and ask again, if not shoot up to the border and be out within 10 days. I’m not sure what the’ll do for an overstay of ten days, hopefully not too much. Maybe just a fine? Maybe they won’t even notice? Probably. If I can’t get it tommorow (I will) it’s a sign I’m meant to be in the North.

Just think if the trains were delayed. What if this man tommorow denies saying I could treat the visa as from entry. I dunno. This too will pass I suppose. I really hate sitting here with an expired visa knowing I’m on the wrong side of the law.

Tommorow when I go and see him I’m going to secretly tape-record him I think

MEMO JOT

[Sticker:
J. S. LIPTON
WRITER PHOTOGRAPHER
(ASIAN BASED)

notex
100 PAGES

Date: Tuesday? 6th February 1996 L. Spencer’s Superstore Cafe walk, Mahatma Ghandi Road, Bangalore, India. Lt. 3:57pm.

Ah the pleasures of India and unceasing art.
Mother is gone.
I could go into a deep analysis of what occurred but it’s on audio tape, suffice to say her lover (strange term, J) didn’t exactly gel with me, fights ect. So strange. Such a shame? Well, I had to leave without saying goodbye. As soon as I’m living somewhere for sure I’ll phone and enquire the situation, together with how things went.
Last night I had a terrible splitting headache. I went to bed but kept getting up with a depressed feeling. I realised it was loneliness. I think that’s the thing about all meetings, they end at some point.
It also made me think how I sleep each night and lose consciousness, so my consciousness isn’t constant. It’s a cycle of consciousness and unconsciousness like each passing thought or lifetime, we should cling to none of them.

Anyway. It’s all been a big disruption. I have no routine now. I must get back into typing and Chinese everyday, but most importantly: Meditation.
From now I shall do a twenty minute minimum. I shall look at the stopwatch when it feels right. If it’s less than 20 minutes I’ll add 5 mins each look to discourage clock watching and encourage the internal clock. I’ll count each time I lose my awareness and also the exact time spent meditating.
I must get on with other work also. Letters, the novel ect. Yeah, lets go!

[Diagram: Astrological natal chart drawn in blue and red ink with zodiac symbols around the outer wheel and planetary symbols inside, connected by aspect lines.]

25 February 1995 (Dara)

[Symbol: Red rectangle] = Progressed.

[left margin, written vertically: July 18 1994.
[Symbol: Red rectangle] Birth.]
[Diagram: Astrological natal chart drawn in blue and red ink with zodiac symbols around the outer wheel and planetary symbols inside, connected by aspect lines.]

[left margin, written vertically: 17 AUG 93
[Symbol: Blue rectangle] BIRTH
[Symbol: Red rectangle] PROGRESSION]
[Diagram: Astrological natal chart drawn in blue and red ink with zodiac symbols around the outer wheel and planetary symbols inside, connected by aspect lines.]

[Top left margin]
[Cyan line] Birth.
[Red line] Progressed. ♀ or = ↑ [unreadable]

[Bottom left margin]
Feb 8 96. _TRINE_
Natal Sun 12
Natal moon 4th
Progressed Neptune/Mercury 8th.

[Top right margin]
Moon ♀ ☿ exactly trine. 0° Aries 17th Febuary 1996.

[Bottom right margin]
21 FEB 96.
① ☉ ☌ MH – PEAK YEAR. (Career/Marriage. ② ♂ ☌ MH. Hardwork. rapid progress.
Avoid frictions. ③ ♄ ☍ ☉ Hardwork. Accident? PL ☌ MH – career change.
♅ / ♆ – Life direction.

– NATAL ASPECTS
Grand trine – moon/PL in 4th/12th + mars in 8th 73 + Asc. =

8-2-95
med- Book not counted 18:04:59.
(test alert shorter time)

9.2.95 – Lakeview Snackbar. M.G. Road.
Bangalore. LT- 1:37 pm.

For two nights now I’ve slept on a stone floor due to the profusion of bed-bugs in New central lodge. He’s overcharging me on the tax also. I’ve paid for today but am about to look for somewhere new. An old security guard beds down outside my room at half eight so I’m unable to type. Yeah, I must find something new today.
I’ve done my astrology as you can see. I must co-incide ritual with it.
I’m finding alot of books about zen. They’re all expensive but I can send them home. I’ll have to save up.

Same day – 8pm Lt – Spencers Superstore, ‘cake walk’.

I spent far too much money today. I finally got the book about zen I’ve been looking at.

Also I moved. The new place is R 15 cheaper than I was paying but is clean, en suite, with window, curtain, SORN!, coffee table, telephone, chair, hot water, blanket. Great value. It was the last cheap place and if it had have been full I would have gone on to Mysore so it’s nice. There’s no tax at this one, the other one was supposedly 10%! Yeah. So I’m happy now and can start work again and get into my routine.
Anyway, about Magick, considering my current thoughts it may seem strange to still practice it. I do so because I still have to be conscious and the objects/situations aquired can themselves be an act of meditation. Each thing is a spiritual lesson, also it has meaning when it’s properly written up and photographed to leave a trail to the truth in the ensuing literature. Also the desire or not having it power can also be the meditation. When aquired I’ll still meditate. I think a perfect practice would be to have in place for the transit ritual would be to always meditate as soon as I wake up, YES! That’s perfect. Before I even smoke or drink. The practice would be wash, shave, meditate. This would justify the new magick. On days when I’m on the road or whatever it could even be eyes open or and whatever.
If I need to drink/smoke then this itself would be meditated upon and the desire observed.
Getting into that habit would then be the basis to aquiring the new things. So at night I visualize, in the daytime on waking I meditate to observe, then when it all manifests I _always_ keep to that practice no matter what. If I ever can’t I don’t take anything unless I’ve meditated, that is I don’t smoke, eat or drink anything other than water. I could do this by vow and reveiw it all on my birthday. I just thought that up now, it’s absolutely perfect. Not only would it have the benefits of non-attatchment, it would loosen my desire for caffeine/tobacco and would serve as a prelude to giving up.

D- 12th Febuary 1995 L- Spencer’s Superstore alfresco fiasco LT- 6:50pm.

The waiter who remembers me just came to say hello. It’s nice when people get to know you like that.
I was going to wait to write this until I came back from the police to get my visa extended, but now I won’t go until wednesday when I have the money to survive against not having my passport.
The novel is coming alot slower than I’d hoped. I’ll have to buckle down.
Spiritually things are still fast. I’m reading expensive zen books and

will send them all home. I go round with a little notebook that I note my insights in. I’ll write that up later.
It’s so hard to explain my current thoughts but it has a bearing on the next magick so I’ll try.
In the Search for the Tao I am already enlightened. There is no self and even deliberated thoughts are spontaneous because if everything is Tao, then that includes deliberation itself.
Even with the minute amount of meditation I do I can see my thoughts are dependant origination. Ofcourse I can see it withoutside events but the inner reality is the self because there is no difference between within and without.
When I watch my mind it’s nothing, then a thought will start from an external event, which leads on and on and on ect. to just watch them I don’t forget the originated from the originator. They are the same. It’s a kind of letting go.
One meditates on breath for a number of reasons. I think as if you breath but only have to change perspective slightly to think “it breathes me..”
or a number of things can occur. You realise it’s all you are, just passing and you don’t have to do a thing, it all occurs without you because there is no self what-so-ever. It just is.
With the correct knowledge you watch your empty heaps, the aggregates, that’s all you are. The mind, a chain of thoughts relies on the senses, which are illusionary. When your mind is blank, free, origional, that’s all there is, so everything really is Tao, because it comes out of nothing as dependant origination from emptiness and it returns to emptiness, and that’s all there is.
So breath itself is also tao, it’s all there is because it comes and goes out of nothingness. So magick isn’t magick because there’s nobody to create empty form. The things of the senses aren’t really there, they’re created from within _crossed out: for_ from the inner emptiness. Everything is Tao
Say you produce _crossed out: som_ something, weather you make a model ship in a bottle or create £1000 with a magical ritual, it ‘occurs’ through the senses, that is
you percieve it, and supposedly when you don’t have it you don’t percieve it. whereas in either case neither happens.
Magick supposedly isn’t spontaneous because it isn’t it’s planned, but those plans are the Tao themselves. If you try to create something and it doesn’t occur _crossed out: it_ it’s the Tao, if it does occur it’s the Tao.
Don’t forget that the starting point for all this knowledge was letting go and saying ‘I don’t know’ and having the faith that there’s ‘something’ teaching me truth. By admission of ignorance my mind became a vacuum which nature was obliged to fill.
The whole point is magick really is very simple because it’s no different to any other creation. If it all only exists within and you are your breath then you can see whatever you want. From that nothingness and potential can exist.
I’m not explaining this well. I _crossed out: d_ know it’s true but I don’t understand it completely myself.
Well, the new practice is very simple. Anything created is as a means to be free, even if you don’t mean it to be,
all is Tao. Whatever you manifest in life, consciously or subconsciously is teaching you truth, because truth is ultimate release and anything else is pain and we are all striving to be happy. thus we are all striving for Nirvahah, weather we know it or not.
Say you manifest £1000, you may be happy, weather by ‘luck’ or ‘magick’ it came. But it can’t last, being a cycle that happiness is always changing to pain and vice-versa. So when the £1000 comes you can see your fear of losing it and when it’s spent you can see your pain. Happiness and suffering are the same thing when it becomes unhappiness you strive for it’s apparent opposite. What you are looking for is ultimate happiness, though it can’t be found in £1000. But by having then losing it that itself is an act of meditation, especially if you deliberately created that. The creation, aquisition and loss back to emptiness are just another cycle of dependent origination and by seeing this with the origional mind the chain itself can cause freedom, as when the desire for truth brings books & teachers. All these chains are trying to teach truth. So by creating your dreams
with a vow to learn truth from them you can be free.
So you have a desire for £1000. That causes pain / causes you to lose the origional mind. You resolve to discover the truth from that £1000.
Since it’s all Tao magick is easy, you meditate on the desire, then create £1000 and meditate it’s existance and watch it slip away. After doing the seemingly contrived, but actually spontaneous magick you let go to the Tao, and whatever happens you arrive at truth. Because when things manifest it’s rarely as you’d planned, it manifests as Tao, which is truth, it manifests the way that’s the easiest for you to learn freedom. So if you win it at a casino and lose it at a casino it’s absolute truth. It came from nothing, returned to nothing and always was nothing. It manifests in the best possible way because it never manifests and it’s appearance will show you that, exactly as does your breathing, it just happens. There is nothing but truth.
If we constantly create this illusion with the desire to be free as a lesson in freedom

I don’t really have so long to write now. Tommorow is hopefully bank, police ID?, bookshop ect.

I was going to talk about the new method but when I look back I see I’ve already done that so there isn’t so much to say except the actual Tao to be manifested.

I hate it when restaurants serve the main drink after the meal.

I’ll have to think up an appropriate pen name. It’s all getting very meaningful as the time draws closer.

left as she slept.

Yeah, maybe it wasn’t so bad.

Well, I think I should have a ‘no holds barred’ policy from now on.

Whatever occurs from this operation it’s the Tao, so I can be free whatever.

Tommorow I’ll write the actual “attainments” for the operation. To manifest lessons in freedom and my record will be a lantern held high for the suffering to follow to cross to the other shore.

BIRTHCHART. DASC = 240° EARTH.
Grand trine + moon.
Pluto in feeling in family roots. [Symbol: trine] [Symbol: Sun] [Symbol: trine] (exact) = [Symbol: Pluto] Attracted to mystery, penetrating, investigative. Strongly sexed. [Symbol: square] [Symbol: Saturn] = schizofrenic. Defeated to active.
[Symbol: trine] [Symbol: Uranus] [Symbol: Sun] Energy positively used. Self confidence + intuition. Housewarmer.
Pl [Symbol: trine] ASC. _crossed out: Help_ > Come face to face with new phases in life, which break through easily. [Symbol: conjunction] [Symbol: Uranus] ASC. Lively streak. Blends energy of [Symbol: Aquarius] + [Symbol: Gemini].
[Symbol: Jupiter] [Symbol: opposition] / [Symbol: square] [Symbol: Neptune]. Idealism + Intuition. Artistic + Religious/philosophic.
[Symbol: Jupiter] [Symbol: opposition] ASC. Liver complaints. [Symbol: Neptune] [Symbol: opposition] ASC Take care with drugs. Trouble with feet. Wrong worker.
[Symbol: Venus] [Symbol: square] [Symbol: Uranus] Emotional Unconventional. Much need for freedom.
Sensitive, tension. Stubborn. Destructions in relationships fought against.
Pl [Symbol: trine] [Symbol: Saturn] Frustration + limitation should be overcome.

GMT = 6.15
Sidereal 2.54.46.
Interval 6hrs 15m.

2.54.46.
– 6.15.00.
.8 39 46
19
8.39.27

[Multiple stylized signatures/doodles of the name “Ritchie Upton” or similar, some with arrows or underlines. One has “6154” written near it, another has “109”.]

[Large vertical signature: Ritchie, with a heart and arrow drawn above the ‘i’]

15.2.96. 11:06am Lakeview Bar, Bangalore
(M.G. Road.)

Beat.
Brass.
Lines and curves.
Today the same.

I made it to the bank today but I can’t be bothered _crossed out: R_ with the police station.

I’ll have to write the new goals also, plus get some post sorted out also. I’ve got a few bit’s finished. I’ll have to do an article also.

South India is so different from the North. There are only English travellers here. It’s a bit more relaxed. Less Religious. Less Smells.

17.2.96. 9:20am again in Lakeview.

Shit I’m in trouble now. My Indian visa expires today and I’m 3000km from the nearest boarder. Very bad.

Big trouble.

18.2.96. Mac’s Restaurant. Bangalore.
India. 11:01am.

I’ve been walking around looking for food for a long time.

Tommorow when I go and see him I’m going to secretly tape-record him I think so at least I have some proof that he said that. I’ll have to see what happens. It’s intolerable.

[Diagram: A simple line drawing of a sad face, and some abstract geometric lines resembling a doorway or arch]

Now
Touched wood
Untouched wood
The air moves.

[Diagram: Several vertical scratch marks and a simple arch or mountain shape]

SATIATED
SEATED
TRAPPED LIFE
TIME DRIFTS.
[Symbol: two crescent shapes with lines and a checkmark above]

GROWTH
DECAY
DESIRE
PAIN

DESIRE
ACUSITION
DETATCHMENT
ZAZEN

THE BOY IS SEATED
THE PEOPLE WALK
THE SUN SHINES
TOUNGUES TACK
STEAM RISES.
THE BOY U SEATED.

19.2.95.

I’m about to go back to this man then, illegally in the country begging. Bad. (It’s 9:26 am, I’m at Lakeview, I just ordered a whole load of food).
The family is ringing tonight. It’s really silly because work is going so well. Yeah, it’s stupid. I now do 2000 words before I even go out.
I really hope I get to go to Madras. From there I can go to calcutta but already have a train booked from there. It will be a hassle finding a place with a suitable table.
If I do go there though it will be best for sure. I can get a Nepalese visa + Chinese before I leave. I’ll (possible) have three months from the date of issue. I can still see Bodhgaya but miss out Darjeeling? Possibly go back from Nepal to Darjeeling for a second book? Probably not. I’m not sure.
The main thing really is getting this manuscript (?Axxia) finished and sent off.
Jesus it’s complicated. Yeah, very much so. In Madras I’ll have to mess about at the Embassy for a passport and then extension and there’s still a chance that they’ll say no. If so I might still have a chance to see Bodhgaya as a daytrip? It all depends.
If it goes badly today then all I can do is pray and head into Nepal.

20.2.96.

This is intolerable. Yesterday he said he could only give me fifteen days if I had a confirmed ticket out. Ofcourse then I’d already bought a rail ticket to Madras. So today I went and got half the money back. I enquired about trying to get in again. At home there’s a meeting on and they wouldn’t let me in until 3:30. but yesterday when I returned at 3:30 they said six! It took alot of agueing to get in.

Well, I’m just back from the air line office where I got a useless Delhi- Katmandu ticket, USD 107 (B!).
At the moment I’m having lunch, then I go back. Jesus, this had better work.
Mother phoned. All is well. Geoff has completely missed the article deadline because he forgot there was one.

Wednesday 21st Febuary 1996 L- Spencer’s Superstore, M.G. Road. Bangalore, India.

It’s a venus transit today and tommorow and I can certainly feel it. I was up so early but so lethergic I fell asleep and spent 3 hours drifting between waking and sleeping. sometimes my thoughts becomes dreams and vice-versa.
I dreamt I was at ?renecaries with BMG. I ate alone though. I had to go and complain because the waiter took my food away before I’d finished. I then went to the room but was so downie, but hadn’t been drinking. * LUCID * I woke up.
Yesterday I went at 8am to get a refund. I got lost so had an auto to the station. Then I’d lost my ticket so got an auto back and found it was in my moneybelt all along. I went back + got a refund.
Then I went back to the government office but they wouldn’t let me in because of a meeting. The 4th time it’s happened. I now know they never let anybody in in the morning / early afternoon. I got a ticket instead. Then went back to the office. then I applied after having to go and get photocopies out. Now today is a holiday so I have to go back on Friday to see if I got it. If not God knows.
I phoned My Family to tell them, then got given the wrong order at KFC. One of those days.

With all the shit that’s been going on I didn’t actually get a chance to state the new magick. Since then, by living my life, things have again become a bit clearer.

Firstly I thought about a computer. The screen on the monitor is a collection of dots with the ability to change into any colour, so the whole thing is pure illusion but things happen on the screen by this illusion and people understand it. It’s life like. Now a computer can make somebody vegitate or play games or can be used to spread evil, or could be used to spread truth depending on what you do with the keyboard. So it isn’t the screen or illusion that’s important. A good person can use that illusion to spread truth to make other people see it and be free, but when the illusion isn’t there it can’t be conveyed. So this is very much the basis for the new magick. The illusion of life is used to impart spiritual truth.

Also when you do Magick there’s a time for things. For example today with my strange dream experience I am obviously in a time for bonding. By not having a definite purpose I am always at the right time. So if every thought is Tao, and so every manifestation is Tao. By having a plan you’ll work against it.

Every day your feeling and intuition can be your guide and then your expectations at that time are always correct. So a 4 year plan doesn’t expect for a car or job because it’s not in it’s nature to do so.

Anyway, considering the magick. What I gonna get!

I think obviously the book is foremost. To see it in print and earning. Don’t forget that this is all backed up by over a year of constant affirmations. Yes, I still do them. It all didn’t go too badly if you think about it. I ended up with a typewriter twice and wrote a novel. It’s definitely getting there. So firstly it’s novel. Now I’m not going to have a complicated list this time but will just have a few keywords so I always remember what I’m doing.

Now I want to continue writing of course. It takes a long time on the typewriter so something electric would be nice, maybe a computer. There isn’t much chance of me travelling round with one, which isn’t really what I want, but there’s no reason I couldn’t return to a place with constant access to one, also I’m still learning my Chinese while I do this, and I still don’t have a camera I like. So I think the next scene is writing, speaking Chinese and a camera.

Maybe the computer would be in an office somewhere, or I meet somebody with a laptop?

That’s definitely a better idea. I think a scene of travel and pictures also would be good. Possibly a shelf of my books.

Lastly I think if I see a Passport of a foreign country with my name on. That would be good + permanent residence stamps and then all the photos + Diarys in England being copied + put into computer. A good agent, possibly film script and thats about it. So the list is

Travel + Pictures *1
Book + Agent + Film. (maybe American with blond)
Typing + Chinese.
Passport.
Sorting Fieldstudy.

*1 The travel + pictures will include camping, meditating and a monastery.
_crossed out: Canada_
_crossed out: Snowman – Canada etc._
_crossed out: china – typing at agent in cinema._
_crossed out: to_

Yes, I think thats good. It will be good.

Recently I’ve come to the conclusion it’s best not to grasp people. A strange thing I forgot to mention is that ?Pianta the Indonesian wrote. She’s in America. It’s been nearly a year since she did so. I couldn’t believe it. You see this was good because she was a person that I never tried to grasp, I just experienced her so she never caused me pain. It’s a good thing I think. Possibly I should be heading towards a number of friends, but ones that are constant letter writers. If you consider my current mode of life it’s infinitely more sensible. It will always be good that way. Maybe they could even be meditators. I must write a standard agents letter (again!)

I think sorting my fieldstudy will be a forever friend thing. I like to think I’ll be with

somebody then.
I think that’s it for the magick now. I’ll finish by reading my published Biography. All of this can be added to or taken away.
So concerning the practice. Because it’s all created by me in my own world all I need do is breath the desires into at least a _crossed out: magnet_ candle-stick but also possibly a candle stick. At nighttime I unvisualise, using improvisation also. In the morning I meditate Before any cigarette so whatever occurs in my world I’m practising Zazen. Whatever I do or don’t have is then meditation. The object being to non-do while being free of it all in the same moment. I eat to live but eat mindfully to not be a slave to food. Using concrete pixels to discover the truth.
I am going to record the times again and the amount of breaks. I think it will help but I’ll review it. Also I’ll restart the Chinese today. I’ll review all this on my birthday. This is the new process.
[Symbol: stylized signature]
22-2-96.
Hey, I tell you something I’ve just thought. All the magick of last year is certainly taking a long time. If you recall I used a thesaurus to get power words when I constructed the affirmations, well usually the things that manifest cause ultimate pain, however I was very careful in their construction that it would [ Manifestation ] not cause anything percived as negative. Now in Bangkok I concluded the Clinical Study of greed and since that have pursued the prajna pramita so what’s weird? A lower manifestation would have happened sooner I suppose. It all makes sence if you look at it sensibly and rationally. I asked for a manifestation that doesn’t cause any pain what-so-ever so the only way that can come about is by complete wisdom or nonattachment, by understanding the void. In fact all the magick is a glourious success. I’m definately getting there. I like it.
Now considering my plan of writing up the fieldwork. This constitutes a settling down of sorts. Ofcourse (so I survive) that will only be temporary. It has to be done properly which means I’ll need alot of money for computer equipment and rent ect. During that time I may aswell formerly study Chinese. Well the point being do I wish to be alone in that period? My previous tendency is yes, I’d enjoy writing it all out more and the pain of separation is driving me to a single life. With this new knowledge that needn’t necessarily be the case. I really think people could come and go now and I would be unaffected. Maybe I should do all that sorting and writing with somebody. When I leave wherever after all that is sorted I will be leaving for good anyway. I’ll be off to live abroad or possibly a monastery so it isn’t so bad. It’s not as though I’m left in some flat with memories or something. I think it would be good to sort through or whatever. Especially if the whole thing is based on spirituality or whatever. I really think that could work. Maybe just plan to have a few friends and stuff. Plan to always have friends and never cling to anybody. I like it alot, and ofcourse everyone can write. I’m still in an ideal situation really. It’s all gonna work. If the affirmations are perfect it’s best to just weave and with truth, the details of perfect happiness are hard to write in advance and it only limits the Tao, th-s weave only and percieve the ensuing illusion to discover the truth.
Today is the 22nd February 1996. It’s Three years exactly since I left England. I’m planning to go to the Bull Temple plus the Botanical gardens to commemorate the occasion I’ll have to see. I must go home now and finish my chapter, it’s 10 to 12 and I’m in the shopping centre.
Hey! It’s tommorow I find out about my visa and if I’m going to jail or not. also tommorow it’s junkos 26th Birthday and Sunday it’s 3 years since I met SunTree. Today is also Thomas’s birthday. It’s anniversary time. Well, I’d better get on.
D. 23-2-96 (Junkos Birthday) T- 3:41pm. L. Spencers Superstore, Bangalore. C.M.G. Road.
I’m just back from Immigration. They said come back tommorow. He said I can definitely have it then though so it’s hopeful. I said I’ll phone Ann today and I’ll have to phone her tommorow also. It’s a nightmare really.
Work is O.K. I think meditating first thing really helps plus I cleaned everything up

today and I’ve done my Chinese over the past couple of days. I think I’ll try and draft, maybe even finish the second article today so I can send it tommorow, though I don’t think that place will be open in the afternoon, actually it might be. Yeah so I’ll do the article + a letter to Geast and decide what my next letter is going to be to from the writers directory. I should really be aiming at a letter a week at least. When the script is done I’ll be doing maybe two a day in the times I’m not travelling. I’m noised about by having to go back to the police tommorow. I think… [ what if it’s a trick to arrest me? ] If I can do two chaps a day I should be finished in 6 days. 2 days for a real correction plus a synopsis and one day to rewrite the first chapter. A day to photocopy + sort and then the same day stitch the pages alone in paper bags, then finally on the last day I have the scripts

stitched into folders and sent, possibly the same day? I leave to madras to apply visas. I think if I can maybe extend again there on the grounds of getting a passport? I’ll have to get a refund on my ticket also. This man in immigration I think is only going to give me 30 days until my air-ticket. That’ll be 28 days from when I pick it up, so if I can’t extend in Madras I’ll have to apply visa’s in my current passport and get a new passport in China! which will at least mean I can stay there a long time, possibly do a script there, it depends where the embassy is? If there’s one in the west I’ll do it, on there! Maybe there’s an embassy in Nanning? It depends on what the city is like, if I can be sure of getting a good room, I could possibly be better staying in the sub-continent to write where I know the rooms are cheap. I was thinking about how good my chinese would get if I was on the

mainland. I really don’t know. It all depends once this receipt is done and sent off it shall be a weight off my mind and no doubt about it.

25th Febuary 1995 – Lakeview Milk bar, M.G. Road. Bangalore. India.

It’s three years to the day since I met Sumitra.
I’m just back from the 3rd police station, where I have to return tommorow to take their report back to the second station where I’ll hopefully get a report. I’m going to eat here now, then go to work. I’m doing an agents letter plus article. Hopefully I’ll be mostly done within a week, especially if the visa problem is over by then. I’m not sure what I’m going to do. It looks like I’m going to be stuck in flying out of Delhi, maybe I can change that in Madras? I don’t have much time now.

The good thing about the agents letter is once it’s drafted it will form the basis of all the other letters, it will be the same with the publishers. The one wrote or over a letter so I’ll go through all the ones that also want a letter. Then I’ll do another letter for the ones that request a 3 chapters ect. Until they’re all done. That will be about it, then do exactly the same with the publishers. I think once I have the base letters done I could average two a day when I’m not moving. It really is very pressing. After the U.K. publishers I’ll do the same for the U.S. Then I’ll try the Arts council for a grant. The sky really is the limit. Maybe I could even write to prizes to see if I could submit. Then there are bursurys and grants ect. that are given out to writers to accomplish a specific project. I could write and moan about my big project to catalogue it all, the trip I mean. then use the money for

computer equipment. Jasper ect. Say it was around seven thousand tho that would be enough. I could buy all I need from that and it would be enough to entise me home. (home?) well, back to U.K. The flat would be ready and I already have ideas how to make money from journalism, possibly enough to support myself. Yeah, I must get on with it. I’m going home to write.

Date: 27th Febuary 1996 L. Spencers’ superstore alveso’ cakewalk. T. 4:21pm.

I did my chapter for today. I’m hoping for two.

LEAVE
THE
FIRST PERSON.

He thinks the magick’s going well. In the evening there’s trouble remembering the order and subjects of the visualization. There needs to be some system whereby things are remembered in their entirety and correct order. Though it mustn’t be an overly complicated system like the last time, a greatly simplified version will do.

This morning meditation was good. He decided that it was undesirable to keep a record of breaks at the moment. While concentrating on breath the unreality of thoughts was perceived as if they exist from other senses, thus thoughts cannot be real. This caused a sensation like “becoming breath itself”. It felt closer to emptiness.

To get back to Magick.
The goods are basically.

[circled: OUT]

That’s alot easier. _crossed out: This morning_ he will see if that can be remembered, if not then it will be put in the little book for concentration.

28.2.96 – The big Shopping place with an in doors ‘garden’ restaurant, Bangalore – 2.48pm.

I thought I wasn’t going to get to be anywhere again today, that is eat. It’s so busy outside. Because I got up so much later I didn’t do a first chapter before I left and now it’s all anxiously waiting for me. I think I can battle through though. I think it’s going to take a long time to get served. (no, the man).
STOP I.
Once he used to believe in the illusion of life. Almost everybody is dragged in. Most of that illusion centers around not thinking about certain things or maybe thinking too much. You can get lost in thought and not see things as they are.
I’m obsessed with (HE IS!) Sperm. not his own, _crossed out: homosex_ as an. Not realising pure awareness that constitutes I’m an individual life in space. The only reason it is not accepted not in the face of it being plainly obvious, is it would negate “Human rights” and force us to rethink many things, and noone with an ego would like to have to think of themselves in that way, then what is what?
Oh shut up!
He wants to get some headed stationary. It needn’t be really cheap and would certainly look better on letter-heads. I could get something like J.S. Lipton, writer, photographer, (asian based). & the press would pay.
Contact address:- 4 St. matthew ave.
It would make it all the clearer.
It depends on getting something good quality, or finding good printers. I’m still going to start writing to publishers anyway but with a view to selling some. I’d be able to use it for articles also so I don’t see why not.
Another thing, when the manuscript turns up U.K. Ann can phone all the newspapers because it’s “Newsy” which would be even more publicity. If there’s alot of rejection letter then that could be another article? I must write to Ann and tell _crossed out: X_ he must write to Ann and tell her all this.
His knee is very painful presently.
Magick cont.
I must buy some cella wood, I’m going to pack the scripts up with it, _crossed out: make_ newspaper. HK!
The letter from Martin is still a shock. It’s going to Madras so he’ll receive it there,

29.2.96 – Spencers. 5ish.

I just ordered the stationary, they put the price up when I got there. Still, I’m picking it up Mon for the letter heads, tuesday for the stickers. (HE!). The stickers will be good for return addresses and to seal unglued envelopes.

2.3.96 – Lakeview Milk Bar, M.G. Rd. Bangalore, India.

Why is everything taking so long. I’m hoping to finish the manuscript tommorow. Monday will be a full day correcting. _crossed out: Tues_ hopefully finished by pm. so I can put it in the photocopier. Tuesday I get the first stitching done + send the one by airmail? Next I pack it all up a second time and Wed get the whole thing sent. I get the stationary on Mon (hopefully) so as I won’t be writing then I’ll try to _crossed out: 3_ 3 letters a day minimum while I’ve got the other stuff to do. When I settle next I’ll try for five a day. I’ll do it intermittently until I settle.

3.3.96 – Maco, M.G. Rd. 3pm.

[Symbol: Large D with a swooping underline]

I’m starting to screw the time up again. I can’t beleive it. beleive? believe? it what whatever, let it be known I question the reality of the situation.
Yesterday I was up around 3am and worked all day, happily completing my todo and deadline by 1am. However I couldn’t sleep until about 5ish so I’m up now in the afternoon. It’s madness, dunno why I think so, I should be used to it by now. I’m almost finished, I’m hoping it will be over today. Maybe I’m a drunkard. My sleepless night of yesterday was my first sober night for ages. I felt awful also. Just considering how long it is since I spoke to anyone. It’s pathetic. I’m dying for a drink. it’s worrying. Still, I might stay sober. I think it’s pure depersonalisation and boredom. I don’t drink when I’m travelling or when I first get to a place. It is pure boredom. I didn’t really want to write like this I was going to concentrate on work!

I should finish this evening. I need ?one ?more day? to correct so that will be Monday, but also to type the synopsis, I’m pretty sure I can do that the same day on Monday. then Monday the paper should be ready so possibly do a few letters then + tuesday. I’ll need a day to photocopy + sort but will hope to get the first stitching done the same day. Next day I’ll get it stitched proper and sent, together with a couple of books, around ten? publishers letters, letter to Mav, then I’m finished. Completely done, I can go off to Madras satisfied.
I’ve still got to get a refund on my ticket. I’m going to phone the embassy first to see the chance of getting a renewal + how long an extension would take, how long in Katmandu, if there’s an Embassy in West China where I could extend instead. Then I’ll hope to write a second book then around

September 3 It’s all up in the air but I need around four months of writing letter + Chinese I think. Once it’s clear I’ll have more time, I’ll need to send for more stamps + reply coupons, ribbons also for when I start the next book, the U.K ones are best because they stop the keys going through the paper.

3 dreams.

Lost nightrun credit card being reused.

Before that speaking Chinese to 3 black women – them telling me the Chinese were rude.

inbetween those two. being on a ship and realising as I woke it meant I wasn’t ready to go home.

4-3-95. Spencers 5pm.

[circled: DREAM]

I was entering a country or something through a turnstile. I was carrying an ISD payphone with me. I asked the borderguards and they said they couldn’t look after it but in the end they put it somewhere for me.
Then I was with a girl. We went back to the borderpost but it was deserted so we looked for the phonebooth but we couldn’t find it. We went up some stairs in this rickety old house. At the top was an albino man. He came out, I thought he was going to attack us but he just spoke and then went back in. I went downstairs but left her there. At the bottom someone attacked her. I saw the albino man + sent him to help her. There was a bell-ringing-rope I pulled it to get attention but it got caught round her neck and strangled her.

[circled: INTERPRETATION]

Don’t know. This came the day after I got a very short telephone call, the phonebox symbol mean not enjoying getting calls anymore? Don’t know about the house, the rope could be a negative comment concerning the mansion?

I’ve practically finished the script. I’ve just a one page intro + synopsis to do now. Tonight I’ll be checking it, I’m hoping that will only take an evening. Then I’ll type up these 2 last pieces this morning hopefully, I can maybe just stay awake to get to the photocopying shop. If so I probably won’t be able to pick it up until wednesday, so I’ll get the first stitching + letters done then. send proper thurs. hopefully leave friday/sat, which gives me a day to settle + find somewhere suitable, Then I’ll do embassy/visas on Monday, which will be the

[

eleventh. by then I’ll know if I’m staying or going. eg. re-applying for a passport & extending in Madras, or just getting visas there and leaving straight North. I must find out soon too so I can get a refund on my ticket if necc. I need 4 days to get to Nepal, so I’ll have about seven days. I’ll phone the embassy tommorow.

Do you notice peoples features, especially nose, ears and lips get bigger as they age? The skin must sag.

There’s nothing to stop me writing to national dailys about articles. I live the life everybody else dreams of, maybe they want to read about it?

6.3.96 ?Mns. Mbd. Bangalore. 3pm

The synopsis is the only thing to go now. I feel so down, I dunno why. I think because the work is done now so there’s a void now that reminds me I’m alone, not that I haven’t always been alone, just that I forgot it was so. Yeah, I’ll miss writing I guess. I’m picking the work up soon from the photocopier, I’m worried about its quality Jesus. I’m so mad it’s there at all. If it isn’t up to scratch then God will have to see what he can do, it’s a shame if my family end up reading a sub-standard photocopy.

I keep on oversleeping. Today I definitely must get most of it done. tommorow I’ll post the script off and be gone the day after tommorow.

the cost of the script will be
75
x300
22500
75
220
75
220
75
1100
15400
16600
[circled: * 166]

It isn’t too expensive.

Atoms might be conscious, they tell them what to be? Maybe our consciousness is the group consciousness of atoms like society is the group consciousness of individuals?

There’s a book about New science I want.

I feel shit, there ain’t no doubt about it. I feel a bit better since I got up today while it was still light. maybe I’ll feel better when the script’s done?

I dunno. I just want that to be over. I’ve got so much to do. I can’t believe it. once I’m out of Madras it’s a mad scramble again, and don’t forget I haven’t got a refund on my ticket even yet.

7.3.96. Spencer’s Superstore. 8pm.

I can’t believe I’ve slept in again. I got the photocopy back and it was terrible, unreadable that is, the original was undamaged though. I wanted to send something back nice that they can read. Never mind, at least it’s done. Tonight I’m definitely going to stay awake, do the last of the typing and pack. That will give me the impetus to stay awake, tommorow I’m going to eat, post the book off, get a rail ticket, come back, shop, buy a book about new discoveries in science I was looking at, get food, home, shave, sleep. I’ll probably get an a.m. ticket so I could well leave early. I think it’ll be a long day.

Date
Dear [circled: JP]
Re: Manuscript Submission.

I am writing to enquire if you would be interested to consider my 66,000 word novel “Aphasia” for publication.

After finishing college in 1993 I left England and have been moving and travelling in Asia ever since. I decided to live this life after reading “Living Magically” which is published by yourself. After three years of travel I settled here in India to write my novel, which is _crossed out: essentially that philosophy_ & essentially a novel about a woman who acquires such a philosophy and leaving her rigid existence _crossed out: after_ a strange encounter, though it’s set within Asian religion, which I’ve pursued during my travels.

The story of my trip and this manuscript have recently appeared in my local paper and I have also worked as a journalist in Australia. These cuttings would be included with the manuscript.

Any reply address to myself will be answered by my brother who looks after my affairs since I left.

He would need the manuscript, cutting
and S.A.E on request.
I hope you are able to
consider my work and look forward
to your response.

[Signature: J Lupton]

D. 8.3.96. L. Saraswati M.G. Rd. Bangalore.

I’ve finished. I posted the work
off at 4.25pm today. It’s finally off
my back. I forgot to post all my
loose letters so they’re still round
my neck, oh God, I just remembered,
I forgot the other little letters to
people, I can’t believe it, I forgot
almost everything!
I got a train ticket for 7:30am
tommorow morning. That’s a real hassle
time.

[Diagram: astrological chart with planetary symbols and aspects, including dates/calculations: circular chart with 12 houses, various astrological glyphs (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, North Node) and zodiac signs. Red and blue highlighter marks several symbols and lines across the chart. Text around the edge includes “26 Yrs rep”, “Sun”, “Moon”, “Asc”, “MC”. Below the chart is a list of dates and planetary aspects:
4th April ☿ ☌ ♀
12 April ☿ ☌ ♂
31st March ☿ ☌ ♃
6+5 April ☿ ☌ ♄
16 April ☿ ☌ ♅
13 April ☿ ☌ ♆
23 April ☿ ☌ ♇
22/23 May ♂ ☌ ♀
6 April ☿ ☌ ASC
16 June ☿ ☌ ASC
3 May – 27 May ☿ Retro
17 April ☿ Direct
18 March ☿ Direct]

Calculating the perpetual Moon date
1:15am 1/5/71
7 hours to noon.
7 hrs = 106.5
24 hrs = 11.4
117.9
= 118 days.
May 1 = 126th day of year
add 118
126
324
324th day of year.
Perpetual moon date =
20th November.

23 July ☿ ☌ ♀
28 July ☿ △ ♃
15 Aug ☉ ☌ ☿
7 Aug ☉ ☌ ♀
17 Oct ☉ ☌ ☿
21st Sept ☉ ☌ ☿

All from
2nd Passage

New moon
4 July
13 Aug

[Diagram: astrological chart with planetary symbols and aspects, including dates/calculations: circular chart with 12 houses, various astrological glyphs and zodiac signs. Red and blue highlighter marks several symbols and lines across the chart. Text below the chart reads “J.I.S. chart.”]

Moons
17 May = 27 ♉
15 June = 18 ♊
15 July = 21 ♋
15 Aug = 24 ♌
12 Sept = 27 ♍
12th Oct 12 ♎
Nov 11th
Dec 10th

10th March 1996. L. Hotel Tamil Nadu.
Madras, India. Lt. 2:30pm.

I made it to Madras. I see the
3rd person idea failed and so does
he.
Not much happened on the trip, it was
so easy. I left the hotel at 5am.
got a lift up for the right price
without haggling, got on the train, ate
breakfast, had a whole cabin to
myself, fell asleep then woke up and
was there. Had a bit of trouble finding
somewhere to stay, I did, then went
and looked round. that was it really.
Today I tried and moved but it was
all full It ain’t too bad here but the

toilets are all full, no, not full,
I mean dirty / skimpy? You know
what I mean. Still, I got my
washing done at least, if nowt
else. I don’t think I’m overjoyed
with Madras. I’m hoping I can
leave as soon as poss. If this is the
case then I should be out tues, I
don’t really want to have to wait
for my post. The problem is it
doesn’t look as there are Chinese
or Nepalese Embassys here.
Absolute nightmare, because it
could mean I have to then go
onto calcutta. If I leave 12, arrive
13, nepal visa 16 ect ect. then I’ll
overstay again, I’ll have to try
and extend here. There’s nothing
else for it. I must see about
getting my ticket refunded.
I think an excellent idea
would be to work out the
psychology, or, no, I mean
astrology, on my travel,
that is, to work out the
date I entered countries
when significant events
occured. That way if
there’s a co-relation I

could plan to enter countries in the future on significant dates. let me note from my passport some significant dates.

Philippines – July 2nd 1993.
Indonesia – 1st April 1994.
Australia – 22 Sept 1994.
Aust visa Issued 9 Sept 94.
Philippine visa issue – 29 June 199[inserted above: April]
China visa issue – 13 _crossed out: July_ 1993
China entry – 22 April 1993.

Most Significant – China.
Philippines Australia.

[Diagram: large scribbled circle on left page]
[Diagram: astrological chart with planetary symbols and aspects, including dates/calculations: [various astrological symbols, degrees, and colored dots (red, blue, black) arranged in a wheel]]

Entry into China [red block] Natal
Entry 22nd April 1993 [blue block] Jupiter P sq Uranus

Phils = [black line] July 2nd 1993
Australia = [blue line] 22 Sept 94

Hypothesis – Conjunctions on entry date or border crossing is indicator of – prospect.

Date [Mercury symbol] [Mars symbol] [Jupiter symbol]
1 April 93 [check] -2° [dot]
13 June 93 X
16 Feb 93 (Taiwan) -3°
15 July (Okinawa) -8
19 May 94 Penang overlando X
24 Mar 94 -0.5 [check]
5 March ?
13 JAN 94 (Phils over) Phils [Venus conjunct Saturn symbols] -8
23 Dec 93 [arrow pointing to previous row] -7
_crossed out: 14 March 94_ [dot]
5 Mar LP Singapore 94 X X
13 Sept 94 (Malaysia over) 0° [check]
16 Dec 94 (Left over) -5
21 Feb 95 (1st Malaysia trip) 0-7 [line]
24 Dec 94 (chiangmai) [astrological symbols] [astrological symbols]
4 May 95 (Thai/Mal border) [astrological symbols] [astrological symbols]
21 March 95 (cambodia) X
30 July 93 (Malaysia to Indonesia) X [astrological symbols]

[Venus symbol]
[Jupiter conjunct symbol]

Checking ASC.
[Sun symbol] or ASC – between 15 & 21 yrs old.
Psychological growth & health improve R
Marriage
[Moon symbol] 17/18 – New phase, long sea voyage
[Mars symbol] [square symbol] [Sun symbol] : 30/31 yrs.
[Moon symbol] [trine symbol] [Venus symbol] 37
[Venus symbol] [conjunct symbol] [Sun symbol] 23 yrs Changes [inserted above: work, lifestyle, Move house/district]
[Mars symbol] [conjunct symbol] [Venus symbol] 28
[Sun symbol] [conjunct symbol] ASC 37

—— X ——

From the above work there does indeed seem to be a correlation between the date I enter the country and what occurs within it & also it’s from the current entry, not the previous entry, which means once a _crossed out: with the same thing would always_ happen to you whenever you go anywhere, depending on your 1st entry.
The problem is doing it by chance only once have I entered on an exact conjunction, that was the time in Thailand I met the druggies plus bumped into paul again.
All I can do is to enter countries from now on when aspects are

exact, and chart exactly what happens.
I think if I make a chart & mark all the aspects with dots, then chart things for a year or something, only noting good, then like say the sending letters and entering countries on exact conjunctions. I’ll be able to chart the differences in my experience.

—— NOTABLE TRANSITS IN BIRTHCHART ——

April 14th – goes unexpected & connection with pleasure [Venus symbol]
Uranus Retrograde Mar 31 Aug -> 30 Sept. [right margin: blocking normal course of events]
Direct contact – [circled: 31 Oct 7 Dec]
[Jupiter symbol] transit over Mother ended.
[Venus symbol] [trine symbol] [Uranus symbol] new attachee, new friends, in the dynamic attraction. (26 & 27 June).
—— Through the houses ——
1st [trine symbol] [Uranus symbol] [inserted above: & conjunction] goes Unexpected. 2 – [trine symbol] [Uranus symbol] [trine symbol] [Saturn symbol] – Bad
[trine symbol] 2 [square symbol] 8 [trine symbol] [Venus symbol] – for communicate 3 -> [Jupiter symbol] (2 yrs bad)
4 – [trine symbol] [Sun symbol] [trine symbol] [Saturn symbol] 5 – [Venus symbol] [conjunct symbol] [Venus symbol] for [symbol] [inserted below: hidden disease under rejection challenge]
7 – _crossed out: [unreadable]_ [trine symbol] [Jupiter symbol] + [trine symbol] [Venus symbol] Ruled by Mercury + Mars.
Uncle lives ? [Venus symbol] – Stronger Mercury + own house
[Mars symbol] [trine symbol] [Venus symbol] Ambition – love, [trine symbol] of Happiness in sensual sphere. – A very good Oct 20th 1992 [Sun symbol] love.
[Jupiter symbol] Dec 95. [Venus symbol] – Cut out mars – _crossed out: Travel_ – edited
9 – Contact [trine symbol] [Uranus symbol] in 5th, Unexpected person, long travel.
[Sun symbol] Moon goes – Study, no nostalgia, late passion at 28 him in 9th.

Chart showing progression of planets from 11 March to 11 May 1996 on birthchart.

Good luck over period. New friendships, more attractive ♀ trine Asc, good for change. Unexpected Romance ♂ progression 10 –

11:48pm – Hotel Tamil-Nadu, near Central Railway Station, Madras, India.

I think I’m excited about the astrology now. In all the time I’ve travelled, as far as I can work out, I’ve only ever entered a country on an exact aspect twice. Once was when I first left, with ♀ ☌ ♀ and otherwise I met Suntaree. The second was when I was in Thailand, I entered ♀ ☌ ♀ _crossed out: exact_ exact ♂ △ ♇ △ ☿ ♃ △ ♆ (all in 7th) ♂ △ Asc from 3rd ♃ & ♀ from 7th. EXACT. I think that is very significant. It was when I saw the lad from Australia, saw Chris, got drugged & robbed, saw real fear (in hospital). It wasn’t a good time particularly, this could have been the retrograde Jupiter! ♂ was D.R within 3 in 12th from 3rd, not the two exact conjunctions in 3rd. NO! I’m mistaken, Jupiter wasn’t exact, it was retrograde – 1° so the chart would be about right.
♀ □ ♄ from 9 ♃ ☌ ♇ from ♀ ☌ ♄ from 10. ♂ ☌ ♅ □ ♄ from 9.

♃ ☌ ♇ ♂ ☌ ♅ □ ♄ from 9th.

☿ □ ♄ from 9th is Deception! (As is the chart for entry to Singapore when I met the pervert. Depression where Saturn (in 10)
♀ in 10 □ ♄ in 10 in return, depression.
outbursts of anger (hospital) marked magnetism.
♃ □ ♄ losses through loans/gambling. over-enthusiasm.
□ ♆ groping things dark / drugs.
♃ / ♃ _crossed out: in_ in 5th – luck to win events, interesting financial affairs, NO – unexpected advances not as good as appear ♃ ☌ ♅ in 5 – bad decision & over optimism.
♄ □ ♃ in 7. Difficult, guard against over commitment ♃ ☿ in domain of money.

Well, from the time I met the professor there isn’t much I can do to be shocked by the astrology, though little is exact. I think it’s revolutionary. I’ve just looked up when I entered penang and there are also correlations. This really is perfect. Also the time I was drugged, Uranus had moved round to be opposite itself NO! Sorry, that’s wrong it had moved round to opposition earlier I met the indonesian in the bar so I guess it’s kind of O.K. Make things up! Uranus in 1st is

strong with me.
Anyway, the point is I have to put all this into a separate book. I think if I can get a list of New moon dates I’ll get a book and every month atleast in the few days before the new moon I’ll project a chart onward for the best dates and make plans in detail, otherwise I can’t do hundreds. I mean I’ll do it monthly so the movement will be minimal except with the moon, then I’ll write down the day of each exact transit and it will be easy to get the best days. I’ll use this primarily for entering countries, but also for other things like posting letters off, maybe posting a ?batch, arranging results phonecalls or good news to reach me at the right time. I’ll predict every phonecall also, then get the whole thing on audio tape. Obviously it won’t always be exact but the time is what happens to me acts. If, according to my calculations what happens to me in a country depends on the entry date, then I should always post it with good predict results.
In this other book I’ll also write

the charts for the day I entered countries and predict the times I’ll have there.
I could perfect it, so I’ll enter a country when a planet is well aspected, and as things occur, I’ll check the position of the planets as they do, that way I’ll be able to predict charts easier also. I’ll do a chart with the possible aspects in the front so it’s easier for me to refer too.

Well I’ll do that tommorow. I think now I’ll conclude this and get it sent off with my other stuff tommorow. I was in bed all day today I must get on or I won’t have any choice when I do cross the border! There isn’t need of a conclusion except the astrology was good, and I finished the book in this diary time, it’s good. Right, I’m off. it’s 1:17pm am, 12 march 96, Ten visa days left!

J.S.Lupton

[Taped insert: Southern Railway train ticket. Visible text: SOUTHERN RAILWAY. शुभ यात्रा HAPPY JOURNEY. PNR NO 410017. DATE 9-3-96. TRAIN No & NAME 6024 DN MADRAS EXPRESS. TICKET NO 74093908. CLASS FC. ADULT 1. CHILD 0. BANGALORE CY JN TO MADRAS CENTRAL. COACH F1. SEAT/BERTH 14. SEX M. AGE 24. RUPEES THREE FIVE FOUR ONLY. 354. TRN LVG SBC 9-3-96 AT 0730. A large handwritten blue loop or checkmark is drawn across the center of the ticket.]

[Taped insert: Typed document on white paper with handwritten annotations in blue ink. Visible text:
[Handwritten above title: _crossed out: aphasia_ APHASIA ?]
A Novel by J.S. Lipton.

Final Draft Commenced Monday January 15th. 1996
in Reneisance Resort Hotel, Goa, India.
Local time 12:14 pm.

[Handwritten signatures at bottom in blue ink: ?J.S. Lipton (written twice, highly stylized)]]

[Folded insert: Color map of southern India. Visible text includes “PLACES OF IMPORTANCE”, “INDIA”, and “GOA”.]

[Taped insert: Handwritten letter on lined paper. Visible text:
7.2.96.

Junko [Symbol: smiley face],
I’m sending two cards to make up for the absent new year one. I’m in Bangalore now. Mother has gone. It all went O.K (mostly). Now it’s a few days (well, maybe two weeks) to finish the novel.
I’ll send my article if the paper carry it.
Happy to hear you are good. What’s the “thing you don’t think about”? I knew there was something wrong when I had the strange dream.
I’ve got my very own permanent typewriter now. When I’m on top of my work I’ll write you something.
It’s my brother’s baby’s first birthday the day after yours.
I’m off to the post office.

Have a lovely day (everyday).

From Bangalore, (miss you).

Love.
[Signature: ?J.S.]]

Candle – Marx, camp, travel, pics.
Sun – Crema, boots, Agent.
Bant – Cheresia, typing, computer.
Char – Passport + Residency
Hussain – Field Study.

[Taped insert: Flyer or card for New Central Lodge with a drawing of a building. Text reads: NCL New Central Lodge a home away from home 56, INFANTRY ROAD, BANGALORE-560 001. Phone : 5592395, 5592659. Below this is a faint, partially obscured slip of paper with illegible printed text.]

[Taped insert: Business card for Hotel Pushpamala. Text reads: Grams : 2874010, 2874011, 2874012 2874121, 2259576 2259573 – 8 Lines HOTEL PUSHPAMALA PVT. LTD., DELUXE LODGE 9, 2nd Cross, S. C. Road, Opp. Kapali Theatre Cross Road, Ramakrishnapuram, Gandhinagar, BANGALORE-560 009]

[Taped insert: Business card for Hotel Imperial. Text reads: Proprietors : NEHTUHT Grams : NEHTUHT HOTEL Imperial BOARDING & LODGING 93-94, Residency Road, Bangalore-560 025, INDIA. Ph : 5588473, 5585474, 5588523, 5588871, 5588351, 5588013, 5587517, 5582368, 5585423, 5585918. Restaurant : 5587176]

[top left margin: ?Rs 39]
[middle left margin: ?[unreadable]]
[Printed text at bottom center: CARTO Scrib MEMO JOT]
[Printed text at bottom left: CNS/D1/94]