General Notes - Writing my Lifestory

BIOGRAPHY
Include Alf
burglary
*turning points
Act one, always jay home act two always jay travel. Act three always jay cambodia. Act four, sex interlude. Act five, kresar, SV and illness. Ends missingboy picture removed from Supermarket,KRESAR IS A METAPHOR FOR THE MISSING BOY THAT IS ME.
The long walk home with Phoung, the one time we did something together and she talked alone and lied at the end. — I just wanted scamp to ignore me – link to drunk mother.
Everything was about being in another world. Astral projections. Schitzo women. Pure lands.
Graham townsend. Pike. A’s racism. Smoking outside. Jays bike and finbarr. Exercise books and study.
GEoff keeping me out the sun leading to agoraphobia
oxfam, alf coughing, jenkins. tania hawksworth. sex postols. sister bad.
Radical memoir book
fraytays pryamid happiness index
chart emotional life on graph to identify key events and patters
frame life as a quest,with a ‘grail’ powers, mentors, adversaries etc. Nemesis.
Create compelling characters through dialogue and descriptive detail.
multiple perspectives – write from someone else’s point of view. write ?? words aobut intrinsic needs – what you were looking forl
core wounds. Reveal this but through dialogue, action, thought etc but without stated sxplicitally what it was.
Play with genre, eg magicakal realism. ASTRAL TEMPLE AS SUBPLOT? otherwordse stuf
rising action
inciting indident.
Opening scene.
Juxtapositions, carry o early year memories, for one half, and link each memory to a sorya girl***************************************************************** or a cwf vid. ONe sorya girl to each diary etc TO BRING FORWARDS THE GHOSTS OF SORYA Let go to healing. in 2032 book dissolves to ai
Sources and juxtapositoins. My popular lifestory inspires al people to find their own freedom. I archived and published the inspiring meaning in y lifestory. Shinning juxtapositions.
The Ghosts of Sorya – Intro
The past and the future are shining rom the present.
They shine from the light of your mind today.
In both directions; the shadows of what wasand what will be
ff are realy what may have been
and what may come
from the way you shine from your light today.
I’m telling my story her, tryuing to shine a bright light from today and change a darknes from before.
FILM INTRO
Look at Mr. Lipton.
Shy litle virgin with his magick spel.
Traped in his Aunties house, performing rituals for a new life, a land of milkand honey, with fun and travel and al exsitments a- and more than anytng: Girls!
35 years ago, in 192 – I had nothing. A schol drop9out on unemployment, living with an aunt, no real friends, a shy virgin to the point of being praciacally mute – I had only one thing, an obsession with the ocult.
Years of ;study, ssadnes and desperation led to b to construct a magickal operation that lasted seven months and culminated in a huge ritual one night while my aunt was away. I had litle effigies of the things I wanted. I loved photography, so you are seeing actual pictures from that night and that time. I wanted it all. money. to pulbish my writing, to go all around teh world, a university degree, spiritual power – and more than anything: a girl.
Did it work? Yes and no. Within months, I wsa on a playe, nearly 70 countries later and I’m still living in the tropics, published, two university degrees, a uniquie spiritual practice and a body count so high many people would recoil in horror.
But karma chatches up to us all. Now I’m ill, alone, I many or may nt survive – but I want to share soemthing I’ve learned either way.
In a way, a version of Mr. Lpton is stil trapped in the past, andby documenting a journey of going back to save him – I can perhaps show you a few useful thing.s
Let’s be quite frank ow. This is no heroic story. I was not a goot may. Perhaps it’s a character study of a villan? I was not only lazy, but proud of it – toally anti-work, drofting, leacing. I’m anti-relationship and anti-state. I saw a rigged game when I was a boy and NEVER regret the dark path I took – although I’m not sure if I should?
Well I’m going to putthis out there anyway – siting at the river listening to flaping flags, daytrippers as I relax ona bench with my otebook – if you can get through my dark onsense , then it can by up to you t deide how Mr. Lipton can exist in your relaity.
.. [go to JUSTAPOSITIONS to sadcharacters, future to so? Mr. Lipton REVISON.
FILM
When say it’s teh actual piccures from that night, – show them – and then say – ONLY but the magick of AI – I can make that look as it did back then.
– I’mgoing to kill myself with AI. I’m goin to take y lifestory and donate it to the universac scrape *** UNIVERSAL SCRAPE ***

BIOGRAPHY
In the early years, there was an early interest in gothic/horror/scary themes which morphed into a lifelong interest in the occult, hermeticism and magick. Entering the town’s local occult shop was a pivitol moment in my life, although I didn’t know it at the time.
My parents got divorced and I was about eight. I went to stay with my aunt for a bit, and it ended up being going back and forth all my life until I left the UK (going back and forth). She was normal and took me on idlyic trips to her boat in cambridge, where my uncle used to cough a lot and it turned out it was the start of spinal cancer and he died on the loungue floor after a long illness where he was bedridden. I fell apart at the funeral and went back to my mother’s house, but she had been stopped for drink driving and so lived in the pub she was running out of town, and I ended up alone in the suburbs at aged around twelve so I stopped going to school as there was a lot of bullying and racism, and I ended up agoraphobic, with nothing but occult books and an occasioal false friend who would come round occasionally.
Before that, a student sexually abused me, on the ildylic boat, and then launched a bullying campaign to isolated me when I outed him.
There was a chinese restaurant near my aunts shop and I was fascinated by the exotic people who ran it. I used to do little projects imagining traveling all around the world and going to Hong Kong, all of which I ended up doing as an adult. The school went on strike and we had to go and eat at a local chip shop and it was run by Vietnamese and I felt the same thing, fascination with them.
My aunt was sober, but very controlling. She bought me a dog, but after a week took full care or it and I wasn’t allowed to be in charge of anything. She used to throw all my possessions away without informing me. Like christmascards from school friends. She kept the ones she got and put them on the wall each year, but mine went straight in the bin and I’d weep about it and she just didn’t get how that affected me and I felt invisible really. I couldn’t have any effect on my environment.
There were quite a few supernatural events. I used to talk to an old woman on the stairs when my parents were fighting. She told me she used to live in the house. I played with a cassette recorder at the time and only found out twenty years later that I had actually recorded a load of spirit voices talking to me. I had imaginary friends too, like little ducks that I imagined following me around like little companions.
school was very bad. Looking back I feel it was deliberate. They deliberately demotivated me. I remember being given books for retards, like reading age five when at home I was reading adult horror novels, but then the teachers sold private lessons, I had to stay late but they just sat me in a room alone with nothing to do. Basically it was a scam, criminal and it makes me angry now thinking about it.
My sister is ten years older than me, and basically a psycho. All the time I knew her she was telling me I was stupid and couldn’t do things. She used to lie to my family and say I was stealing things from shops, then angry because no one believed her, they all knew what she was like. I used to go there and babysit for her and she tried to get me into punk and to rebel and drop out of everything. Her husband beat her up when she cheated and she was alone with her children, but two of them ran away to live with their father (seperately) because she was such a difficult woman to be with. My brother is seven years older than me. He told me she used to torture him. He was always away at boarding school so I didn’t get to see him but he’s boarish, overbearing, always angry and giving me bad advice. Years later we had a fight on the phone while I was traveling, now twenty years ago, and we never had contact again. When my aunt died she cut these two out the will and left half to me, half to my niece.

In the end, M killed me on the carpet. I can’t be sure, buy my surrender to the 4d is complete — and so I don’t actuallym know.

I too am the ghost of sorya.
Sitting in the shit english class with HOldsworth, bored readinghorror – Phoung goes back, initially ? band bored, get obsessed and do magick for scamp. Imagine her, then met phoung. /send her back to heal the past.
Phoung is scamp, in a happy way, and I can send her back to the unhappy me and always think of those horrible days with her in them and this is my healing.

MEMOIREHEADING

Diary/Ghosts book
Ghosts take many forms. they’re from the past and also the future. Sometimes they are from the dark emptiness of your own lonliness. To the trained mind they are the greatest asset possible. To the scattered mind, they are a curse worse than the glance of the devis.
This story is a chronicle, of battle to find, catch and master them.
Annette pictue with : there is no happiness in the world
BIOGRAPHY

In the end, M killed me on the carpet. I can’t be sure, buy my surrender to the 4d is complete — and so I don’t actuallym know.

—

DIARIES RECORD

FIRST DIARY
Bitter about school. Wasted life.
88 SECOND YELLOW
Budding spirituality
still rebelling
sister ruining
21 March 1988 Factory
Cab said night shift illegal at underage. Started severed cords. Sid. On unemployment. Iipton. Oi.
Dream and talisman business. Sparkle elite. Matthew.
32 dole and yts coming. Car. Darren.
Pets club.
A going through everything.
Living in a car plan.
Billing.
Jenny slack and Graham in slum

89 SPIRITUAL EXERCISES DIARY
88-90 I CHIG AND URBAN SAFETY
88 – 96 ASTROLOGY PREDICTION DIARY
PRACTICAL KABBALISTIC MAGICK 1990
MAGICKAL INVOCATION DAIRY (inspired by Ophiel, (rituals and prayers)).
DIARY OF OCCULT RITUAL Golden Dawn
implements, (from when I actually created the implements).
OCCULT DIARY SEPTEMBER 1990
Dreams and astral projection, all dreams
SOULMATES (1990ISH)
GOLD DIARY 18 feb 1989 – 13 Feb 1990
Simon fight. Pathworking and astral projection. Looking at camping/job. Dreams were for predication as I was hopingfor something better. Walk to the Cotswalds. Body of light. Seeing through my eyelids..
– so many dreams here as my life was limited
1991 WILL DEVELOPMENT RECORD
i.t.a. in a secret language
to do list (at collage) lbrp etc.
How many missed and how many CUT. Blood smeared on page – concentrating while falling asleep, holding band and cuttingin morning for attention waters.
Controlling food intake (eating disorder foreshadow – fasting as a kid etc)
VISUALIZATION DIARY 1991
Starts explanation, coohesive ife goals
much oracle use. Practicing Goetia (pic). Jewish talisman. Subliminals. Drawing pictures.. Flat. Floor plan. Computer.
10,000 Confidence. SLIM WITH A PICTURE OF CURRENT BODY TYPE.
Write about what seeing quick result STAYING AT JASONS PLACE WITH A RISING ON WAKING and this wasthe early success in leaving. Candle ????? with middle pillar.
On the council housing list. Name changes. Got housing benefit. Writing course. REjection letters. *** Dieting with slimming swets. 1700 sterling. Started *Oxfam. Keeping six ?diaries. Visualize my room empty. Started college. Matthew** had turned up and so reading and college. Oxfam coincidence as his friend worked there.
YOGA DIARY FEB 91 Start with notes from crowleys ??? inc. will development, not using certain letters of the alphabet in writing and speect. With ??? to my notes of practice.
SELF IMPROVEMENT DIARY 1991. My history. Lots of books listed. Notes from the book and planning.
DIAZAPAM DIARY Sep 91
3 Aug 92 – 19 Sep 92
Started the seven month magick. Cornwall. Worried appearance. How Buddhism fits in with magickal belief. Mention of lifemagic. Living in garae. sweet n sour idea. Stayed with Yasmine for extended period, two weeks, she with Jim. Manifested staying at Yasmines, a lot of talk about being trapped at Annes. Five months of magick – waiting. Knee pain. Still at Oxfram. Submitting books and college. Thining of travelling eg spain. Started new college (six months before leaving) Cornwall holiday and everything deeping ??? with Yasmine. NOticing Asian women (?yoko) in cornwall and yearningg. Much about visualization and how lond I did it for. Doll magick continuing. Trying to keep mind off manifestation, like had worked with the fileofax. Believe and forget mantra. Walking cold to collage. ‘as if’. Noted ‘nood score’ each entry. Eight limbs of yoga and general concentration menitation. Trying to spin a mantra past the hypnogogia period. Slow mangra with affirmation of concentratoin on each repetition. . P116 says I am in control of life as I@ve turned the tap of dripping thoughts off cutting will development. P127 is tattwa projection experiences *** Magick to get a woman’t face out of my mind called Pehn ***.
92 TRAVEL PLAN NOTEBOOK
list of volunteering correspondence
books submitted
sources of extra funds
Planningwhen, exams, astrology etc
visualzation
peom aobut leaving magick riduats
addresses eg YGA etc
foreign addresses teaching
LINK AND SURREY TRAININT (NOTES)
SEVEN MONTH MAGICK
Note here says still putting in last pictures on the way to the airport. Pictures. First buddhist book, box, to do list, ritual, champagne, red box.
BEFORE LEAVING THUMBS ARCHIVE
Not in Picassa, too small to view. ARTSY, BALLONS, BURGLARY, CNY (HYDEPARK), COLLEGE, CORNWALL, DERBY (PHOTOGRAPHY) jASONS HOUS. liFE (ASTROLOGY HOROSCOPE AND REJECTION LETTERS. lINK ()NOTHING. mAGICK (ME WITH DOLLS, ME CANDLE MAGICK, DIARIES AND BAGICK. mE WITH IMPLEMENTS, TATTWAS, FIRST ASTRO CHART, RITUAL ALTAR, ME RYSTAL, MAKING TATTVES, OPENING CHANPAGNE, THAI MONEY, CELEBRATORY MEAN, STITICHING DOLLS, THE PLASTIC IMPLEMENTS, PLUS DOLL RIUTUAL, LAYOUT, GUIDEBOOKS, TATTWAS, MAGICK BOX.
mE, TRAEL AGENT CALL, WISDOM BOOKS. dOUBLE EXPOSURE TALISMAN. kABALLAH NECKLACE. CRYSTAL BALL.
Misc (nothign
Oxfam (matthew smiling)
People ()m is burows, nikki fairgold, yasmine better. Gee close, A on racecourse, Darren, good, quussen.
Places, bedroom view back. ABC. WFS. college bhs shit safe
QUALITY me higher res, me golden sawn reading and back. Tattwas and weopens, better quality. wfs better. School. Matthew. Me with magick. Treasure pics. Occultique. School classroom. All the seven month here also. ABC, cornwall. REading. Gog from garden (smoking view). Surrey.
COLOURFUL FILOFAX DIARY every day from 1992 unreadable.
GENERAL DIARY SEP 92
A seees travel books and makes sarcastic comment about airfair thirty oercent off in Sainsburys. Sleeping in garage. Getting rid of books. Buyinglanguage tapes, chinese. Noticing two chinesewomen and EARLY LIMERANCE. Photography class. British history. Tying ribbons to dolls on new moon. Painter saw voodoo box. p.54 depressed scribbling. 54-68 same. Kill me. suicidal. Occult not work, wo will work or try to. A glot of creative visualization generally. Sween/nsour references and trying to reign fantasy.
DIARY SEP 92 book of shadows book two. Dreams, runes, palminsty, suicidal, p49 birthdhart. early precition method p63 (dots in 1990). Mostly iching prediction (because no life) 159 curst on cover.
021092 (?? 276)
278 – talismans. Next rfour close up. Poem to clair. Calking about cutting to control mind and forget goals – and that I let is slip – so not working so well. NOt enjoying history class. Burgled. Lookingat bedsits but also looking at REFL. Plan then to stay one year in Asia (written october). ticket by cny. Doing somethiong everyday towareds the goals. the todo postcard**j Seven month finished and I was looking for the next manifest around 94. Ing 60 ‘I am meant to go now’. (nothing has worked). GEOFF TOLD ME TO STAY. nEW THINGS TO STITCH UP FOR MAGICK.
P128 ‘THE TRICK IS TO SWITCH THE FEELING FROM THE NEXT WO7RKD TO THIS’ ***FOR HOW TO FEEL IN BANGKOK, AS THOUGH IT’S THE AFTERLIFE.
**DAYDREAM DIARY PLAN IN BKK **
xmas card in 138 no presents to M and she says hard but will see soon.
p164 mentions obsession with aging
172 desiding Thailand and to do list TO COLOUR, COLOOURS AND SPELLS.
Still at link and hating it. No Vietnamese new year clelbration (91 was last?). At Oxfam still. A said will buy cd player and geoff PC ie. I hit a vein and it all started happening ***** as the pics were IN THE VOODOO BOX but it’s too lte
223 hit by energy ball while visualising. 60 valium prescription.
Sitting in home food and doing the diary. ?Set and happy.

Memoire Writing Notes
Juxtapositions are event can heal another. Recall in bad past and happy later and put them together. Maybe being with women and going back in time.
Types: tell all, disaster, coming of age, call to action, business, travel, romantic, religious, illness, relationship
Make a 2/3 sentence summery of your life: I did what I wanted friften around the world and pursued awakening via Dharma and the Occult.
Memoire = relationship to the ??? of life
autobiography, factual and chronological
Memoire = select the story and timeframes.
Evoke emotional memories:
dissappointments
accomplishments
onfliccts
fears
gratitude
luck
enemies
Magick, John and Yoko. Sid.
Think of a time you were waiting for something. Prompts: if only… In that moment I realized…. It started out as an ordinary day but then…
Think of an event that changed your life because it was so: beautiful, frightening, unusual, spiritual.
Identify patterns i life: running away.
Think of values, families, childhood and what important now.
Hopes, how they changed and how they related to your mission.
Milestones.
Hook:
Dilema, choice, problem, trauma – and the resolution.
Obstacles, doubt, fear, money
Internal/external
Characters, in one sentence, Mother, dis… distnat, cheap Anne, hardworking, generous, selfihs.n
Socked at clairvoyance and magickal course saw in crystal ball.
Plot: emotion connecting events – obstacles and ??? narrative arc – begning, mddle and end. Beginning, mission statement, middle, obstacles, end, who you are mission fulfilled or not. thing of where each ??? will go.
patterns
values
external blicks
strong emotions
First gripping sentence.
Enemies, who against you
About to give up
crisis
decision
what has to change.
Add odd ideas eg no education, no indentity — the indian jaunt
Visual descriptions how don’t tell. Habis mood in action, Physical responses. trembling.
Clear descriptions, trees looking like spectres etc. Distinctive details.
Add action to scenes, action, feeling of ???
Writing prompts: any special toys? Last time I saw my father
Favourite recepies.
Look at the details inphotographs.
Touch as memory,how things felt
Characters take over.
Write broken and shy – to the peope, sho did it, as GHOSTS and see thier ?hungryness.
You need to find the THEME of your life.
Imagine the cover and blurb of the book to discover the theme and motif + title
Make a pathworking to discover new things i.e. meet the person in a pathworking that you need to write about.

The Ghosts of Soriya
Sorya was a portal, an intersection – between this world and the next. The unhappy hosts of yearning in my past were vanquised by the ghosts of a world calling itself real. There was a merger 0 and then the ghosts of Halloween took the whole sunny world and dragged it down to their underworld – and I was left with the ghosts, as before, not of yearning but ghosts of memories. Fantasy ghosts become memory ghosts – but the feelings are always with us.
World ghosts, fantasy ghosts and memory ghosts.
– Do about the drunk girl, misses sister, mother, all she loves goes away but you keep it all inside of you.