[Page 1]
J.S. Lipton.
Department of Social Security
Frances House, 21 Lower Mounts
NORTHAMPTON
NN1 3LY
Phone: (0604) 230139 Ext: 418
Fax No: (0604) 601345
Your reference:
Our reference:
Date: 25 March 1992
Dear
I am replying to your recent correspondence dated 23rd March. I apologise for the inconvenience and confusion that has arisen on your claim. The confusion arose because you were allocated two national insurance numbers in error.
When you made your claim to Income Support in July 1990 your claim was entered on to the computer under National Insurance Number [blurred]
On 7th June 1991 we received notification from the Contributions Agency in Newcastle to state your correct National Insurance number to be [blurred]. When we received this notification your records held under [blurred] were closed and re-entered under [blurred]. This action triggered a computer notification to the Local Authority which stated that your claim to Income Support had ended. I have sent a memo to the Local Authority to advise them of your correct National Insurance Number and to inform them that you have been in receipt of Income Support continuously since 24th July 1990.
You should no longer receive correspondence quoting the incorrect National Insurance number.
Once again I apologise for any inconvenience caused and I trust the matter is now resolved.
Yours sincerely
W English
W English
for District Manager
[Page 2]
J.S. Lipton.
29 April 1992.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing concerning my third application for rent allowance. Since my first claim you have been incorrectly informed that I am no longer in receipt of benefits on two occasions and thus my money has been stopped. This was caused by a computer error and was corrected after a complaint under the data protection act 1981.
The fact is that I have been continually in receipt of benefits (income support) since 1990, well before I first applied for rent allowance. I was forced to claim on the spot the second time, knowing I was correct when the staff refused to check with the D.S.S. to see if I was claiming. This invalid claim caused a false change in my housing costs.
Since my complaint to the D.S.S. I have received this desision: that I have had no change what-so-ever in any of my circumstances and any information you received to the contary was due to computer error. I am enclosing the letter from the D.S.S. to show you the error.
I have taken the whole matter to the C.A.B. and they have advised me that the law is as follows. Firstly if you still hold the information that I have ever stopped signing since my first application after I have a letter from the D.S.S. admitting it was a mistake, then you to are commiting an offence under the data protection act. Secondly only one claim per person can be accepted at any one time, since you had no legal basis for ever stopping the first claim due to there being no change in my circumstances all latter claims are irrelevant, which includes the false change is assessment of housing costs, obtained on an irrelevant form filled in while an initial claim was still standing. Thirdly that according to the law all money owed and not paid since the first claim is now payable. This includes times when a claim wasn’t recognised by you or no claim was made by me because I was incorrectly informed I was not entitled. It also includes the extra money to make up the lower cheques of the irrelevant second claim The actual law says money can only be paid when no claim is made in “exceptional circumstances”. The C.A.B. ensure me these are definately “Very special circumstances indeed”.
I shall look forward to your payment.
Yours faithfully,
J. Lipton.
J.S. Lipton.
(ENC).
[Page 3]
THE KOREAN NATIONAL COMMISSION FOR UNESCO
July 2, 1992
Dear
We are pleased to inform that you have been accepted as a participant for the 27th International Youth Camp to be held by the Korean National Commission for Unesco, 20-30 July 1992.
For further cross-cultural understanding, you are requested to bring materials such as pamphlets and slides about your country as well as traditional clothes, folk music and arts, musical instruments, etc.
The weather during the camp period in Korea tends to be moderately hot with temperatures ranging from 15°C(59°F) to 32°C(90°F), and possible rain. Prepare your clothing and equipment accordingly.
Please provide us details (flight number, date and time of arrival) of your arrival in advance, so that our reception team can meet you at the airport.
Try to arrive on 19 July. We have arranged for you to stay overnight at the Tower Hotel in Seoul. If you are late, please contact to Korean National Commission for Unesco (776-4402/3) or to the Tower Hotel (236-2121), Seoul.
We would like to mention once again that the participation fee is US$ 120, which will cover expenses of food and boarding during the camp period. All other expenses shll be borne by the participants or their sponsoring organization.
[Text obscured by pasted diagrams] …camp will be a stimulating… …forward to seeing you…
[Diagram: A circular piece of crinkled paper pasted to the page. Written around the outer edge in blue ink is “ASTRAL PROJECTION”. Inside is a hand-drawn five-pointed star (pentagram) in purple ink. Inside the star are various small astrological and alchemical symbols including the Sun, Taurus, and Venus. In the bottom right section of the star, the word “EXCALIBUR” is written in jagged, stylized black letters. A small drawing of a top hat is on the right edge, and a triangle symbol is on the left edge.]
[Diagram: A second circular piece of paper pasted to the right. Written around the outer edge in red ink are the words “HEALTH”, “WEALTH”, “HAPPINESS”, and “I.T.A.I”. Inside is a hand-drawn pentagram in black ink. Inside the points and center of the star are the words “HAPPY”, “BRAVE”, “CONTENT”, a drawing of a large red heart, the numbers “20”, “19”, “92”, “21”, a drawing of a lit candle, a pound symbol “£”, a small black stick figure, and a yellow sunburst.]
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[Diagram: A circular piece of crinkled paper. Written around the outer edge in red ink are the words “HEALTH”, “WEALTH”, “HAPPINESS”, and “I.T.A.I”. Inside is a hand-drawn pentagram in blue ink. Inside the points and center of the star are the words “HAPPY”, “BRAVE”, “CONTENT”, a drawing of a large red heart, a red dragonfly or winged insect, the numbers “20”, “19”, “92”, “21”, a drawing of a lit yellow candle, a pound symbol “£”, a small blue winged figure or butterfly, and a yellow sunburst on a red pole.]
[Page 2]
[Diagram: The reverse side of a circular paper cutout. It features a thick black vertical line intersecting a blue circle, with a small red triangle to the right. The surface is covered in faint, erratic black ink scribbles resembling geometric shapes, intersecting lines, and pseudo-sigils.]
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[Diagram: A circular piece of crinkled paper. Written around the outer edge in red ink are the words “PROTECTION”, “INDEPENDENCE”, “LOVE”, “MONEY”, and “SLIM”. Inside is a hand-drawn pentagram in red ink. The interior contains various symbols: a blue sword or dagger, a drawing of a house, a red test tube or flask, a thick blue snake or curved shape, a gold sunburst, a cluster of small red circles, and several astrological or alchemical symbols in black and red ink (including Venus, Mars, Taurus, and Gemini).]
[Page 4]
The
Pillow
Book
OF [blurred]
11.41pm. Saturday the Second of
October
Nineteen hundred and ninety two.
Just beginning
Worried last
Thoughts and feelings
written fast.
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Date: Saturday 3rd October 1992
T- 3:40 am Mood. 1.3 L- Loungue
(L= Location).
As you can see, I got the diary. When I was in the shop there was an old man there. He was buying something or other and was asking the assistant to write something down for him. He had a really soft, pleading, femininie voice that made all the women that work there patronise him, well, perhaps mother him is a better word. When I paid for this book the woman looked at me and smiled in a knowing, and this time definately patronising kind of a way.
I bought the pillow book also. I read it in the library. It’s O.K. Not like I thought. I think I shall keep lists of things as she does.
It was raining coming home and my shoes let all the water in. They were soaking by the time I got home. I went to the front door but the key was in so I had to go round the back. Ann was up as usual so I went round to the garage and just wept there. I really wept as I haven’t done for a
[Page 1]
year or so. The only problem is a year
ago I was weeping about exactly
the same thing, and all the times
before that. How awful. This really can
only be the last attempt. I don’t
see what else at all can be done.
I watched a horror film earlier. I’d
seen it before but it occupied my mind.
I’ve just tried the suit on. It looks
blue to me and I have a really
awful suspicion it’s not my taylored
one. In the shop he stitched it up to
hopefully be right the first time. We
got there and he gave me the wrong
suit 1st. Then he gave another one
and said he’d got a pin-stripe done.
That didn’t fit so he said he’d have it
altered…. or perhaps find one off the
peg? Maybe I’m just being paranoid.
I’ll have to buy the rest of it
today. I’ll probably go out early.
I could wait for the post I
suppose. I really do have to
wait for the last post. I don’t
see any way forward at the
present time except to continue with
the suit. I’ll have to get shirt
and shoes and I will get
the necklace. The only problem with
all this is once it’s completed and
I have it all; Monday; what do I
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do because I’m still living here? I think
I should definately make an appointment
at the job service. I don’t know what
I’ll say but it will be part of
it I suppose. That’s what I’d
do if I had my goals. I’m pretty
sure that’s what I’d do anyway.
Yes, that’s it. This way there’s
only a week or so to endure. I
could definately get something
sorted out by then. The week
after Ann is away. I’ve got
to do something. I was VERY
close to suicide when I came
in earlier. I just wanted to be out. I
still do. I hope the employment service
is open today. God knows what I’ll
do if not.
Date: Saturday 3rd October 1992 T- 3:17
Mood 0.4 Loungue
(1)
I got in a plane, flew it a little
distance and landed it. Then I got out
and walked back to where I’d come
from.
INTERPRETATION- q- Not following up on goals,
but how?
You won’t believe this unless you’ve read
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the other books, in which case you
probably couldn’t imagine anything else.
I fell asleep and am only just up.
Oh dear. That means I didn’t go down-
town and I didn’t buy anything.
The black and white photos have
come. They look mostly O.K. except the
ones of me: Awful!
I’ll have to go out to the shop
soon. Not that I really want to.
Still I can’t stay in and smoke.
Now I’ve got to endure another day
of staying in here and then another
week. I really don’t know how long
I can stand it. I got a bank
statement today and I have
£170.00.
I really do want to get out but
that’s since I left school I’ve
been feeling this. I remember it started
at 15 by sleeping in Mum’s garage,
then I went to live in the car at
17, at 18 I had grove road,
Yasmine’s and Ann’s garage. It really
does look as there is no way
out. Now I’m even prepared to work to
finance myself to live on but
where ever will I find a job?
If so where to live? Where is there
a life for me?
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Tommorow I’ll have to go up the
centre. I hate always using the
same ones because I’m always alone
and it’s never long before the staff
realise how pathetic I am. I shall
try and buy my clothes up there.
I could act as if if I just had
some place I could go and live,
but there’s nowhere. This is getting
worse and worse. What am I going
to do next week? For a whole
week can I carry on as I have for
the last six years? I don’t think I
can. (Ann’s here).
Date: Sunday ?4th December 1992 T- 12:22pm
Mood 0.9 In Lounge.
I keep alternating between optimism
and pessimism. I think my first list
should be the following one.
_ x _
Things that make Me Want to
Live.
Neon lights reflecting off sodden
pavements late at night.
Certain pieces of music played
secretly when I’m alone.
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Somebody touching you.
Becoming warm when you’ve been cold.
The morning sun.
Looking at well taken photographs you’ve
taken yourself.
Magick.
Chinese food.
Watching children when they’re youngest
and happiest.
Writing in a new book.
Meeting someone unexpectidly.
Getting happy letters.
Buying new things from shops and
being happy with them when you
get them home.
Flowers.
Doing something you were frightened of
doing.
Gentle wind on a hot day.
The smell of burning fat or certain
food reminding you of a happy memory.
People with no grudges to bear. (rare).
Fresh air when you’ve been in a
stuffy room.
Burning insence outside.
Hot tea, drunk quietly, while alone.
Intoxication.
Those tree’s that drop pink flowers in
March while the rest of nature is in winter.
Reading religious books.
That someone may one day love you.
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I’m lost in fantasy again. It’s such an
easy way to escape from reality.
Ann came down a while ago and
said she felt sick. She’s gone
back up now.
I feel completely different when I’m
alone like this. Especially when I’ve
retreated into my mind. I was going to
write about what I want to get
done today. In a moment I’ll look
for a tape measure to measure my
neck up, then I’ll get ready to go
and buy the stuff up the centre.
The main thing to do is to have
one last real push. I’ll try and
buy the stuff today Perhaps I’ll
buy, no I mean take some photos.
I don’t think I have very much
money, but if I have a spare
£10 I shall buy a bottle of rum.
I got a cheque today from T.S.B for
£13 so that can go towards the
camera.
The moon is waxing now
and is full on the 14th. I have
2 ribbons done. If I do a
ribbon now. I full moon, then I
each new moon the spell will
be complete cristmas eve. Yes. That’s
perfect. I MUST re-start the magick.
Perhaps after I could set a date
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and have absolute faith in it? I
dunno. What can I say. I keep forgetting
I have to pay for the necklace,
and the alcohol.
Later: 4:26 am. I couldn’t find a
tape measure. I remember doing all
this about a year ago, looking for the
measure ect. I did find my bank book.
The interest is due now. I have
(from 4 Sept) – £4271.30. It should
be a hundred or so interest.
I could take £3000 out in a bond
and still have nearly £1500 left.
I could easily go abroad on that.
Wow. Plus I have £170 now in the
bank to spend at Christmas time. I
could go somewhere nearer, like
Europe! Suddenly I feel better. This is
very good. I could buy all the boxes
and clothes Monday, get the money
off both guardians and then
have enough for my camera.
It’s all a matter of feeling as if
properly. Really believing I have the
goals _Now_ and not letting
any thought to the contary
interfere. Yes, that’s it. If only
I could make some head way,
it will work out.
MEDITATION YESTERDAY- 10.
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When I left to go to Durhams
shops earlier I was very
suicidal. As I walked down
Abington Avenue I kept feeling my
face ?winacing to cry and had
to try and keep my mind clear.
While I was in there I saw
Simon. He was buying hairspray.
Richard’s brother laughed at us a bit.
He lives up Roe Road which is just
past the church at the back of
me: number 18. I said I’d call
round sometime, and I will, as soon
as I have my camera sorted. I’ll
go and do the mantra now. I’ll
write more a little later.
Meditation 10.
Talking about meditation, I think I’ll
change it, again. It’s often recommended
morning and evening so I shall do that.
Each morning I shall get up and do it
and again before I retire. I shall
write the entries Morning and Evening
Meditation.
6:45am. I’ll go and wash in a
minuit. I don’t know what I’ll do
about the tape measure. Use a piece of
string I expect. I won’t to say
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loads, we’ll do it later. I’ll write this
to remind me.
Notepad before.
Morning out.
Never again.
Accept definately.
[Diagram: A hand-drawn apple or round fruit with a leaf on top. Inside the fruit is the word “Yes.” underlined.]
Date: Monday 5th October 1992 T- 1.21 am.
In loungue Mood 2.1
I’m not even going to begin to
apologise because you’ve heard it a
million times before! I fell asleep, O.K.
I did Ann’s garden and she fetched
me some cygars so I didn’t even have
to go out. Sorry. Sorry to myself.
Well anyway. I’ll get on with it.
Morning Meditation 10.
I really really will buy that stuff
today. Physically I am much much
iller, though mentally I’ve perked up
for some reason. God knows why.
I really wanted to write all this up
in Tescos, but because I never made
it I’ll do it now. I counted up
all my small change and I have
£18. + the 13 from T.S.B, that’s £30,
I’ve got to buy so much though.
[Page 5]
Mind you, if I can get the clothes
and save money twice I should
easily be able to manage it.
the camera I mean. I put those
black and white ones in the
envelope, so I mean album today.
They look quite good, though
generally a little over-exposed.
There may be some post today, who
knows? I’ll have to wait and
see. It would be good to have the
acceptance. I could go straight out
and have everything done today.
I need a flat to write that book
in anyway so I have to look
for a job. Something will turn
up because of the amount of time
I’ve been doing magick for it. It
will work. I need to get it sorted
to accomodate my goals.
The massive mental task
facing me now is of really
living out as if. I’ve felt a
bit better, mainly since I
did the spell, or rather
started re-working it. Yes, very
good. What I really HAVE to
do is to really really believe I
have the goals now as a definate
certainty and act accordingly.
Not to let a stray thought
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enter my mind. To really beleive. Not as I
have been doing, but to structure my
whole life on that beleif. To start
to open up avenues Now. The next
has come now which is the first
thing. + tonight I’ll write down
some numbers I can phone to get
the job search rolling. Also I have
some courier numbers to write to
to see about cheap flights. When I
have my photos I can join the
N.U.S. and there may be
somewhere to fly to. Somewhere
will turn up to where I am
supposed to go. Yes. This is good, it
will all work. I’ll buy the necklace
today no matter what. Yes. Yes.
The letter and photos will be avenues
I am opening up. When I’ve got the
boxes and that I will almost
certainly be able to get the
camera, and the book news will
be here soon. Wow. Yes.
I was thinking about the job. I
did magick a long time ago about
getting the job, well, a regular wage.
Looking now could be it. That
was a couple of months ago.
When I go to my restart
interview I could even end up in
E.T. Though only for now. That’s a
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worst case scenario.
Things Bought By Lovers for Each Other.
Food when you know they’re hungry.
Clothes when you know they’re cold.
A watch to waste their time.
A chest to hide things in.
A book to write their thoughts in.
An animal with character like you so
each time they see it they think of
your pequliaritys and come to love them.
A book of poems you’ve written yourself.
A red cloth heart you’ve stitched yourself.
Some sheets to snuggle under.
A small box with many cloth envelopes
in, all stitched closed. When they’re cut
open each one has a note of money in.
Chocolates laid out on a table to
spell “I love you”.
A framed picture of you both together.
Flowers with little tags attatched to each
stem, each with a sweet nothing on.
Anything left as a surprise when they
don’t expect it.
A Jewelry box stuffed full of acorns
to symbolise new love growing.
A ring put on their finger when they’re
asleep so they only notice it later.
A daisy chain for their head.
An engagement ring.
[Page 3]
I was about to write about ritual, but Ann’s
up.
Date: Monday 5th October 1992 T- 10:24 pm.
Mood 0.4 Loungue.
I don’t know why I need bother to
say anything except you must know
by now what happened. I lied down
for just a while and woke up at
4 in the afternoon. Those pills are awful,
they’re making it much worse. If it’s no
better today I’ll have to stop taking
them. It’s obvious they’re not doing anything.
We’ll see how it goes. Ofcourse I missed
my photography class. I’ll probably
see Paul on Thursday. Next I will
type those letters I never did. I’m running
out of cygars and can hear Ann coming,
well up anyway. I feel paticually bad
today. I must make the effort and
get out later. This is stupid. It’s
so long until I see the doctor.
I’ll have to try and hang on until
then. That’s if I can stand it. I don’t
see what else I can really do.
There really is no point continuing
with the medication so I’ll leave
them. I really hate that doctor.
Otherwise there’s not much else to
report. Ann goes away on Friday,
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definately this time. I see Mum
Wednesday. All the stuff I was
going to do yesterday, well today
actually, I’ll have to do tommorow.
I don’t know what else to say. I
wanted to talk about a ritual, but
I’ll have to do it later when
Geoff’s in. I’ll go and get these
letters done now, and meditate, well,
do the mantra is what I mean. The thing is
by morning I am usually so tierd I
can’t beleive it. I’ll have to wait
up today to get the money off
Ann. Now it’s almost tuesday I can
definately afford the camera, I think.
Sort of.
Morning meditation 13.
Eternal Smells.
Musty outdoor rain off a person’s coat
or smell while hugging them with your
face pressed into their shoulder.
Flower fragence blowing across a field.
A person’s scalp.
A wet wood in the morning.
The choking smell of a burning fire
outside, when it’s cold.
Death.
Favourite food cooking.
[Page 5]
There could be some book news today
I suppose. Ann got a letter today and I
opened it by mistake. I’ll write
that letter soon, but chang it, then
I’ll do some stitching on the dolls.
I’ll play Sgt. Pepper’s while I do it.
I’ve just found the tape after a
long absence. If I get dressed
now there’s less chance I’ll fall
asleep later. I’m pretty sure I’ll
make it downtown later. I’ll get
all I was going to get yesterday.
CLAIRE
Although it’s been a long time now,
Your vision still colours my life.
And when, by chance, I see like face,
I wonder why your not my wife.
The times we spoke: I: me; you never knew,
And through my face my heart stayed low,
So now my spritely nymph has gone
The sunken hearth you’ll never know.
Time marches on and our bodies grow old
In me, emotions grow towards nitrogen cold.
Everyday I remember, little body has gone.
My arms not around; never to hold.
Desperate for you, my unconscious lurching
Angelic image no longer to hide,
Nobody knows I’m crippled and searching,
Just to have you baby my side.
New you, it’s all nothing, while we’re apart,
To gain all, do nothing, nothing for you,
Rising phenoix, new love, germs in my heart
I want you, I want you. I WANT YOU.
J. S. Lipton.
Ann got up earlier because she said she was ill. I’ve just cut myself 5 times for violations concerning thoughts, or rather fantasys. It reminded me how much I do think about them. As I’m going to get sorted out tommorow I should have my new image serve to remind me the new workings of my mind. The thing is it’s so hard not to yearn deeply when I’m reminded while I’m out and about in my ordinary life. It’s so very hard. The thing to do is beleive I have them with a supreme act of will. It will be hard, so very hard, but I can do it. I remember when I tamed the three beasts how hard it was, but it will work. In all the cases of Magick that have worked so far there’s been a complete forgetting process. The thing to remember and do, and almost certainly the hardest thing, is not to run away from things that remind me. If I had the goals now I’d immerse myself in things connected with the goals. Now, always if I see something that reminds me I’m basically shattered. It will take an enormous act of will but I should really be pleased when I’m reminded knowing I already have. Perhaps the necklace will help, something there constantly to remind me. Yes. The reason the will training didn’t work before is because the amount of slips in connection with these goals is tremendous and I allow them to pass to easily. Not good. If I really do cut and record I could affect a habitual complete forgetting process. It’s going to be supremely difficult when I change my image, but I shall use music and alcohol to lift me out of it for a while, only a couple of weeks. I shall buy it today ready. I wanted also to say about a box I want to aquire for christmas, but I shall have to do it down town
Later: 9:14 – In Beatties
My hands so cold I can hardly write. A woman just announced they’re going to have a fire alarm test. (a woman putting ashtrays out has just looked at me writing). It’s much harder writing in a big book like this in public It’s so obvious what you’re doing. I hated walking down just now. My head really needs shaving, but I’m always putting it off. I thought as I walked down the subway to the bus station, I’m going to keep it cropped. This will be symbolic of a new me because I will syncronise it with a new image and jewelry. Only inside will like have any meaning what-so-ever. It will be hard to adjust, but not with alcohol will it be too bad. It will probably only be things outside to remind me to overcome. Anyway, what I thought was thus I’m restarting as if because my depression was caused by losing my faith basically. The razor will restart that for me. I wish I’d brought my camera, but it was a little dark for 100 film. Anyway, because the new image is really a new me and new effort I could take a VOW OF SILENCE! When I put the necklace on I could symbolically let go of Ann and embrace my new life. The vow of silence would only apply to Raymonda Franklin and would be in effect forever. This would solve alot of problems in one go. Firstly all the little stupid things I get wound up about would be finished. Most important would be a lasting commitment to work and get out. If I can’t talk to her how could I really live there, also there wouldn’t be the recurring problem I’ve had all the times before, namely of moving back in repeatedly. If I was on a vow of silence, how could that happen? It would probably cause a massive row but once sworn there would be no turning back or it would there? I’ll go and see about the necklace now then off to B.K. I have a free meal ticket but if I buy two meals with 2 drinks I’ll look a right pathatic pillock. We’ll see.
10:10 In Burgerking.
I handed in the coupon. It took me 10 minutes with the manager to get what I wanted. He let me have large everything instead of everything twice. I’ve never felt full with the said burgerking portions before, today is a first. It’s nice to talk to a person without inhabition.
The girl that reminds me came in a little time ago. I couldn’t actually see her face.
I’m so tired now. Shattered. They’re painting my room today, so ofcourse I can’t go home. I’m shoved out until after my English class to which I don’t really want to go, though I’ve finished my Shakespeare. I’m not much in the mood to go shopping either. I really don’t want to, but I have to get this sorted. I’ll have to try. Argos was a bit crowded so I didn’t get the necklace. I wish I hadn’t of taken that pill. I feel shit basically. If I went home I couldn’t sleep anyway. Perhaps it’s what I need. God knows what I’ll do for 5 hours minimum. I could go cinema at 2, but that’s still 3 hours to fill. I’ll go and get those books soon. Perhaps. I may aswell try to get stuff done because I can’t go home. I don’t really have one. Perhaps I’ll go to the job centre later. I’ll definately ring up for an interview. There’s not much else to do. The only hard thing to do is to buy the shoes, the rest is relatively easy. It’s all a start and it is for my goals. God I’m tierd. You wouldn’t beleive how much I need to go to bed. I’ll get a move on. I could go to the cinema and walk up I suppose. If I really _do_ forget and beleive then I should be ready around Christmas. I’ve just felt my face and I think I need to shave. Actually I reckon I may go
home for a while I’m so tiered If I could just lie down for a little while then I could come back downtown later. What if I get up?. I really do need to rest now. I could be in bed for 12 and be up 4. As long as I’ve last for 5:30 I’ll be O.K. Look at my bent reasoning here. Anything to get out of shopping Maybe when I walk about a bit I’ll be O.K. I dunno. It seems drastic to go home now, especially if I just come straight back down. I shouldn’t really stop shaving at weekends. Oh dear it’s quite full in here now. I’m dreading how long it will take me to walk home again. God. I’m so lost. Where the hell can I go that I want to go? I’ll have to go home and see what the situation is. That would be best. I feel so awful. I hate this place when it is full like this. Oh I want _BED_.
10:21pm – In Loungue.
I got home and laid on the floor by heaven’s bed. I woke up at 5:45 and had to go straight out. God. I felt so awful, and I ain’t over the moon now. I really really didn’t want to go and I didn’t feel much better when I got
there. We did some more shakespear. I really wasn’t in the mood today. At one point you had to discuss things with a partner and I just sat in silence with the girl next to me. That Indian boy spoke as I left. I’m not really enjoying it to be honest. History tomorrow is even worse. I must get something done. Thursday has to be the day. The Will was about eleven. I think it’s a bit better to be doing that. When I’m on my own like this I don’t feel too bad. Casablanca’s on later. I think I’ll tape it. Maybe. What else?. I must make it out tomorrow. I’ll have to buy some decent food. I’ll meditate, well, do the mantra before I go to bed. Sometimes when I do it I get a long stint of concentration. Having the watch on my wrist so I can’t chronowatch really helps. It means I’m more likely to get an unbroken chain. I really must get on with this. Even though the scores not improving I feel I am. Because I have to do it twice.
Geoffery’s just walked in. Here out now.
Now gone. If I was doing it twice daily I think I’ll achieve complete concentration sooner I can feel this to be the case. Right. I’m off to bed now.
Date: Wednesday 7th October 1992 T- 5:10pm
Mood- 0.3. At Tesco’s.
I’ve just come from Mum in B.H.S. Before I went in I saw the girl with glasses that used to sit in here, & inside B.H.S as well. It’s all very coincidental. Mum and I sat in silence for 1/2 an hour, then talked about suicide – namely should I do it. It was a most depressing conversation. I didn’t leave the house until 3pm and course didn’t buy anything. I’m up here now probably for the last time. I did ring up the dole office We talked about E.T. and I arranged an interview. They’re going to send a letter. I bet it won’t be until ages. All this together has made me feel awful. With some courses on E.T. there’s a waiting list! A waiting list when you’re offering to work for nothing! I really don’t know what to do now. I’ll have to wait for an interview, then wait for a place. It’s laughable. I’ve looked for a job in the paper but there’s nothing. I need at least £120 a week & 4 = 480
12
9.60
4800
57.60
That’s 6000 pa. Oh I don’t know what to do. I’ll be alright until Ann
gets back but then I’m finished. I really can’t stand another week. I’ll have to have Faith. I’ll just believe something will turn up. For the first time ever I want to work! Unbelievable. Well, actually I want to move. There’s no way to proceed other than to have simple faith I honestly can’t live with Ann anymore. I dread the history lesson and am filled with terror at the thought of going home. I just don’t want to, simple as that. Still, only a couple more nights. This week will be a _LAST_ week, no matter what happens, even if I have to die or sleep in the streets. I just can’t do it anymore. It WILL work. I’m going to give it all I’ve got THIS week. Make or break time. I’m honestly finished otherwise. I’ll have to write later. I haven’t done an ounce of History homework, I’ll have to do it now. Oh PLEASE.
Date: Friday 9th October 1992 T- 9:56pm
Mood- 1.3 In Loungue.
Yesterday Morning Med – 13.
Yesterday Evening Med – 10
Today Morning Med – 16.
Yest. Eve. I was drunk. Which seemed to help.
Ann’s gone to bed early. Geoff had to go out because Louise rang up to say she’d been burgled and wanted him to change the locks.
I was planning to go out today, but, you guessed it! I was in bed. I’ve stopped taking the medication. I’ll probably start when Ann goes. I’ll see how it is then. To ge myself up yesterday I had some rum I’d bought on the way home from History. I played music with my broken headphone. I’d drunk a little the night before. By 10:00 Clock am. I’d had enough. I was tired, but nothing was spinning, nor was I sick. I woke up about 5am. I felt a little better now, but only because I’m alone. It’s when Ann is up and all over the place it’s worst. I was going to write about what my general plan for now is.
I’m going to write it all down day by day today. I have a week to get in a new rythm and make something happen. I really must push forward. Now it is make or break. I shall make a plan now and have complete faith in it. I really don’t see what else I can do. There is nothing else except, hopefully, for this to come together.
is stupid. I must just totally believe. I shall take my camera out today, my S.L.R. I mean. I’ll photograph what happens to me. I think this little camera really will help. It will help to know I am recording all this to show at a later date.
My happiness depends on how well I can control the will. If I can use my razor well enough to not allow the simplest fantasy or shread of disbeleif, I can find the key to happiness. Also I mustn’t let unhappy people out in the world upset me. I see and hear them complaining on T.V. and newspapers complaining and explaining how bad the world is, I HAVE to remember they’re talking about their world. There must be NO disbeleif. Also there’s nothing I can do about being ill except wait for the doctor. and my goals will succeed regardless of my situation. The result WILL suit how ever I am perfectly and that’s the end of it.
Date: Friday 9th September 1992
T- 10-33am. Mood 0.3 h- Old Oak Cafe, Abington Park.
Well, what can I say? I’ve just come from the hairdressers. I’ve finally had it done, after all this deliberation. It looks awful. Oh Jesus what am I doing? They’re playing an instrumental version of “whiter shade of pale”. They always play sad stuff here. The woman keeps looking at me funny. I remember coming in here with Joan and we were both depressed because we’d heard no book news. All of a sudden “Yesterday” by the Beatles came in and we both laughed!, well, sort of! I really think this looks bad. I’m so lonely. As I walked down here the sun came out and lit the autumn leaves. I’ve got that 1000 film in so I walked round and took some photos. In the barbers I asked to go to the toilet and it was a wall at the back of the salon! My hair is full of dandruff and has patches all over it. I think that woman is looking because she thinks I’m writing something about her. Oh shit I feel awful. I’ll go downtown soon. I’ll defo get the camera today. I’m facing up to my fear so I deserve it. A woman came in a sec ago with a small child. What am I going to do all day? I’ll buy Abbey Road today. I need a few things. I’ll perhaps shop until two and go cinema then Kentucky. Ann don’t till six. My pen ran out so I’ll write up later.
Later: 7:51 pm. In Lounge. Ann has gone! I left the cafe and from there it’s a mixed bag. I felt awkward with myself, but that’s nothing new. I went round looking for shoes, but didn’t dare buy any. Next I went to the cinema to watch “The Unforgiven”. It was pretty rubbish, but I got a colour photo of the interior. I left and went to Boots to get some headphones. I was mumbling over what I wanted to say so the woman had to get someone to “interprit”. I bought Abbey Road. Looking for the camera I ended up, water eyes, in Doormans. I asked to see the MJU and asked if I could have money off for cash. He said £104, I said £100 and he asked if I had it then. I showed him and he said O.K. I got it!
While I was downtown I saw Mary Crook, my old English teacher, outside the Abington Street entrance to Peacock place. I saw John Lovett from the occult shop on the way home and he said hallo. Still, at least I don’t have to worry about going in there now. Coincidence- I saw a box in a bin outside the hairdressers and it had a flower- red- with Chinese symbols on it. The hairdressers is next to a take-away. Next, a Chinese woman was buying a tape with B.P. vouchers when I bought Abbey road, with our song on it. Next, in my camera’s manual the models are all Japanese models. That’s three today. I could cut the manual up for my magickal album, but I dunno.
Before I came home I went to Kentucky. Trudy’s sister was there, making alot of noise as usual. I’m going to go up and meditate to Abbey Road. I’m so tired. I’ll write up later. Sleep!
Date: Saturday 10th October 1992 T- 2:42am
Mood- 0.8 In lounge.
I’m up again. It took me ages to get to sleep. Awful. Geoff came back but hasn’t seen me yet. It was good to hear Abbey Road again. Sometimes I could cry when I hear that album. It just seems to strike a cord with me. It sounds really different through my new headphones. With my broken adapter I have to wiggle them about to get them to work.
Now I’m up I’ll meditate and do the magick. I need to do something. I’m lighting all the surplus candles I have today. I’ll have just 20 left. I counted them all out and it’s exactly the yellow and white I have to burn today. All the ones I have left are exactly blue and pink. That’s another co-incidence.
Later. 7:01 am. I’ve done 4 photographs. (the ritual). Talking, as I was, of “co-incidences. When I bought my filter set it had a leaflet with pictures I used in my voodoo box. I bought a magazine recently which gave a free adaptor with the same leaflet in, that’s alot of co-incidences recently. It’s like when I was on holiday, all the things that kept happening.
I’ve just this very minute had a letter from Oxford. It was that stupid Llewellyn catalogue. It was in an A4 envelope and felt exactly like a rejection letter used to do, because I’d had them all back except one. I had expected that letter back by now. Well Well! They said it should be soon from now, which was then if you
see what I mean. It’s exactly a month now. I must be in there, surely. I will definately ring up tuesday, I don’t think that’s rude. they will have had it nearly 7 months. It’s over a month since my last phone call so I will be able to find out what’s happening…… Yes, I think tuesday is best. I should be alright until then. I’m going to go and visualise then.
Date: Sunday 11th October 1992 T- 1.49am.
Mood 0.3 In Loungue.
_Oh my God_. This is unbelivable. WE’VE BEEN BURGLED AND I _crossed out: LOCKE_ LEFT THE DOOR OPEN. I don’t remember closing it. Geoff said the door was open and there’s no sign of forced entry. I must have done. This is awful. I was asleep in bed. I came home and went to bed. Next thing I know Geoff is shouting outside my door. I go to his room and downstairs and there’s stuff all over the place. I’ve took some photos. Lucky I have the new camera. I can’t believe this has happened. It’s completely my fault. Unbelivable. It’s completely unbelieveable. Wow. I don’t know what to say. As usual everyday I was drunk so I must have forgotten to do it. I must have not locked the door. Oh no. no. no. no. no. no. Geoff’s clothes have gone, as well as Ann’s, and her ring. I just don’t believe this. C.I.D. came round and looked at everything. I just don’t believe this happened. Geoff thought about smashing a window to make it look as though we were burgled. I said that people would have hear and know the time was wrong. Geoff was have good left for the night at 10. to 1. He must have left and I come in. I went to bed about 4 pm. He woke me up about eleven. It has all been taken. The worst thing for me is that they’ve forced open the voodoo box! and been through where the dolls are. The box is on the floor, they told me not to touch it but I shall have to go through and take the photo’s out or they’ll think I’m some sort of weirdo. God, I was just picking myself up aswell. Ann’s going to have to come back. so that’s this last week finished. The spell was just re-taking off. It’s all gone now. I’m going to go and play Abbey Road I don’t know what I’ll do. This is terrible, I’m finished. Oh no! I was just about finished and could only stand this week, now she’s coming back, I don’t know how I can stand it. Did I make this happen? I’m going to play Abbey Road. I don’t know what will happen next. Tara.
Later- 7:33am. Geoff’s still in bed. What can I say. I’ve taken some photos of the damage. The house has been burgled and it’s my fault and that’s the end of it. I’ve had a drink but I’m frighteny sober. This is terrible. The police reckon he must have tried my door. The booze and these damn pills kept me asleep. Geoff lied to the police and told them they let themselves in but then he told me to go upstairs. He then confessed and they said they wouldn’t say anything, but I will. I really don’t know what to say about this. At least they haven’t recked the whole place up. Even if I didn’t do this myself I caused it to happen. All the anger I’ve felt towards those two and repressed has manifested in this. This is what has happened. I feel awful. I almost took an over-dose upstairs. I got it all ready, but I’m still here. This is extremely sour, maybe it’s part of something extremely sweet. Now Ann will come back and I could only stand another little while. God knows whats going to happen now. If she comes back and it’s as usual then I’ll be done. Finished.
Ann’s peal necklace has gone and Geoff said he’s lost everything he ever worked for. He was saving some coins for a little girl of a friend of his that was killed in a car road accident.
Well, maybe I just have to weather this, I don’t see how I will though, especially now Ann will come back. The voodoo box has been forced open so that’s ruined. I dunno what to say. I can’t live here anymore with Ann, and now this has happened to bring her back. Oh no! what can ever do? I feel so tired and sick. I think I might throw up soon. How I’ll ever get through this I don’t know. I’m going to the shop. I’ll have to use Ann’s keys to lock the door. I hope I’m not sick.
Date: Monday 12th October 1992 T- 7.09am.
Mood – 0.8 In Loungue. [Symbol: circled face with straight line mouth] (Lost my pen)
I was in a post office trying to draw a rent cheque I was taking too long and everybody was mad at me. I realised it wasn’t a cheque and couldn’t have any money anyway.
I was at Lings forums for the chinese new year, taking lots of photos John was there, so was Steven Pinder. I realised there was no one there I liked because it was only a mid-year celebration by the Chinese and I should go back in february for the proper vietnamese celebration.
INTERPRETATION- [Symbol: circled 2] The cheque is because I tried to pay a cheque in the other day, but they wouldn’t let me because it was non-transferable. The Lings part – I dunno. Maybe it’s because I’m pleased with my new camera. It perhaps mean now is not the time for the goal, it’s “mid-year”. I still liked the photos I did take though. I can still take photos now ready. That’s it I can take them ready for the new year. Much better!
The post has just come. Maybe its the sour
now is the success I’ll go and photograph, no matter what.
Date: Tuesday 13th October 1992 T- 6:55am.
Mood 1.0 In Loungue
I found my pen, it was in my jacket. All the ink had gone out but I don’t know where to, there’s nothing stained on my jacket. I’m afraid it’s not got much better. Yesterday Geoff’s friend came to change the locks. Geoff kept on saying things about keeping tidy, then saying I’m not blaming you – every 5 minutes. After a while I went out. I went to spar to buy some cigars and alcohol. I carried on downtown and went to the post office for Geoff to get new passport and driving liscence forms. I put my photos in Boots and the woman said it’s a black + white film that will have to be sent off. I said O.K, but I thought it was a C-41. I went to the other boots to check and I was right, it can be put through colour chemicals, but comes out sepia coloured. Probably the woman on the counter didn’t know. I went back and exaplained and she looked blank and called the manager. I was right. She said she knew but didn’t want to ask if I wanted Sepia! Ha! Anyway, the’ll be ready thurs. (The post card (No, just a thing from thomsons). I walked round and smoked a bit. I was paranoid everybody was looking at me and laughing. Next I walked round smoking, then went to the bus-station. On the way there outside the Grosvner Tesco’s café, as she walked she passed within a few feet of me. God I sound like a groupie don’t I?. It felt symbolic, as though my goals were coming closer. Wow. I got on the bus and going up I saw Vaun from my photography class get on at the methodist church on the Kettering Road. I went to the class, Paul came in, though to start with it was just me and Vaun + Clare. The tutor kept looking at me funny though. Talk about embarrasing. I wish people would have kept laughing or something. I came home with Paul and said he could have my old camera. He was mad because the tutor had been sarcastic at him. I said forget it. He said we’ll go out somewhere. I’ll see him Thursday. tute. I’ll have to go up + do my homework. The’ll be up soon. I’ll write later.
Later – 2:05pm I’ve just done the washing up. Mary Salawan came round about the burglary to say she saw the bedroom light on about 9.25pm, no, bathroom, with the curtains drawn, so it must have happened before then. The window cleaner came round and Ann had given him a set of keys to clean the inside windows! I let him in and he did them anyway. I took a couple of photos of him without him knowing, as I did in photography last week, no, I mean yesterday. I got 1 of the tutor and class and one of that chinese kid that was on the bus, Vaun I think he’s called. It was so easy because everyone had their camera’s out anyway and Paul was clicking his empty camera anyway, so noone noticed little me. I think Vaun looked after I’d done him though. I used the Olympus to grab Paul in the van, though he was a little out of frame so it may not be focused properly. Still, Any shot is better than no shot. I think that dream was encouraging yesterday. I did only get 1 rubbish photo _crossed out: but_ and it was very unarranged but I know so much more about it now I could quite easily get some fast black and white and tungsten slides. It would be mostly black and white though. I think that’s what the dream was trying to say, that is my camera box is a good idea. I can take photos now ready for my goal. I tried to chuck my lockable, now ruined, voodoo box away but Geoff told me to bring it back for the insurance claim. It really is very strange, the way it happened. Nothing of mine went except the keys. The more I think about it the more suspicious the windowcleaners keys seem. I’ll have to sleep on it. All this happening, it must be something to do with the goal. It’s getting very bad before it gets better. I can’t think what else. Perhaps I should ring up for the book today. Oh I dunno. Perhaps tomorrow is best. I think all this was something to do with the window-cleaners keys. Oh lor. Well anyway, all this must be ?sour or something. Even if it was a key job I obviously caused it by my thoughts about not being here. I have to try for something while I’m alone here. I’ll definately do the book tommorow. It will make me feel better when I have to go to History class. I haven’t meditated since it happened. That’s terrible. It should be when I’m doing it most. I’ve stopped taking the medication, and feel fine. Yes.
My goals must work soon. They can’t take much longer. It’s about a month since the book enquiry so I really have to ring up to see what’s going on. I don’t think it’s unreasonable after seven. I’ll probably get a yes then on the phone. I don’t see why not. It’s nearly 4, I’ll put the thermostat on and go and visualise now, there’s no way I can make it to college. I didn’t get any work done. I don’t know what else to say. I’ll go up then.
Date: Wednesday 14th October 1992 T- 9:16am.
Mood 1.1 In Loungue.
Geoff asked me yesterday so I told him about the window cleaner, he
Thanks it’s likely so he’s going to tell the police. I should get insurance for that box that was taken so I can spend a little extra and buy that trunk I was going to use from Christmas onwards. It would be perfect.
Later. 10:01am. I suppose I’ll have to get ready soon. I haven’t done any history work yet.
On the way to the shop yesterday I saw Simon just coming back from the chip shop up by the spar at the bottom of Roe Road where he lives. He’s got a new girlfriend ect. & I told him we’d been done. I had my little camera right in my hand so I took about four of him, which is exactly what I bought it for. Perfect. It was so handy to have it. I couldn’t have been happier. All the photos I’ll be able to get now. Yes! It’s really good. Wow! I’ll carry it everywhere I go from now on. Oh yes! I’ll have to get an album tomorrow and stay in & get them done. I’ll have to be out first thing though, that way I should be back for lunchtime and I have three Chinese films to watch, oh it’s all so perfect? Simon
had had his hair cut too. Wow. Yes. I’m so pleased with that camera. It’s the best thing I’ve ever bought. I’m so happy. I feel bad generally though. I must keep practicing magic. I have them all _NOW_. I haven’t had a good visualising session since this all happened. I’ll start. I haven’t done my history work so I’ll probably have to go up to the library for it. I’ll have a look for those cases though, oh yes, I must try the I-ching to see what will happen if I ring up the bank, I’ll think about it while I get ready. I’ll do the ribbon tommorrow aswell. It’s late but we also broke in a door before the full moon! If I belatedly do the baffle tomorrow I can do two.
Later. 12:10 pm. I got a bit ready. I don’t believe it after what I just said about that camera: it’s broke! Unbelievable. When I try to turn it on it sometimes doesn’t turn on or turns itself off! I’ll have to take it in to be fixed. I’ve never been so disapointed, well, perhaps except once. I suppose I’ll have to wait a month, what a disapointment. I was really
pleased with it only a moment ago aswell. Damn. I won’t ring up today. the publishers today then, I’ll do it tommorrow when I watch the films. The last time I did that was when I had a Chinese dinner and box of chocolates. God that camera was a waste then. It don’t even work properly. I’ll have to carry my S.L.R around for ages! Oh shit. Everythings gone wrong today, it’s been terrible generally for a couple of weeks, _NOTHING_ has gone right. I wish I’d never been born. Why is nothing right. Tommorrow I’ll see Paul and will give him the old camera, I’ll use up the film I have and then take it in to be bloody well fixed. Awwell. I really feel shit now, then I’ll go downtown and depress Mum. This is horrible. Then history? Leave me alone.
Date: Thursday 15th October 1992 T- 3:39am.
Mood – 0.7 L- In Loungue.
Here I am. You probably guessed it was a terrible day. I got ready and drank far, far too much. I went to Jessops and bought some 3200 film on Visa, but was so drunk I
can hardly remember it. In B.H.S. I saw Mum and took some photos. I was slurring my speech really badly. I dropped a match and accidentally set fire to a tissue. Next, I went to the toilet and was sick, mostly over myself. God, how embarrasing. We left and went to Marks and came home. I had some chips and was sick again. I had a glass of water and went to bed. I did buy that learn Chinese book, but haven’t looked at it yet.
I’ll go and visualise soon. I haven’t done that for a while I have to start living properly again. I won’t drink today and I’ll get some stuff sorted. I can get my photos back from town. I’ll get an album to put them in. Oh dear. I don’t know what I want but there’s something wrong here. Perhaps meditating and making an effort today will help. I’ve got 2 days on my own. Whereas I usually get drunk on days like this, today I’ll stay sober as a novelty. I feel ill but being sober is going to make that go away. If I can get over this and get something sorted out I should be alright. I can look forward to the photos and I will look at a box
aswell. I don’t know how long it will take for this to wear off. If I can only get past/through it with ease it could be alright. Yes. It could be not too bad. I’ll see Paul today and make an effort. I think I need a lie down. Oh dear.
Dear ?… What the hell am I doing?.
Date: Friday 16th October 1992. T- 12:37am.
Mood – 1.4. In Loungue.
Yesterday I kept remembering all the things I did Wednesday and feeling awful. I found sick all over my clothes, how embarrasing.
Anyway, I got ready and finally left the house. Down by the crossing at the racecourse course pavillion I got the feeling a bloke was following me so instead of going over the park where I was heading to sign on I went up the Kettering Road, where I saw Tierney by the greengrocers. He said he now lives up near the Chronicle & Echo. He laughed because he said I always get my head shaved at the start of winter. I had my little camera so I took a fair few photos. I then went to
I argued. the woman wasn’t pleased I was a day late. Then I went to the market to see Paul. Ruben Cash was there and they both knew each other. All three of us stood and talked and paul and I explained how we knew each other. I took a few _crossed out: photos_ photos and he played the guitar for me. He was quite good on it. I gave him the camera and he asked if I wanted anything and I said lots and just fire. He seems to have a good thing going. I took the camera in, the bloke said it was fine, and ofcourse in the shop it acted perfectly. Bloody thing. I’ll just have to put up with it. I got my photos and a pink album! and came home. I sorted out the photos and they were fine. I think with the flash so close to the lense red eye is going to be a problem, I shall have to get in the habit of using the pre-flash facility.
I never rung up the publisher, I MUST do it tommorrow. _crossed out: A_ I was going to say more but I’m tired so I’ll go up.
Date: Saturday 17th October 1992 T- 3:32pm
Mood: 1.1 L- Loungue.
Yesterday was one of those better days. I read in the paper that the queen was coming to officially open the Guildhall. I went down and found it packed. I did get a couple of photos though. Walking up Fish Street Damen Tierney ran up and stopped me. We went to the Belvader pub where he was. He bought me a drink and we had a talk. I took a few photos. He’d put an old lighter in the ashtray and unknown to me it was leaking. When I put my cigar in the ashtray there was an explosion. We both laughed. He said he saw Simon who said i’d been taking photos and the’d both laughed at my “bloody camera!”. He told me Jason had moved to Wales! He saw his brother and he told him. He’s gone there with his uncle. We left and went to Gold Street so he could buy some batteries and headphones. He came to Boots while I put my films in then I bought him Tea in the Friary. An old man dropped his tray and a child spat drink at me through a straw. Damen phoned his Mum and we left. I went to the toilet which was full of kids who’d come to see the Queen. I went back up and then saw a girl from my English class. We (T.M) parted and I went to stand in the
cold for ages waiting. There were screaming kids everywhere. She finally came out, but not that close to me. I have got a few photos of her small frame though, so at least one should turn out.
I went to get my photos and the woman who’d rowed with me was there. She laughed when I walked up though.
I came home and Louise was here at 4:30pm! I had my dinner and lied down. Then I went to bed.
I can’t beleive Jason is moving away. That must have been why he was trying to get in contact with me. I don’t suppose he’ll come back very often so there’s a good chance I’ll never see him again, unless he turns up on the off-chance. Who knows? Not me. I’m glad I’ve got some photographs of him. It’s nearly a year now since I stopped going round with him. It seems much longer. Now I can’t have him I want him!
Damen told me he was in Prison for his birthday so he must of had a worse day than me.
Goodbye Jason, The person I was one time ever closest to.
I’ll have something to eat & wankie. I’ll
read my magick book to inspire me.
[Symbol: Circled 3] I forgot this one.
I was drunk in B.H.S and argued with the cashier about money. A girl threw me into the table.
INTERPRETATION: Just going back to when I was there last.
I’m going downtown soon. Geoff won’t be back until late because he’s going to a wedding. Brian rung up and he wants me to pick some tickets up for him. I’ll have to go to the Derngate, at least I think it’s there. I’ll chuck a couple of films in to be done. The film from B.H.S and Marks & spencers and I’ll do Damen and the queen on Monday, but I’ll do 24 hours so I can pick them all up on Wednesday. That’s when my dole appointment is, I think. I’ll have to check. Perhaps by mondayish I will have used up my compact film. I’ve only used three, then again it’s not got much on so I probably won’t do it until later. I won’t be back for a while so I’ll have to race round with the hoover. Geoff will probably want it really clean for Ann, to not upset her. Apparently Simon
accused Damen of doing it.
Later – 10:52pm. I was really tired earlier, but made it downtown. I got the tickets and nearly broke my neck falling over a kid jumping around a trolley. I didn’t really see anybody today. That Beatles concert is 7:30 in the Spinney Hall, that’s where I used to do Hobby’s club! I think. I could buy a ticket and leave photography early. It would take me ages to get home though. It would probably end around 10ish. I could buy some 3200 film & use that there! Yes! I should be home in around an hour and it’s mostly a busy Road if it’s where I think it is. I walked for miles looking for somewhere to buy tabacco though today.
I’ll go bed now but I’ll have to be up early to find somewhere again but also to clean up. Neither of us did it today! I don’t know what else to say. I forgot to put the films in. Never mind.
I dunno what else to say. I MUST do the double ritual tommorrow. I’m so lazy it’s unbelievable.
Date: Sunday 18th October 1992
down now.
Geoff shut me out earlier then said he’d get my coat. He said now Louise got it so I ought to say thank you! Ha! He always says she does stuff like that. He also went on about the cigar smoke ext. What a pain he is.
It’s getting really late now, I shall have to go up soon.
Another thing that happened is Geoff reckons he can get a cheap tripod off Tony, probably for nothing. It’s good how abundance now seems to flow naturally towards me. The only thing is that I must stop resisting it and to renew my faith.
I’ll try and get up early tommorow, but I shall DEFINATELY do something towards my goals. And that’s the end of it.
I’ll go up soon, I dunno what else to say. I hope my cold is better soon, though they generally last a week. We’ll see.
It’s horrible with Ann back.
I’ve got about £140 saved up for Christmas now. I’ll have enough to go somewhere.
I saw in the paper a couple of flats bedsits advertised that don’t object to
D.S.S. I’ll keep my eye’s open once I have a bit of organisation going on. We’ll see. One thing is certain and that’s I can’t go on like this. Something has to give somewhere.
I go jobcentre Wednesday. Maybe something will happen there. Night.
Date: Tuesday 20th October 1992
T- 11:14pm Mood: 1.8 L- Loungue.
Here I am. Ann’s in bed and Geoff’s not home yet and I didn’t go to my History class, no I mean English. I shall definately make it to History. My appointment is tommorow so I shall definately be there and also I shall have to ring mum to say I shall either not be there or will be late. I hope I will be there because I need the money.
I went downtown late today but did see Johnathan while I was there, the ginger boy I used to work with. As usual I had my camera so I could get some photos of him. It acted funny as I used it, at the end it wouldn’t rewind for a while. Still, now I have it. I seem to keep seeing people I know. Strange. It seems to have a magnet effect.
I paid the rent cheque in today which is good. That was my step forward, though I didn’t get the bag. Tommorow is the E.T. I shall HAVE to get up for the interview. Next I dunno I shall definately get the money sorted out tommorow. I shall make a list of everything that needs to be done at some point. I feel a bit better doing one thing a day. It makes me feel asthough I am getting somewhere. Yes, this is good.
In a book somewhere there’s an intensive course you can go on called Teaching English as a Forgain Language. I could try and wangle the money at christmas, Arrange to go away in a half-term and get that. Then use my N.U.S. card to book a cheap flight to the country of my choice to live. I could even still make my UCCA application defered! Then see what I want to do when I’ve been out there for a year. Yes. One step at a time. I dunno how much these courses cost. I’ll look it up sometime, but 1st I’ll carry on as I am, one thing at a time. There seems so many avenues I can go down at the minute. I think this way is best. Yes, it’s perfect. One day at a time though. That
really is best. 11:42pm. Geoff’s back with his silly “please stop annoying” quips. OTT. He was quite nice today.
I think I’ve struck upon the best idea. I will definately have a ticket for somewhere by the Chinese New Year, and that’s a [Symbol: jagged cloud outline around the word PROMISE] PROMISE. Yes. If I keep on doing 1 thing a day and write it down in this diary as a first entry after the date thus.
Walk On – Rent cheque in building Soc.
Yes, that’s a good idea. Even when I have most of the practicalities sorted I can still sort out stuff and go forward by studying. Oh this is perfect. I can put that £3000 in a 2 year bond, which would then mature either when I am back or out if I stay out there it could help me what-ever. The money will be secure. I could even do it 5 years and be laughing. Oh what perfection. I think it’s going to be alright. I will definately do 1 thing a day. Funnily enough (though is anything funny now?) Johnathan’s thinking of getting a job in a casino is South Africa: So he’s had a similar idea, right back to Earth. I’m off to bed now I get up for the interview.
Date: Wednesday 21st October 1992 T- 11:30
M- 1.1 L- In Loungue.
[inserted above: Walk On – Arranged Course.]
Here I am, and it’s sweet ‘n’ sour. I got up this-morning on time, because college rung up to say a tutor was ill. Next I went to the job-centre. Apart from the woman looking at my hair it was O.K. and we phoned E.T. Luckily? there had been a couple of cancellations, so there was a space for next Monday! I went to meet Mum, I told her and then I went to the interview. She looked at me funny aswell. I had to do an aptitude test that asked about VAT ext. She forgot to give me a calculator, I’d started to do it with paper! I filled out the form and I was in. She took me to another room where a class was just finishing. I felt such an idiot! She introduced me and the class all laughed. I felt a bit over-dressed in my suit. I got out and looked in a shop window and realised how bad my dandruff is again. I’ll wash it before I go out tommorow. I’m going up to unwinde
Date: Thursday 22nd October 1992 T- 2:45
Mood- 2.1 L- In Loungue.
For £125.00 it has databack, so I could know when I took a photo. Trip viewer for candids, which I could even use with self-timer to set off, noone would have a clue I took a photo. DX 100-1600 so I could use it most places. and flash off. That’s everything I need. I could have 1600 in that, 400 B+W in the Olympus & 25 colour in my SLR. I’d be covered for everything. I could walk round everywhere with both compacts, using the olympus for most but the Yashica for places where I need to be discreet but wouldn’t usually get a photograph. Yes, I’d then have 3 cameras to cover all eventualities. Yes, that’s great.
I’ll get a list done today of all the things that need to be done. Next I’ll split them off into days, sign it and religiously do one a day. That will be great.
Date: Sunday 25th October 1992 1-3:13pm
Mood 3.1 L- Lounge
[left margin: walk m-] Done lists partly.
[Symbol: circled 6]
Geoff visited a medium. INTERPRETATION – D[cut off]
I went to bed. Yes, I don’t even have to explain, you know. Well anyway, I woke up as the kids arrived, luckily they went out to the shops so I got out then. I saw Geoff for an instant. I went to Smiths, then B.H.S. All the staff are new. I went upnext to buy cigars, then B.K, then to the cinema to see 1492, about Columbus. What a load of right wing tripe! Gits.
One thing I did do was consider the ritual. It’s bonfire night soon. The fireworks and sparklers could be very useful. I’m not sure about actual fireworks, but sparklers could be very good, especially now because they have all these fancy candles out now. I could get twelve, one for each month, together with decoration. I could number each one and burn it at the end of each month. The christmas decoration would remind me I will be celebrating next years christmas with my goals. Now I could easily stop myself having any thought to the contrary what-so-ever. Yes. With 52 sparklers I could light one a week so I should have last years candles. I could easily remember once a Friday, I could make a simple poem including the words Christmas 93 so my unconscious is
infused. Yes, spot on. Wow. Next I would be burning a sparkler weekly – I would visualize a light over me & goals / going forth, finding good and bringing it to me – A SPARKLING light, and see, amongst other things, enjoying christmas with 93 on calender and lighting the remaining sparklers. Something to do everyday would be good but 365 of something would be so expensive. We’ll see. In the Japanese Shop in the grosvner they have loads of great stuff – like insence in great packets, I could light one with a sparkler. Postcards for the inside of my box ect. John has some huge joss-sticks for outside ceremonial use. Perhaps one of those with the candles a month and the smell could be visualized bringing my goal. I could buy it all now and fill my goal at Christmas I mean fill my box! Yes. With all these things to do – seeing myself with my goals using up the last as it all ends I get then by 94. (Ann’s here so I’ll do it later, I took a photo anyway). (She’s gone).
It would be something to do weekly with as if. Apart from this I would forget about it. I shall start Monday and get something everyweek. I can also use that spray string and snow
All this will be used with complete faith and no thought to the contrary what-so-ever. Yes, perfect. I’m going up to visualize now. I’ll start buying stuff this week and will think what to do when I have it.
Maybe later.
[top margin: From the looking glass]
[Taped insert: A two-page spread from a Burger King Kids Club activity booklet. The left page has a large blue heading “CLUB PUZZLER!” with a maze titled “FOLLOW THE MAZE!” featuring cartoon characters. The right page has a blue sidebar titled “JOIN THE BURGER KING KIDS CLUB” and “CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY” with small circular portraits of characters like Kid Vid, Snaps, Jaws, Boomer, Wheels, and I.Q.]
[Taped insert: TENOVUS FIGHTS CANCER 50p WIN A CAR OR £5,000 CASH NOVA PLUS THOUSANDS OF CASH WINNERS INCLUDING £1000 PRIZES VIDEOS – MICROWAVES CASH MATCH £1000 DO NOT REMOVE 777 = CAR PLAY ALL THREE CARDS 21 PAYS £1000]
From the last history lesson.
[Taped insert: Westbrooks Take Away 1. 15 SILVER STREET, KETTERING TEL: 512712 & 413655 2. 17 MAREFAIR, NORTHAMPTON TEL: 20506 3. 6 ABINGTON SQUARE, NORTHAMPTON TEL: 37041 PROBABLY THE BEST KEBAB HOUSE IN NORTHANTS.]
↑ From ?Concert Queen day
[Taped insert: NORTHAMPTON VISITOR CENTRE Tourist Information Centre Mr. Grant’s House 10 St. Giles Square, Northampton Tel: 0604-22677 This is your FREE Walkabout Guide and Map to places of interest in and around Northampton. Published & produced by: WALKABOUT GUIDES P.O. Box 217, Cheltenham, Glos. GL53 7PT. Enquiries: Tel: 0242 260790]
[Taped insert: CANNON CINEMAS The No.1 NORTHAMPTON ABINGTON SQUARE, NORTHAMPTON NN1 4AE 24 HOUR PROGRAMME INFO – 0604 35839 Come and See MOVIES as they should be seen on OUR BIG BIG SCREENS]
[Taped insert: Carlsberg Probably the best lager in the world.]
[Taped insert: DANES CAMP LEISURE CENTRE facilities include: Leisure Pool with water features including a flume 30 metre x 17 metre Sports Hall Gymnasium Sauna Sunbeds Crèche Fitness Classes Bar, Café and Function Rooms For further details contact reception on Northampton 763536 Danes Camp Leisure Centre – “The Action Centre” Clannel Road, Hunsbury, Northampton]
[Taped insert: LAMPORT HALL Home of the Isham family since 1560, a fine 17th & 18th century house with outstanding portraits, library and furnishings set in tranquil gardens and a spacious park. Remarkable rock garden – home of the first garden gnome! Free parking; picnic area; agricultural museum. Home made teas in the Victorian Dining Room. Open Easter to end Sept. Sundays & Bank Hols. 2.15-5.15pm. also Thursdays 2.15-5.15pm in July & August. Groups any day by arrangement. Events most weekends: Craft, Antiques, Doll Fairs, Motor Show … phone for details or ask in the Tourist Information Centre LAMPORT HALL TRUST Tel: Maidwell (060 128) 272]
↑ From Carys Birthday .
[Taped insert: NEW Your way. BURGER KING You got it.]
↑ Carys birthday
[top margin, written vertically: ↑ Training today Carol.]
[top margin, written vertically: Paul’s → Calling Carol.]
[Taped insert: LINK Organisation plc Link Training Tutor – Kate Brown Link Training 4 Giles Street Northampton NN1 1JA Tel: 0604 231520 10.00 26/10/93 Training room I Pat Walker]
[Taped insert: Paul’s Music Machine ELECTRIC GUITARS EFFECTS PEDALS MUSIC EQUIPMENT BOUGHT, SOLD & PART EXCHANGED (0604) 36275]
[Taped insert: Paul’s Music Machine ELECTRIC GUITARS EFFECTS PEDALS MUSIC EQUIPMENT BOUGHT, SOLD & PART EXCHANGED (0604) 36275]
[Printed insert: Burger King advertisement]
YOU WANT YOUR BURGER…
Your way.
…You got it!
Now at Burger King, you can tailor any burger to suit your own taste. So, if you enjoy the great taste of a flame-grilled Whopper, topped with crispy lettuce, juicy tomato and onion, but you aren’t so keen on the pickle…or you just love mayo.
– No problem.
Now we’ll adjust the quantity of the ingredients to your liking, so that you can have your favourite burger your way!
Some items may cost extra
You got it.
Tell us what you think…
Careline 0800-181-167 freephone EXCEPT IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND
Date: Monday 26th October 1992 T- 2-11pm.
Mood 2.1 L- Loungue.
THINGS CONTAINING WATER.
Clouds.
Someone’s mouth.
Ink.
Rain.
Puddles.
Toilet.
Kettle.
Dog.
Champagne.
Bag of coloured water/ glasses.
Watercolour paints.
Lake.
Plant.
Mop + Bucket.
Tear.
Later- 4:10 am. Not too long until I’m at the course. I wonder what will happen? Will it be connected with my goals. I suppose you’ll have to wait until I get home and write up about it. I haven’t stressed for a while and I’m not paticually looking forward to it. Well I am in a way I suppose. It’s strange, good I suppose, to think it’s only a year ago I started college and was so frightened I had to take valium, I’ve hardly even thought about this. It’s O.K. I’ll have to wait and see what the people are like. Not too bad I expect. We’ll see. I doubt if I’ll get a chance for a photo but I’ll see. I’ll look for a bag, but make a list too. I must ring Mum + Paul.
I thought that bottle of champagne had been stolen, but I’ve just this minute found it behind the stereo. I thought, after all that wait I’d never get to taste it, but now I will. I must ring up this week, I’ll have to check my astrology. Yes. I will do it. I’ve alot to do this week but I will. I’ll make a list after I’ve visualised, of what I need to do, and buy ofcourse. Yes, it will be O.K. I’ve been up since this-afternoon so I bet I’ll be shattered. I’ll see how it goes. I expect something O.K. from the course. I’ll have to see what happens. I should really do the ritual for the course now, but I have no film for my SLR. The way that course worked out was just a little bit too perfect and with such sour, it can only be sweet. Even if a goal doesn’t immeadiately materialise, it MUST at least be in connection to one, yes. It must be. I’ll do the bank accounts today. I will write what happened, probably early tommorow morning. I’ll do the list next.
Date: Tuesday 27th October 1992 T- 6:17 am.
Mood 2.1 L- In loungue.
List next? Ha!
Walk in- Went to E.T. found out about bonds. Closed bank accounts.
I’m back. First of all there was nothing spectacular that happened yesterday. I eventually got out the house on time. I went downtown and to the toilets by the Irish centre. I went to Link but as I got there the woman who interveiwed me was there so let me in. I sat as people arrived. The tutor called Kate Brown came. She told us all about the course and what it is. There’s something different to do every day apparently. Then a man came in to talk about safety. We all had to walk round the whole building looking for safety hazards. I only wrote down two things. When we got back I noticed everybody put their notes face down because they’d all written nothing. Ha! Anyway. That was basically the day. Today we start with Filing. All the different types of it ect. Next I went to Lloyds. A man shook my hand and took me to an interveiw room. He went on about bonds, all completely over my head, talk about embarrasing. Shit! I went to close my account and that was O.K. Then I went to Barclaycard. I had cake in the friary and left. I came home + went to bed. I’ve got some leaflets to read, then I’ll know. I can send off for barclays too. My actual money was £4500 just over so I did O.K. I’m not looking forward to today. I have to ring paul, + the doctor. Oh shit. Oh yeah, I singed off for 8 weeks so that’s not too bad.
Date: Wednesday 28th October 1992
T- 5:01 pm Mood 3.2 L- Loungue.
[circled: 7+8] on paper which Ann threw away.
Walk in- Thought + talked about Accounts. Arranged advice.
[top margin: circled 10]
I was buying a new camera. I was next rooming with Geoff about who did the washing up. Somebody came in and told me I was the queen so there should be no alcohol in the house.
Interpretation – This just refers back to the time & adventures I had when Ann was last away.
I’m just back from B.H.S. I went to E.T. Oh God, talk about awful.
Date: Thursday 29th October 1992 T-5:57pm
Mood 3.5 L- Loungue.
I had a fairly mundane dream, but have forgotten it now, unfortunately. I didn’t write it down. When Ann woke up I was just about to go to bed and Ann wanted me to get bread so she could have toast, which I now see she ain’t even touched. Git.
I’ve got round to the ritual. That’s 5 on now just two to go. That’s the 24th of Nov & Dec. Well well. That still feels good. Yes. God knows what I’ll do when it’s finished. Forget it hopefully. The best way to do that is start on the next piece of magick. Yes. That’s a good idea. I’ll need to decide what I want to do after these goals and have the magick running for a year so 93 I achieve the current ones, or sooner, and the 93 magick is for 94 or sooner, though I don’t know what it will be. I dunno, I’ll think about it today, and I MUST start buying stuff today. Yes, I must. I’m still doing something everyday for it though. Well. I don’t know what’s going to happen about it. I don’t know what next year’s magick will be. I’ll have to practice it assuming I have aquired my goals. Perhaps if I buy some craft catalogues / magazines today I’ll get a few ideas. I’m seriously thinking about getting the necklace, TODAY. I could go down early. It opens at 9am. I should think. That would be good. My giro came early so I have £90.
– £30 necklace = £60 – £30 = Neg strips & Photoclub.
= £30. Yes. I think that works out O.K.
Date: Saturday 31st October 1992
Haloween T- 3:05am L- Loungue
Mood 0.9.
Today was a terrible day. Urgh.
This was really really a really BAD Day. Arrrrrrrgh. yuck! Yep,… terrible.
Firstly, as usual. I went to bed in the early evening, I’m talking about yesterday by the way. but even though I’d been up 20 hours I slept for less than one. I got up then fell asleep at 3am. Next thing I know Pat is ringing. From E.T. She asked if I was ill and I said just asleep. She said I was supposed to be there every day. They said that Monday, that I was never ring if we couldn’t make it, I bet they’ll have a go on monday.
Next I went downstairs and there was a letter from Thomsons: a REJECTION LETTER. So that’s that finished.
Then I went downtown and walked about for ages, then went to the doctors. I went in and he forgot he’d asked me to go back. He asked if Halcion L.A. helped and I said no. He asked me what I wanted and I said a cure. He asked me Diazapam and I said no so I asked for a bloodtest. He arranged one for all things including cancer! He said he’d bet money it would be clear though. When I left I thought the door handle was push type, like a fire door. I had to ask him how to open it and it turned out you just pulled it down like any door. I left him there laughing. Anyway I have to go for that test on Monday. It’s gonna be ‘orrible this week. I don’t really know what to say about this. I dunno. The dream is over. I was positive I was in with Thomsons. Now I ain’t. So? So now what? This really is awful to be honest. I don’t know what to do or feel. Should I give up or try again? I really don’t know what to do. I am completely stuck. How much more of this do I have to stand. Earlier I was in a give it all in and throw in the towel mood, but now I’m feeling more, well, try againy. I could send something before Christmas and I would know before I got back, no, I mean before I left. That way I could have a book commission to take away with me, if I make it. I’d basically have another six months. I don’t see what else can go wrong. If I didn’t make it with that one I never would. At least that way I could just go away and end it nicely. Yes, that’s good. Oh I dunno, this is all so hard, how can I do anything. I’ll have to get something sorted over this weekend and get it done then. I don’t know what though.
Date: Monday 2nd November 1992 T- 3:56am
Mood 1.0 L- Loungue.
I’ll have to go and get ready soon.
[Symbol: Eye] The other day when I was falling asleep I could hear a ?cow talking about her electricity bill in my head!
It’s been a little while since I wrote up in here so here we go. I wish I had of done something for haloween but I didn’t prepare unfortunately.
I looked at the craft magazines but they weren’t great. What I’ll do is get Exchange and Mart and send off for some catalogues concerning the next ritual. Yes, that’s the best idea. I’ll get the photo done later, maybe. I MUST ring up college today, except I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to go
up in a lunchtime to collect it. We’ll have to see.
I should really make a booking this week for my christmas break. I have to get the next ritual ready. I dunno what it will be though, I’ll have to have a look through the catalogues when they come.
I really must start work on all that needs to be done. Today I shall definately buy a bag and ring college. Yes, that’s good. I dunno what else. I could well do the photo tommorow. I’ve got to go up to Mum’s wed. so I’ll see if I can manage it then, if not perhaps I could book some-thing Thurs. I’ll see what happens.
I went out for Sethes today, yesterday I mean, for Ann which she again never touched. While I was out she did the room. God, I dunno if I can stand this until she leaves. I honestly don’t know. The thing is if I can get the N.U.S. card I could buy the ticket as soon as I get home. Yes, that would be good. Then I would have something I could look at and know that was really my way out. I’d have to arrange the course first but I’d do that for Christmas. Yes, and perhaps
I arrange it for March. That way there would be just 2×3 month periods while I wait for me to go. Yes! and I could even work / live away after Christmas so I would be free. It all looks so good on paper! I’m going up to get dressed.
Date. Tuesday 3rd November 1992 T- 11:13pm
Mood 0.8 L-Loungue.
[Circled: 11]
I ate a raspberry bun.
Interpretation. It was linked to my photography course so it indicates that I like that.
God, it feels like ages since I wrote in this. It’s only a day! Well, anyway. We’ve got tommorow off the E.T. so I’ll be able to get the photos done. Yes. Yesterday I went to Kentucky and got my lunch. There’s a new manager. They’re opening a new one in abington Street. I’ve just put a film in my damn new camera and it’s wound it back into the cassette, it really isn’t very good. I’ll have to ask boots to retrieve it. Bugger. I’ve looked through
my magazines and Dixons have a 28mm M42 for £14.99! on display! I’ll have to ring to see if I can buy one. An adaptor is 8.99 Wow, £14, for a wide angled 4.49 lense, that really is amazing 13.98 because I was going to wait and pay £70 at Christmas. I’ll see if I can wangle any money tommorow.
I feel absolutely awful at the moment. Urgh! I woke up today, was downstairs and she did the room straight away. I made it out and in class my shoes fell apart. I didn’t have the guts to buy another pair. Next I came home and she was still in. I’ve been up all night, but haven’t got anything done.
Yesterday I went for my bloodtest. I spent 1/2 an hour walking round hospital corridors. Finally I get there and did it. I got a photo of the hospital grounds. That night in photography I had to set up a projector screen and everybody laughed while I made a hash of it! It wasn’t too bad though.
When I came back today I felt really bad. (I can hear our little beaty coming. Yep He’s coming through the door now. He’s gone). He said when we were buggered
his friend saw us in the Alley when I was taking those b/w photos. He said to him I saw you with someone from Broadmoor! Ha! Well, anyway. I must look like someone from prison then. (Later) That’ll be worrying when I come through customs.
I feel really despondant writing this but there’s no other way to put it. I really hate being here like this, and doing this but could I really all end it all now like this? I think not, awful as it is. I could even be out after Christmas. Wow. I feel really awful but I could go away somewhere, Christmas, and then buy a ticket as soon as I get home. Still, it’s well, WELL over six months, but I suppose there would be alot of organising, I could do that while I wait. The thing is if I hang on I would be able to say I DID it. I lived abroad. Imagine how that would be to someone like Yasmine, who just keeps talking about it. Will she ever really go? I doubt it. I may not be able to survive. I may just arrive there and die, but at least I’d been their and tried.
How many people have done that? Mind you, I could even make it. It’s only my age that bothers me when I get there and I’m still young even then. I could buy the ticket for the day after my Exam, the last one that is. So I would leave on the dot. I would have my box sorted out and the new magick. Yes. That sounds O.K. If I actually had the ticket in my hand it wouldn’t be so bad. I could look at it and know it was my escape and there was no turning back. That was out. I would also be able to show it to folk now to show them I’m leaving. AND it wouldn’t matter from a magickal point of veiw because I’d already paid there would be no way out. I could show the ticket at my E.T. place to show why I can’t stay and leave early. I’d still be here to get all the photos I want. It sounds so good in practi on paper, but it’s so hard being here and waiting! Concerning my looks. Wust case scenario is completely shaving myself if necessary. I can arse myself about the time I leave.
[Star symbol] One thing I was going to to say many yesterday I wrote down all the things I have to do and stuck them on gold card. I ruined it by putting tacky-back on and ruining it. Damn! Still, I’ve got 2 silver sheets and one gold left. Wow! I could stick them in my magick album. I could use all 3, with tasks that need to be done up until me going away. I’ll number them 1, 2 + 3.
Next I’ll put them in my album and be able to tick off each one as I do it. I don’t know if it will help but it’s something I have to try. Yes, that’s good. I’ll have to see if I can stick it.
I go to Mars tommorow. Thursday she’s at the hair dressers and Friday she goes away again. I suppose I can stick it until then, he said! It’s 1:54 am. now, I dunno if I’ll ever be up in time to get all my stuff done. I’ll have to get to bed and try, it’s the only chance I’ll get then to go in person. I’ll have to see if I can get up. I can still have around 4 hours and I should just make it, I’ll have to see.
Right, Oh awell like, I’m going to bed. I wanted to talk about the folk in my group but I don’t have time, I’ll do it another day.
Date: Thursday 5th November 1992
T- 4:58 pm. M- 2.1 L- Loungue.
GUY FAWKES NIGHT – BONFIRE.
(PAUL MARRIOTTS BIRTHDAY).
(121) [right margin: -> = can’t read.]
I was an MP. from _________? In a hotel they made a gold plaque with writing on for me. It had all my achievements as an MP written on. I then went up and down in a lift. A documentary team were there. Mum + Geoff had to move their car. Then there’s something about it being small in his hand, but I can’t read it.
Then I was in bed and some children had another gold plaque with my plans on who I met. I knew even if I didn’t achieve them it would show that I tried.
Geoff asked me why I had to urinate while I was asleep.
I saw (add) Joing the Marvels. film 1000 f4 could be shaped small best? …. (can’t read it).
Something about something costing £90 so they didn’t do it.
INTERPRETATION – (12)
[Star symbol] before I slept I asked for advice about my life. I wrote it all on a really small pad so I can’t read it properly.
The gold plaque is about my goals on gold card. The up and down is me. That’s all I can squeeze from the illegible script.
Ann’s back, that’s it then.
Friday – 12:23 pm – Later.
Here I am. Yes Telly’s always good on a Thursday.
Yesterday, well 2 days ago, Hedley Probert gave my History essay back, but wasn’t very pleased with it.
When I was downtown I saw that Kentucky was moving, well I saw that a few days ago. Today I saw that it has actually moved. Today the old one was closed. It feels strange to know that that’s the last time I’ll ever eat there. It’s good I went there recently. I remember I saw Johnathen there last time but forgot to say. I remember all the times I went there, including with Jason, David, Simon and me + on the 21st. Hah! Now I’ll never go back again and the last time I was there I didn’t realise I was saying goodbye. A bit like with Jason, the last time I spoke to him and the last time I saw him, I never realised it would be forever. Still, lifes a circle. Maybe? I’ll look back on this one day and know.
I should really have washed my hair today, but haven’t had a chance to use the bathroom ofcourse.
I rung up for the adaptor today, it was £11.49 all in so I got it. When I rung up for the lense it had gone! So now I’ll have an adaptor but no lense, still, that means I can now buy M42 lenses. I don’t know if I’ll have enough money, but I’ll ring up for the camera, maybe later today after E.T. We’ll see. The adaptor will be sent this afternoon, so should be here Saturday. I don’t know. I’ll get the camera from the same place.
I feel good that Ann’s going, but will have to have a word with Geoff about the work. Well, I’ll tell Ann too.
I MUST get some work done while she’s gone. I’ll get everything organised. That’s good. I don’t know what else. We’ll see. I will write a plan of Action though. YO!
I don’t know what else. I’ll have to wait and see. If only I had my ticket to ride now, if I go away I could get it as soon as Christmas is over. I really ought to start thinking about where I’m going to go.
Date: Tuesday 10th November 1992 T-5:56 pm
M – 0.6 L – Loungue
Here I am. I am here. Ann got off. I got the money for the shoes ect. That’s O.K. Yep. + £7 for my history book. Also I have now £130 and too a rent check I’d forgot about. I see Mum today. Tommorow my Giro for £80/90 pounds will come. Hurrah!
I rang up about the camera yesterday. A place had 1 left for £115 including databack, after that “they’ll go up considerably”. He said he’d put it in the post this morning so I could even have it tommorow. That M42 adaptor hasn’t come yet. Oh dear.
They probably send it second post, second class I mean, so I can expect it any time now. I’ll have to get my history work done today ‘cos I go tommorow. Yesterday I was 1/2 an hour late for my ET, but so was Robb so it wasn’t too bad and nobody said anything, at least I’ll be on time today. I went to photography and we did printing. Putting my keys, necklace and money on the table
[Taped insert: Printed form from Northampton Jobcentre]
Northampton Jobcentre
Tel: Northampton 239932
This is to introduce:
Mr [blanked out]
who has an appointment to see:
Par
at: Link Training
4, St. Giles Street
Northampton
on: 21.10.92 at: 4.30p
If you are unable to attend, please telephone
231520 as soon as possible.
Issued by: ?B Wall
EMPLOYMENT SERVICE
[Physical insert: Pink START/LEAVER NOTIFICATION FORM]
Employment Training
START/LEAVER NOTIFICATION FORM
Section 1 – Identification Details
Name (in BLOCK LETTERS) [blanked out]
Address [blanked out]
Date of birth [blanked out]
Last type of benefit or allowance claimed INCOME SUPPORT
Employment Service Local Office ASHBY HOUSE NORTHANTS
Section 2 – START details
The above-named started training on: 26 10 92
and is expected to complete training on: 26 02 93
and signed ET9 agreement on: 26 10 92
tick if leaflet ET40/ETL1B issued [box]
Signature J Morley Date 26/10/92
Provider name LINK
Tel No [blank]
Section 4 – Authentication Stamps
Provider’s Stamp
LINK Training
4 St Giles Street
Northampton
NN1 1JA
Tel: 0604 231520
Employment Service Stamp
[blank]
Agreement between ET Trainee and Employment Service
Part A
I joined Employment Training (ET) on 26 October 92 and wish to receive any ET payments due to me under the rules in force during my ET training. I understand that this will be paid to me by the Employment Service, but will not be paid unless I sign this form.
I understand that I must inform the Employment Service immediately if:
a I leave ET or my participation ends for any reason; or
b there is any change in my circumstances (eg income, address, family responsibilities, employment or education situation and so on) or those of my dependants.
I also agree to repay to the Employment Service any ET allowance paid to me but to which I am not entitled for any reason.
Signature [blanked out] Date 26/10/92
NI number [blanked out]
Part B
The Employment Service agrees to pay any ET allowances to which the named trainee is entitled, under the rules in force during the period of training, as promptly and accurately as possible providing the trainee has signed the undertaking given above.
LOCAL OFFICE MANAGER
EMPLOYMENT SERVICE
TRAINING PROVIDER SHOULD GIVE THIS PAGE TO THE TRAINEE TO KEEP
ET 9 (Page 1a)
[Physical insert: Printed leaflet page]
Responsibilities Of Trainees
On Employment Training
UBO Address
EMPLOYMENT SERVICE JOB CENTRE
ASHBY HOUSE,
33-37 SHEEP STREET,
NORTHAMPTON NN1 2NG.
TELEPHONE: 239932
Tel No Ext 279. [Ext 279 is handwritten]
This leaflet tells you about your responsibilities while you are on Employment Training (ET). In particular, it tells you how to tell us about any changes in your circumstances. Please read it carefully.
Why you need to tell us
While on ET you will receive a training allowance from this office. The amount of your allowance could be affected by any change in your personal circumstances, so you must let us know _straightaway_ if a change occurs. Call in or send a letter to this office, giving:
– your full name and address
– details of the change in your circumstances
– the date the change took place
What you need to tell us
Please write “ET trainee” at the top of the letter. A few examples of the kind of changes which you should tell us about are:
– a change in your address
– marriage
– divorce/separation
– you or your partner begin part-time work
– you or your partner give up part-time work
If you are not sure whether you should tell us something, tell us anyway, just in case.
If you are not sure whether to cash a girocheque because of a change in your circumstances please telephone this office for advice. When you ring make it clear that you are an ET trainee.
Leaving ET?
You must remember that when your training finishes you will no longer be entitled to a training allowance. So when you leave ET, or if your training is interrupted for any reason, you should tell us immediately. If you wish to claim benefit, you will need to come in and make a new claim; any delay might mean you will lose money.
ETL1 ?Bernie McCabe. [Signature is handwritten]
Printed in the U.K. for H.M.S.O. 10/89 Dd 8182081 C5000 38606 G2645
[Physical insert: Printed schedule ET BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION LEVEL 2]
ET BUSINESS ADMINISTRATION LEVEL 2
FROM 9.30 A.M TO 1.00 P.M
MON 26TH OCT INDUCTION ROOM1
TUE 27TH OCT UNIT 1 (FILING) ROOM2
WED 28TH OCT UNIT 3 (LETTER LAYOUT) ROOM2
THU 29TH OCT UNIT 3 (PROOF READING) ROOM2
FRI 30TH OCT WORD PROCESSING ROOM1
MON 2ND NOV WORD PROCESSING ROOM1
TUE 3RD NOV UNIT 2 (TELEPHONE TECHNIQUES) ROOM2
WED 4TH NOV UNIT 15 (RECEPTION) ROOM2
THU 5TH NOV UNIT 8 & 10 (LIAISING/CREATING) ROOM2
FRI 6TH NOV WORD PROCESSING ROOM1
MON 9TH NOV WORD PROCESSING ROOM1
TUE 10TH NOV WORD PROCESSING ROOM1
WED 11TH NOV UNIT 5 (STOCK) ROOM2
THU 12TH NOV UNIT 5 (STOCK) ROOM2
FRI 13TH NOV WORD PROCESSING UNIT 3 PRACTICAL ROOM1
MON 16TH NOV UNIT 3 (PRACTICAL) ROOM1
TUE 17TH NOV UNIT 2 & 12 (GRAPHS) ROOM2
WED 18TH NOV UNIT 11 (TOWN TRAIL) [inserted above: x2hrs] ROOM2
THU 19TH NOV UNIT 11 (PRESENTING TOWN TRAIL) ROOM2
FRI 20TH NOV DATA BASE ROOM1
[Physical insert: Printed schedule continued]
MON 23RD NOV DATA BASE ROOM1
TUE 24TH NOV UNIT 4 (PETTY CASH) ROOM2
WED 25TH NOV UNIT 4 (INVOICES) ROOM2
THU 26TH NOV UNIT 20 (PROCESSING PAYMENTS) ROOM2
FRI 27TH NOV DATA BASE ROOM1
MON 30TH NOV DATA BASE ROOM1
TUE 1ST DEC UNIT 6 (MAIL HANDLING) ROOM2
WED 2ND DEC UNIT 7 (REPROGRAPHICS) ROOM2
THU 3RD DEC UNIT 19 (ARRANGING TRAVEL/MEETINGS) ROOM2
FRI 4TH DEC UNIT 19 (TYPE LETTER/AGENDA) ROOM2
MON 7TH DEC SPREADSHEETS ROOM1
TUE 8TH DEC SPREADSHEETS ROOM1
WED 9TH DEC UNIT 14 (TELECOMMUNICATIONS) ROOM2
THU 10TH DEC UNIT 9 (HEALTH & SAFETY) ROOM2
FRI 11TH DEC WORD PROCESSING PRACTICAL (FINISH) ROOM1
MON 14TH DEC SPREADSHEETS ROOM1
TUE 15TH DEC SPREADSHEETS ROOM1
WED 16TH DEC WORK SEARCH ROOM2
THU 17TH DEC FINISH OFF ROOM2
FRI 18TH DEC (FINISH) PARTY PARTY ROOM1
[Taped insert: Typewritten letter from a medical practice]
DR. L. B. LYON
DR. A. H. G. BANTOCK
DR. D. G. F. JEFFREYS
DR. J. A. G. D. RAPHAEL [red underline under RAPHAEL]
DR. H. G. V. ANDERSON
54 SHEEP STREET
NORTHAMPTON
NN1 2LZ
APPOINTMENTS / VISITS 319660
PRESCRIPTIONS / ENQUIRIES 31206
_CHANGE OF ADDRESS_
The surgery in Sheep Street is moving to new purpose built premises. With effect from
19 OCT 1992
……………………………………………………….
our new address will be:-
[Handwritten in red ink:] 5.20pm. 30 oct. fri.
THE MOUNTS MEDICAL CENTRE
CAMPBELL STREET
NORTHAMPTON
NN1 3DS
_PLEASE NOTE_ – Our telephone numbers will _not change._
[Taped insert: Appointment card]
NAME
[checkboxes] 1 WEEK, 2 WEEKS, [checked] 1 MONTH, 2 MONTHS, 3 MONTHS, 6 MONTHS
YOUR NEXT APPOINTMENT IS
[faint handwriting] Dr. Raphael
WITH DOCTOR
[faint handwriting] 10.30 mon 7 Dec
[Taped insert: Typewritten letter from Northampton College]
Northampton College
-FOCUSING ON-
-EXCELLENCE-
Northampton College, Booth Lane, Northampton NN3 3RF Tel: (0604) 403322/401100 Fax: (0604) 784623
Please ask for:
Andrew Cogan
RH/AC/SH/EHISTEV
15 September 1992
Dear Mr
Thank you for enrolling on the A Level History class on Wednesday evenings. Unfortunately the lecturer, Joan Noel, died during the summer. Mr Hedley Probert is prepared to take the class and would teach the Social and Economic History A Level syllabus. This course would focus on British social and economic history from 1750 onwards. If you are happy to follow this syllabus instead would you please attend college on Wednesday 23 September at 7.00pm.
If you do not want to attend this class, please complete the attached refund form and return it with your receipt to the college and it will be dealt with as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely
[Signature: R W H Hawkesford]
R W H Hawkesford
Head of Department
Continuing Education
Principal: Ronald Barden BSc(Econ) FRSA
Date: Sunday 15th November 1992 T- 3:42pm M- 3.1 L- In Loungue.
(13)
I was getting ready to go out and Jason Pike called round for me. When I came downstairs there were people looking round the house to buy it. Mum was there. The woman that was looking knocked a glass of wine on the carpet. Ann said not to bother because we usually leave it. They left and I was in the loungue. I walked round singing Sgt. Peppers lonely heart club band album. As I walked round I saw a pair of trousers on the beuro, when I looked again it was Geoff asleep. I told someone and we laughed. I went upstairs and we all got ready and left. We all went where we were moving to. It was a church. We had been there to look at it before but it had been midday, now it was sunset. All the gravestones were covered in moss and with the side lighting looked lonely. I decided to take a photo but the light started fading and it was too dark.
Geoff was mad because I was carrying a briefcase that had belonged to a friend of his who was now dead.
I was next at work downtown. I walked home past the cinema and as I did I saw a criminal emerging from some court buildings. He agreed to pose for some photographs. To avoid the crowds I got up on a building so I could observe him properly. I had to climb over a very dangerous gap but wasn’t too frightened while I did. I took some as he posed reluctantly. After that everybody left but an old man stayed and did some silly poses so I took some of him, he was infront of a railway station. Just infront of me there was a really big, ornate painting. I took some photos of that. As I turned to leave I saw 2 men. I asked them if they were farmers here in town to talk about EEC farm subsidies.
(14)
Mr. Duda from my E.T. was his
a criminal.
(15)
I spent £10 in the cinema on drink and crisps.
(16)
I went to a shop in Parklands. I saw a paper with the group “Men at Work” from 1984 but below that they were all today S. Alf was there. I came back along past Kingsley front to a ficticious recordshop that I thought had been built realised it had only moved. When I got home I had a little rubbish in my hand that I didn’t know what to do with. I heard a voice speak from a book I had read it told me to bury rubbish when you’re travelling so as to avoid upsetting your host. So I buried it in the garden. I went by the side of the house and pointed my camera at the dog. When I looked through the view finder both his eyes were different colours.
I looked and Ann was doing the ironing, I was down by the floor. I knew I would have to use fill in flash to lighten her shadows. Because she uses ironing using steam I could use it for my city and guilds in photography.
INTERPRETATIONS –
[Symbol: circled 13]
Getting ready to go out shows I wish to leave here. Jason coming shows it’s been that way for years, since I knew him. Somebody looking to buy the house shows the same thing. The wine I dunno, perhaps we ignore our problems it means. Walking round playing Sgt. peppers, singing! is Hyde Park when I was 17. That shows the karma of why I’m here. Geoff being asleep shows that literally he is asleep and of no use what-so-ever. Mourning means that literally. A church shows I’ve used Magick to achieve that. Returning at sunset means I’ve left it a long time, twilight, overarching, is maybe too long? Gravestones are probably past goals. The moss is long forgotten. The briefcase is a case Geoff had that Ann gave me without telling him. Working downtown must be E.T. I’m not sure of the criminal. Perhaps?… I dunno. I think it probably shows I’m doing the wrong thing at the moment, and photographing it to look back on when I get it right. The dangerous part is my constant suicidal feelings. Posing means I do get the photos. The old man infront of the railway station is me, wishing to leave, still a long time after I originally intended to already be there. The painting is trying to head towards the ideal. That EEL thing is weird. Ann’s arm Belguim, and she is so dominating me is a little like the Frances over subsidisation of millions of farmers. It probably means that.
[Symbol: circled 14]
Probably being silly, ‘cos he’s so quiet?
[Top margin: SEE NOTE.]
[Symbol: circled 15]
A fragment not long enough to interpret.
[Symbol: circled 16] Call the other dreams were earlier, this one is today’s.
Note: These dreams were incubated with the question of what I should now do.
The shop in Parklands shows my upbringing so far. 1984 ect. The record shop, well that was near Ann’s shop, so it could mean I lived there. Records could be because for a long time my life consisted of records. Going home & burying rubbish means I think it’s rubbish living here and want to leave. The voice from all the books I’m reading Host Family is living abroad. The dog with different coloured eyes I don’t know. Maybe?… No, I really don’t know. Ann ironing means her life consists only of housework. Taking a photo just shows Probably just referring straight to my E.T.
6.02 pm. Well, I’ve finished those at last. A absolute hell of alot has happened (inside) since I wrote this. I’ve just heard Geoff coughing, I’ll have to go.
12.43am. Next day. God, this is the third time I’ve tried to sit down and get this all written. I don’t know how to explain it. Actually I can’t even decide, I mean I can’t remember when I decided. I was in desperation, which is, as you know, my usual state. I wrote all my problems up on the board, that write/wipe memo board drawing pictures and I’ve been dwelling on what I should do while I’m waiting. I was reminded with the earlier dreams. I remember now. I’ve completely cleared out my bedroom and put my papers in order. The first job was to stick all the papers I’d lying about in my diary. It made me think back to all my old plans, the gravestones from the dream! I saw those photos of myself I took when I was applying as an overseas voulenteer. Oh God, I felt awful. I remember when I lived at Mum’s house, I had one of those books, Summer jobs abroad I think it was 1989. It may even have been 88! I could look back in regret if I don’t do something now.
I’ve been here with Ann for years now and I’ve always wanted to leave, to have my own place. I used magick and saw myself leaving. I remember one of the places I saw myself was photographing the Orient. Last year I didn’t get as many qualifications as I’d hoped for and when my exams were over I sort of expected something to happen… and it didn’t. So back I went expecting to have a book accepted by then… which wasn’t. Now I am here for another year.
This is going against the magick. As good as some things are. It’s got worse. I think I was really supposed to have left by now. My sub-conscious is restless. The photography and A-levels, wasn’t meant to be! No. The NVQ is quicker, if I haven’t messed it up by another absence, and I’ll still have a starting photography. YES.
_I AM MEANT TO GO NOW._
been hesitating for so long. If I don’t go now I’ll never forgive myself. Oh no! I really do have to go. I’m looking back to my old dream and I’ll go for it. In my book there’s a place where you can get a teaching qualification, I’ll do that. Yes, I will. I’ll book a holiday and a ticket. What am I chucking away? 1 A-level. I could write another book but it probably won’t come true. If it wasn’t accepted I would have got no-where. Damn yes. Yes. Yes. Wow! Yes. The Sociology A-level would only be scumped over. I’d get no results until I came back anyway. If I come back sad who needs 3 A levels? Not me. I wouldn’t finish photography until september. I could be dead by then. Ha! If I come back happy I could easily do 2 A-levels. No prob. The same, in the evening, but subjects I like. I could use my £3000 bond on it to buy a computer. I could use my NVQ up for a job! Wow. I could write a book and either come back to write it or have the replies sent out. Yes! When I come back, if I’d be
well entitled to a flat. Anyway All I have to do to convince me is think of Jason or Yasmine I don’t want to be them. No matter what happens I want to have done it. What could I achieve here? Nothing. I’ll do it. I’ll get my dinner and write all I wish to do on paper and i’ll get it done. Oh I’m so excited. I’ll write later.
Date: Tuesday 17th November 1992
T-3:42 am Mood 2.1 L-Lounge.
Yesterday. (17)
I saw a boy called Woody from school. When I called him Woody he laughed and said it was only because at school people had called him that because everybody had plastic rulers and his was wood so it wasn’t his real name.
Today (18)
I was watching a documentary being made. The presenter showed how a young boy had a pet
goat that died and had buried it but the council had dug it up because he had buried it near where wild animals were and they might eat it. I saw the giraffes as they dug it up. Next she was in some fields to show where it could be buried if the council allowed. One place would be perfect because radiation from the chernoble accident had fell on it so it was no good for any-thing else. Just beyond this scene was a lake. It was a beautiful lake shrouded in blue mist that had a piece of land jutting right out into it, and two ?lakes. islands. I met Michael Fellman there to get married, we had been waiting for it for ages. I thought about swimming around the island to show how much I loved him but he didn’t seem keen so I didn’t. We got married and walked out and were in Billing. He spoke to a friend in passing so we had a bit of a row, but I knew he still loved me. I walked on by, past a church. As I looked at the outside wall I knew I needed him because it was
fate: In my past lives I’d always been religious, a priest and a Buddah. It was meant to be like that.
INTERPRETATION. (17)
Snippet.
(18)
?. The goat could possibly be my old ways. Personally I think it has occult connotation because of the Devil. It must be the skull. Burying it is completing the magick. Wild animals is the tough time I’m having of it now. The giraffe is me looking for results. Getting married is advancement. The row is too. Church? Dunno. Probably literal.
[Diagram: A hand-drawn map showing a body of water with wavy lines. At the top are three small tree-like symbols on the far shore. On the right is a small island with three similar tree symbols. At the bottom is a curved piece of land jutting into the water with two small circles on it. Below the drawing is written “MAP OF DREAM.”]
I still am. I forgot to say yesterday the full story. I started making definite plans yesterday, Saturday. I kept seeing people I did, as if to confirm it. Next on the way home I saw Nicky Wright at the bus stop, outside that black church. I saw that girl from college in by the Forum. I am absolutely positive the one with glasses has a younger sister. Yep. Positive. Yesterday I got ready and Mrs. Anderson was cleaning as I was here. She’s a pain. On the way to E.T. I saw Darren by Radio Northampton, with a girl pushing a pram! I got in at 1:20pm. sat in the wrong room for 10 mins and realised it was supposed to start at 1 in the computer room! A girl was about to talk to me but said it didn’t matter, then another woman told me. Coming in, working there and leaving I spoke to no-one. It’s always like that now. I don’t speak to anyone, how terrible. Ugh! Still. Wednesday is town trail, when we all have partners and trapse all over town. arrrgh. Horrible. It’s hard to change now I’ve been like that. I will get all I have to sorted out today.
then I’ll do it and put my new watch on. Yes. That’s good. I’ll finish finding out what I have to do to so I must sort the bank out. I don’t know what else to say. I hate this I’ll get it sorted now. I’ll perhaps write later.
Perhaps not!
Date: Wednesday 18th November 1992.
T 4.52am M- 4.3 L-Loungue.
Here I am. I wrote all the letters to the language schools yesterday, then lost some so I didn’t actually post them until later, though I did get last post. I went to E.T. Yesterday. We did graphs. They only had a few rulers out and messed mine up so I’m going to do it here. No-one spoke. I hate it. I saw Mr. Duclear in the bank later and I talked to him. Today is that damn town trail. There going to put us in mixed groups with some confident and some quiet, so we all get a chance to talk to each other, well, actually you have to present it to the class. I suppose it will be good practice for when I have to do the teaching and that’s the way to think of it. I do it for my future career and happiness I’ll take my camera and I may have the guts to take a picture. Yes. Good.
Concerning travel, it’s now a question of waiting to see what happens with the letters. I do feel a bit bad I can’t just wait 3 months for my exams, but there’s only one really. I will have the N.V.Q. though and also I’ll use magick to get certificates for this year while I’m there. The NVQ + Teaching qualification really replace A-levels. I’ve just _crossed out: done_ sent my History work. Ann’s moved all my papers. It like confirmed I should go.
When I got home yesterday there was a note that my photography tutor rang because there’s a trip to derby Sunday. It said ring after – and not when. I didn’t of course. I’ll try this morning. I can’t remember his name.
I’ll have 4 certificates for when I leave for Asia. I wouldn’t do very well now anyway because of the problems at home here. Yep. I wouldn’t have A-level certificates when I left anyway, they’d be no good to me abroad.
Date: Thursday 19th November 1992.
(19)
I was in a toilet, but the inside was made to look like a prison, so I just washed my hands and left. I came out and was in school. I saw a girl, I think it was clare. I thought she was speaking to me but it was someone just beyond me. I got to some stairs to go up. They were ordinary stairs except there was a little strip in the centre that was moving like an escalator, but it was too thin to actually stand on and use. I got to the top and looked at some occult books. I saw a necklace with a little silver case on it. _crossed out: In_ In this was an animals skull in silver. Next I was with a friend: I think Kevin Richards from school. We were looking round a company. We got to the roof and there were large pipes everywhere. We both remarked on how horrible all the concrete was. I was smoking near the pipes and was worried about an explosion. We saw some men who were in charge and told them we wanted to see the director because there was a conspiracy. They captured us. [inserted above: I wanted to photograph it, but didn’t.]
INTERPRETATION (19) – The toilet and prison means I’m literally in a prison now. Seeing clare means even now my school days still haunt me. The stairs with funny escalator shows how hard it is to make progress. The necklace is the one I still haven’t bought yet, that will have occult connections. The horrible place at top is my mind/situation. The conspiracy could be Ann I suppose. I dunno.
[Taped insert: Printed flyer]
WILLOW LAKE BAR
BILLING AQUADROME
CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENTS
26th December – 2nd January (inclusive)
ADMISSION BY TICKET ONLY! BOOK EARLY TO AVOID DISAPPOINTMENT!
Sat 26th Dec (BOXING DAY)
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 11.30p.m. £2.50
Sun 27th Dec
HOT PROPERTY (GUITAR VOCAL DUO)
+
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 10.30p.m. £5.00
Mon 28th Dec
PAUL ANTONY (VOCAL ENTERTAINER)
+
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 11.00p.m. £5.00
Tues 29th Dec
BAND WAGON (COUNTRY & WESTERN TRIO WITH GIRL)
+
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 11.00p.m. £5.00
Wed 30th Dec
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 11.00p.m. £2.50
Thurs 31st Dec (New Years Eve)
NEW YEARS EVE PARTY
TUKANDO (BOY GIRL MULTI KEYBOARD DUO)
INCLUDES COLD BUFFET AND SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 12.30a.m. £19.95
Fri 1st Jan (New Years Day)
GOING BACK (50’S + 60’S DUO)
+
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 11.30p.m £4.50
Sat 2nd Jan
ART, BART + FARTHING (COCKNEY NIGHT)
+
SERIOUS CONNECTION ROAD SHOW
7.00 – 11.00p.m. £4.50
BOOKINGS NOW BEING TAKEN
REMITTANCE TO :- B. REDDICK
WILLOW LAKE BAR, BILLING AQUADROME, LITTLE BILLING, NORTHAMPTON NN3 4 DA
OR RING:. 0604 404691 or 408181
Later 5:34 am.
I got yesterday over. I got to class and we did the town trail. I was with Val, Eileen, Jenny. We troupsed all over. It was down giles street, Broadmarsh ect. We started to write our notes up. Bev took them. We have until 11:30 today to do them. I visualised myself giving a talk as I fell asleep last night. I’m not looking forward to it but I bet I’ll feel better, once I’ve done it. That’s if I’ll ever have enough notes. Well, whatever happens happens. I’ll write it up later.
I never got to ring photography. I’m embarrassed because I don’t know his name. I’ll go and see Paul after E.T. to find out what’s happening. I can probably just turn up.
I saw a 28mm M42 wide angle 2nd hand in Jessops yesterday. £16. I may buy it later. I’ll see. They’ve a BC1 for £25-00 there. That could be like a 2nd body for me, mind you the thread may be different. I dunno. There was alot more. I wonder if I have time? That lense would be great. If I get it now I’d have it in time for Sunday, if I go.
6:42am.
Yesterday I kept thinking of Chinese New year or the Monkey. I remembered how I felt at Lings. It was really horrible as I felt time slip by. It really wasn’t very good. Ugh. No. At least by this year I should have something sorted out. I wonder if the’ll be one this year. It will be a good photo if there is. I’ll be able to compare this years to last year, the quality of the photograph I mean. Last time they were all red and funny, the florescent cent. That was also when that old compact was underexposing. I’d get them back just before I leave which would be a fitting epitar.
I saw Mum yesterday, Brian came too. I told her I was going to try and get something sorted out, hopefully I will have bought the ticket by then. I’m going to see her the wednesday before E.T. breaks up. We’ll see. I should be able to show her my plans with maybe a ticket, I’ll have to think where I’m going to go.
Ann goes away this week, so I mean a week on Friday. It may be good to get it all sorted then, while she’s away, because I should have all the letters then. I can save them and open them Saturday? I could perhaps do it Sunday actually, go up to tesco. (haven’t been there for months. Yep that sounds good because this week, the’ll all come in odds and sods and I can’t really decide until I have a few. I could get properly sorted out on the Monday, that would include a holiday. Ah. I think this all sounds good.
Date: Friday 20th November 1992 T- 5:10am M-2-1 L- Loungue.
I did the presentation. I made a few key notes and went second. Mine was the shortest out of everybodys. Denese was the tutor so she was much nicer and didn’t make us stand up for everybody. I was in a right mood before I started but it wasn’t actually too bad. Yesterday I got about 5 language replies. I may open them up before Ann goes.
I can’t do it Sunday because I rung up the photography tutor. I still couldn’t remember his name so I asked for Mr. Green. He wasn’t in but I spoke to his wife. They’re leaving on _crossed out: Sat_ Sunday at 7am, that’s from his house in Derby Road. I went to see Paul on the market before I rung but he was busy. I saw a camera for sale that looks like his old one so he is either selling or giving up photography. I dunno. Perhaps it will be good on sunday. I must admit I’m looking forward to it. She said bring food, but we might stop off at a pub somewhere. I might buy a new cable release ect. and do the balloons Saturday, then I can have new films in my camera when I go, depending on the light. That sounds geat. Yes. I’ll do that. I’ll need about fivish probably, mind you, I could get them all developed next week which would be alright, not next photography lesson, but the one after I could take them all in. I’ll take my new photography box when I go.
Oh yer. I bought the lense. It’s a bit awkward to use, but it looks great through the viewfinder.
Date: 22nd [inserted below: circled 20] November 1992 -/Sunday? T- 4:09 am
I was in a cafe and Mum showed me a child’s book she’d written. I named Maria from Oxfam and took her to Billing.
INTERPRETATION- Dunno. Just Snippets.
I’ve had only an hours sleep and now I’m up ready for the trip. Surprise surprise, Ann’s hided my camera so I can’t find it, still. I’ll look properly later. The kids are coming today so I’ll have an hour or so to fill. Well 3 actually. I was going to open the envelopes this morning, but I won’t have time, I’ll perhaps try that new Kentucky today, I can open them there. I’ve had 10 back, just 2 to go!
I bought a camera magagene today & the girl forgot to give me my receipt, I gave her a really nasty look, not like me at all! Then I bought 12 100 Ekta films & they gave me a free teddy bear (told them I didn’t want it. As I left I heard girls behind me say they’d have it.
I’ve mixed feeling s about today, but I’ll probably love it!
↓ from the Town Trail
[Taped insert: Two tourist pamphlets. The left pamphlet is red and white, reading “Bienvenue A Northampton”, “Votre guide de Northampton”, “Publié par la municipalité de Northampton” with a compass graphic. The right pamphlet is cream-colored, with “L I P T O N” written at the top margin, reading “WELCOME TO NORTHAMPTON”, “HISTORIC TOWN TRAIL” with an illustration of a church building.]
Date: _crossed out: Monday_ Tuesday 24th November 1992 :- 3-22am M-1.4 In Loungue.
[Symbol: Circled 20]
Something I can’t read. White Ann was drugged I hit the dog.
[Symbol: Circled 20]
INTERPRETATION: Bad news for Robb.
I am here; and still alive: just. I went to the photography Sunday and it was awful. I went to his house and just the woman + a bloke I don’t know was there. Everyone arrived in dribs + drabs + people I don’t know. Paul came + met Dennise because he was late from Sheffield. We all crammed in this really small mini-bus. We picked up a couple of people on the way. On the M1 I was really desperate to go toilet. I mean more so than I have ever been. I think it’s because the ride was so bumpy. I almost went there and then. I prayed to Thoth to help me. Suddenly we had to stop to check the water so we went to a service station. Dennise was there, he had come late and had been following from Liester. We all got back in + went off. We eventually got there. Out the mini-bus I realised everybody was looking at me strange: dressed in a suit. EVERYBODY WAS WEARING OUTDOOR CLOTHES. I’ve never felt such an idiot. We all walked off, down some muddy, lethal steps, and about a mile up a river to a piddling little waterfall. Alan (tutor) asked me if I was O.K, looking so out of place. I was freezing and rapidly becoming wet, but I said fine, as one does when asked that question, regardless of ones circumstances. I nearly killed myself climbing up a hill and when I came back to the van, no party. I went back to the bridge + they were there. I had really hated it by then. We all walked up + I showed the tutor where I had been. He didn’t know you could get out that way. He agreed the view was much better. We got back + I took a few photos of a disused railway station + bridge and then we went to a café. Where I didn’t have any thing. Vow’s batteries had packed up! My camera was soaking. Next we all went on to Derby. No. Even we were in Derby, we went to a pub. We went in the bar + it was packed so we went to this really posh place where they really didn’t let us in. There was a real fire there so half of us (+ me) warmed up and the other half ate. We got to know each other by the fire + talked. I showed everybody my top veiwer camera + they liked it. Because I had my camera out I got a photo of the fire, It may be a little dark though. Outside the view was quite good so I got a photo of that + some of the party photographing the other photograph. (My 2nd film just went off upstairs). Next we walked opposite it to get some shots. I put my Zoom lense on for some by the main fall. Alan + Sadie told me separately we were walking along by the river the other way. A party of about 5 of us walked back. I got some photos then. I was really bothered to hear Vov is only 17! + still at school. We waited for what seemed ages after seeing a cow (like being at home really). I was caked in mud + feeling a little stupid. It came + we went. We stopped off at the 1st café + stayed in the van, then some blokes came back. They all agreed Claire + “that fat bird” were nice and made lewd comments about her. We eventually got home. Me + Paul walked down and he told me there was no class monday. The “trip” will cost me £4. Ha. I went down to BK. I opened my envelopes there. Some are about £1000 + you need a photo with the application. They’re like university’s. Another may be £300, though I dunno if that’s just for the accomodation. Of course that’s the one I’ve got all wet. I was going to look today but I’m too tired. Next I walked round the block 10 times, and eventually went to the new kentucky. I ordered a complete dinner + make up for it all + sat down. Actually it’s quite
nice in there. I sat completely miserable in there. On the way in I nearly tripped over a Chinese Woman, who never so much as apologised. Bitch. Still.
While I was there I was obviously looking so miserable the girl said it can’t be that bad!
I got home and the door was chained. Then I went to bed. I haven’t been to bed since then.
I went to E.T. Yesterday. I rung up for the teaching book, which is now out of print, + the band, which was the wrong number. I think I’ll have one anyway. It’s the only thing I think that will do me. Yes. I’ll just have to claim the tax back.
Date: Tuesday 24th November 1992 T-11-24pm
M-1-9 L- Loungue.
I went to sleep completely shattered and only had 4 hours, I woke up to go toilet. My bladders so weak nowadays, I wonder if something’s wrong? I couldn’t go doctos after the last performance.
At E.T. Yesterday we did stock control. petty cash, today is invoices. I had a lie down yesterday, and fell asleep. I was only 1/2 an hour later. I bought amature photographer and the balloons, I just need food colouring now. I’ll use my coat as a backdrop. Before Ann goes I’ll ask her if she’ll pay for all my stuff because alot of it is for the course. I’ll have the finished work to show her though when she comes back. It should soften the blow a little.
I’m up now and I can watch brookside while I get these courses sorted out. Then I’ll get ready to go out.
I’ve just read a few catalogues that come + I’ve got quite a few good ideas for christmas.
Did I say I sent off for some magic sets? Well I did anyway. Quite good. Two are about Magick generally + 1 is about astral projection, but one I ain’t seen before which is rare. I dunno what it will be like, but we’ll see.
I can hear Ann coming.
Date: Thursday 26th November 1992
T- 12:38am M-Z-Z L-Loungue.
(21) [Three stars drawn]
I was near Mum’s garage looking at her house, which was beautiful and leavy. She was at a table talking to a man. I looked round to the side of the garage and saw some lovely birds wearing great big, heavy boots. I realised I didn’t have my camera so I wouldn’t be able to take a photo of them. An old woman came out to feed them.
I was out walking somewhere. I went to go down a long, winding ramp when I realised the stairs would be much quicker so I went there instead. (went down there).
I was standing in my bedroom leaning face first against the door, trying to stay awake for E.T. As I grew more and more tired, I became more and more dizzy until I fell out my body and had an O.B.E AND knew I was dreaming. I fell through the floor and went to the loungue floor. I spoke to Ann. At first she couldn’t hear me, then didn’t realise I was projecting. I decided her out. I woke up still shouting in the dream “What’s the matter? What’s the matter?” I was very scared.
INTERPRETATION- (21)
Being at Mum’s while leavy shows I used to enjoy living alone. The bird with heavy boots is me, a bird that can’t fly. The woman feeding it is Ann’s excessive mothering.
Trying to stay awake is what I really do each morning. Falling out my body is a straight O.B.E. It’s funny really because [star symbol] a few days ago I remember thinking how hard I used to try dream control, but if I just accepted on faith it would work it would. + it did! Ann not listening is literal. It’s strange. The next part is the most lovely dream I can ever remember, God knows why I drempt it, still I’m glad I did. The forest probably means I live here now. Ann being mad must be literal. Coming away may be past attempts at leaving but I came back for my shoes, which earlier refered to lack of freedom. Wow! Ann being mad again is me trapped. What’s
the matter.
It could be even more literal. Yesterday Ann complained that she felt a creeping heat enveloping her body and thought she was going to die. All after that she was ratty and shouting for no reason. Tonight I went upstairs and when I came down the part of the room where she sits is covered in a kind of mist giving a soft focus effect. When I put the light on it goes. Also it’s freezing cold and no matter what I do I can’t warm the room up. Weird.
Yesterday in E.T. Gill said I could leave early because it was obvious I “didn’t like work”. Oh dear.
Somebody’s been over the gate again. I’ve took another photo.
Later 5:36 am.
Did I mention these books were rubbish?
It were a strange thing yesterday. The dream I mean. Ann was really mad and usually I would have went out
dejected. when I did go out I was actually uplifted. It was like the old “as is” days. Very good. I’m gonna make it. I really will have to start thinking of Christmas. I have to be afloat on 1st Jan, how? I’ll have to think something up now. I’ll perhaps buy a holiday magazine to help me decide.
I think Ann’s getting up.
Date: Sunday 29th November 1992. T- 12:57am
M- 1.0 L- In Loungue.
I got me photos today. Lots of them, 5 envelopes. Generally they’re not bad. I’m pleased with the new camera results. Ann was supposed to go away friday but didn’t so she’s going today. I almost knew she wouldn’t but I don’t know why. Still, she got me a + 4 filter to photograph her jewellery. I’ll maybe do it thismorning.
It’s not been very good actually. I bought a negative album and I’ve about got that sorted. I haven’t got much further with the master plan. I’ve sort of been waiting for this week. It should be easier when she ain’t there. I’m a
ritual bottle behind. I’ll have to get that seen to aswell. Yep. I will. I have to take the balloon photos yet. I’ll do that Monday morning probably. What ever. It will be ready by photography class.
I went to B.H.S. today. It’s near christmas so they have new staff on every week. (Ann’s coming) (She wants Gin to drink). She’s such a pain. I HATE HER.
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ve three things to really get done. One = Band 2= Holiday 3= Course. They’ve been hanging over me for ages which is why I’m probably so down. concerning all this: only so much opportunity can present itself at one time, if it was grasped instantly, the next one would present itself. I must get these sorted out, and sorted out Now. They must be completed by monday, well, I mean on Monday. Opportunity’s must now be grasped as they present themselves. Yes. That’s the best idea.
Actually I might not do the photo’s on Monday. I could
take some in in the New Year. I still haven’t sorted out that Pilgrims letter. Well, when I say sorted out I mean opened. Bugger.
Mum is back on around the 16th. I shall… MUST buy that necklace the Thursday after I see her. I shall stitch / make something for Mai’s to go round, Actually that little teddy would have been good, the one from the film, then again not as expensive as one I have made myself. It would be great.
I’m not sure weather I should go up to bed now. I don’t know if I’ll sleep.
I might go up the centre later. We’ll see.
Date: Same – T- 10:0[crossed out: 8]7pm.
[Circled: 22]
I was travelling in a car and was with a woman who knew her husbands grave was being moved. She saw it out the window We also chanced to see a brass band which was very unlucky so she was upset. She got out the car and prayed and could hear him talking and comforting her.
Next I was in Mum’s house.
I could see a picture of a queen and hear someone commenting on how ugly she was and I had to agree with them. I could see her skull beneath her face. Somebody asked me if Mum was getting out of bed because they wanted to go.
INTERPRETATION – [Circled: 22] – The old woman could be Ann. The queen probably too. Mum in bed means she ain’t much better.
Ann got off. I weren’t up in time to get the photo’s done. I’ll do it when she gets back. After she left I went up to the centre. They put the sugar by the till now so you have to ask for it. How embarrasing. It was exactly like the time I was there for Chinese New Year: EXACTLY. That Jessica girl from school who sat at the next table but one that day was there, and around the room there was 6 Chinese people. Mind you, I got some photos this time. Two in fact. I didn’t get round to looking at the photos. One chinese girl kept staring at me and I was
too embarrassed to spread my papers all over the table.
On the way back I DID phone the board people. I must have got the number wrong before. She was really friendly and is sending it right out to me. I’ve just heard them two come in. He said “are you still up” I went upstairs. Silly boy. I’m gonna get the penultimate ribbon on the dolls today. Only one more to go then. Wow. I’ll re-start meditating TODAY. (Geoffs coming). Buger. Anderson’s in tommorrow so I’ll have to be out. I’ll do the letter. Yep. That’s good. (He’s left the door open). I’ll do some books now. I’ll write later.
Date: Tuesday 1st December 1992 T- 2:54pm Last Pen!
M- 3.4 L- In Loungue.
(23)
I was with Mum in the bedroom. I had hidden a doll their but couldn’t find it. I didn’t want to paticually because I was scared of it’s magickal power. Eventually I did find it and when I held it I felt a kind of strong electrical current running all over me. I then wrapped it up and put it on the shelf. I wasn’t frightened anymore and was glad I had found it.
(23)
I was on holiday.
(25)
I was out in the garden and got attacked. Ann came out onto the patio to deal with them and I came in and shut the door. I phoned the police on a mobile phone, but only did so really quietly in a whisper. There was a Chinese family living upstairs that nobody knew about We moved them away from danger. I heard a commentator say they were nice mice, but if there were moe than 6 they wouldn’t use the litter and breed.
INTERPRETATION – (22) That’s my dolls. It’s basically literal. (23) literal (24) The way I’m always shoved onto the patio to smoke. I whispered on the phone showing I don’t complain. The chinese family is my secret visualizations upstairs and moving is wishing to leave.
Later: 10:02pm. Well. I just
went out to the shop to buy some mashed potatoes but they were out so I didn’t buy anything. Bummer.
I went to E.T. today and did some printing. _crossed out: I have to go some day._ Oh yes, it must have been I hate it.
I went through the catalogues and all but one letters. I’ve written it all up on the board and will now await a dream as to my course of action.
I went to bed earlier but couldn’t seem to quite drop off. I’m up now but I’ll go up later.
I finally sent off for the files this week at last. They should be here sometime. Mind you, it may not be until Ann’s back.
The holiday front isn’t looking so promising. The magazines weren’t really suitable and all prices EVERYWHERE are based on two sharing. I shall have to think about it.
I’ve been ever so depressed lately. Oh dear. The E.T. is getting to me, though I’ve nearly finished it. I’m planning to be away by March so I should really be living “as if”. My goods should come as soon as I get there. It’s worrying because I know I may never return.
There’s billions of things I should say but I think I’ll get off to bed. Soon I’ll ring the travel agents to find out how much a single supplement is and if anybody does cater for singles especially.
Date: Wednesday 2nd December 1992 T- 2:00
M- 3.1 L- Loungue.
(25)
I was in a shop asking the price of drinks. I bought a bottle of Gin.
INTERPRETATION – (25) – Dunno. Maybe something to do with Ann or Magick. I Dunno.
I didn’t go to E.T. today. I went to sleep after Geoff was in and then woke at 9:30 am. I rung in sick.
I did the ritual for the last 26th. There’s only one more ribbon to go. It still feels really good, to be doing this today. Wow. The Magickal album is going well aswell. There could well be a chance in one of these courses. A dream will show me soon. I’ll have to send off for the Magick stuff soon regardless of Ann.
It has to be here in time for Christmas. Yes, I’ll do that soon. Only 13 days, a week tuesday, until I ring Mum. Wow. I’m looking forward to getting the necklace a day after. Excellent. I must write up my wish tommorrow. Yes. That will be good. After that there’ll only be one more time that I do it. I’ll maybe ring the travel agents tommorrow.
I dunno what I’ll do with that champagne. Probably drink it when I have a ticket to ride and Ann isn’t here. When I seal the box up when I leave I’ll buy another one to drink when I open it. It will be a great stimulus to do well and return with my goods. Actually I’ll probably drink that bottle when I put the necklace on. I’ll have to check out the addresses for books later. I’ll get that done soon. I’m slowly getting there. Yep. Slowly but surely.
Date: Saturday 5th December 1992 T- 3:06pm
M- 3.8 _crossed out: A_ Loungue – Location.
(26)
I was in a classroom with Mr S. We were given a lot of work to do so I went for a long walk
and came back when it was finished
I was then in the kitchen and Jason came to see me. We told each other we both missed each other and talked of old times.
INTERPRETATION – (26) The classroom one is that I don’t like E.T. M+S because I often go there afterwards. Jason I suppose is pure nostalgia. It’s about a year since when I saw him last now and I do miss him, the things we did together. It’s true he was sometimes a pain in the arse but some memories we have together I will cherish, and alot of photos too. All the silly things we did and our unblinking optimism, well, mainly his unblinking optimism. It makes me laugh now. I wonder how he is? Maybe he’ll come home one day. Maybe he’ll come home for Christmas? I doubt it somehow. I don’t think he ever had a good one here. I’ll send a card to Simon again this year. I need only buy one though, I don’t
know anyone else to send them to! Last year I really believed I’d have loads this year and the amount would keep going up. How awful. I really shouldn’t have stayed here in the summer, it was my big mistake. Still, you live ‘N’ learn. I suppose all the bovver I had was because I went against my own Magick. I lost my A as specified, I hesitated and paid the price. Oh how things have turned.
Haven’t had that dream yet. I’ll have to work everything out Sunday and before I post it Monday I’ll look in the job centre and see if there’s anything free or local. I really will do this Monday. Sunday I must drop the money off for the photographic trip. I’ll stay up + do it after cleaning. I’ll perhaps go downtown then and get some photographs done. Next to warehouse city + the co-op arcade they’re building something new. I should really capture it for posterity. Right, I’m off. Oh yeah. I’ll sort the Magick out later too. I’ll send that Monday.
Date: Monday 7th December 1992 T- 2:04-
M- 0.3 L- Lounge.
Urgh. This is awful. There’s no particular development to write up about, except I wish I was dead. I hate this. It’s terrible. Ann came back today, but that’s not it. I just don’t know how I’ll carry on with life. I hate it and wish I wasn’t alive. No matter what happens, money, car, job, travel, mansion, lazing on a beach in tropical sunshine: SO WHAT? I feel so awful and I keep trying to think what would solve it but if I could name anything on earth there’s nothing in particular I could have that would change my mood. What am I supposed to do? How do I carry on. I honestly absolutely hate this. Each day is a tormenting living hell. Absolutely awful. GO AWAY. Oh please. I just don’t want to be alive. In that last red diary I was writing in a year ago I remember writing something similar. I’ve just made a drink I think Ann may be getting up.
Anyway, now to what do I propose to do
about all this.
Well, seeing as I’ve always felt like this and never any different, the fact is I really don’t wish to live my life. I’m so sorry.
It can’t be like this though. Here. Not that I haven’t tried but I’ve never done or seen anything. My idea to go abroad is the right one. I could have a holiday in the new year, then a course, then go abroad. I could even make it for February. I MUST see to those letters today, + I’ll go to the job-centre, for local training + I have a thing from N.E.C. to send off.
I can’t really see what else to do. With me suicidal feelings are periodical. Would it be illogical to say it’s bound to catch up on me sooner or later? I think not. It’s just one of those things. This is why I keep putting the trip off for. I know what it’s leading to. Still, what is the option?.
Date: Tuesday 8th December 1992 T- 2:51 pm
L- Lounge Mood 2.8
(27)
I can only remember a fragment of this but I was abnormal in the Orient and I remember thinking how
Much happier !
(28)
I was at Yasmines house and was about to go out when I remembered I’d forgot a antique skull in her cupboard so I got it.
Next I was with Paul at Mum’s. He was naughty so I hit him and accidentally killed him. I felt really awful but then woke up and was really relieved.
INTERPRETATION – (27) – Message/ reassurance
(28) An antidote to suicidal feelings.
Ann’s gone out thank God, I really have felt awful lately. Wow. I’m going to sort the file today. We’ve got tues, wed + thurs off so I’ll be able to do something then. I’ll probably see Mum Wednesday.
I really must sort the money out sometime. It’s all stuck in the bank not earning any interest. I won’t be able to tell Mum of my plans next week now, I really want a ticket
to show her. Hopefully I’ll be up early tommorrow to get photographs if needs be. I’m going job centre soon to see about the courses. If there’s something locally, I dunno. I’ll defo send the magick stuff now.
I’ll get an argos catalogue next time for the day I see nan, I can fill in a slip for the necklace then Friday. I should have something to eat then. Went to kentucky yesterday. I went was the only person in there. I must be up early tommorrow. I’ll go to Up All Night a week Friday. That will be when I get the necklace. I must get a bandage too for the dolls. I’ll have to write out a request as well. It MUST be full moon sometime. Pehaps I’ll do it tonight. I dunno, yeah. it may be good that way. We’ll see. YO! Right, I’d better get a move on. Late? Chinese tonight.
Date: Wednesday 9th December 1992
T-L: 20am M- 1.1 L- Lounge.
(29)
Ann left with Geoff to go and see the kids but they came here so I told them she’d gone. Across the road Kingsley Park Garage was a restaurant and it was dark so I went in. I saw a woman counting cocktail sticks waiting for her guests to arrive. It was sunday. Earlier to the kids I’d remarked how everything seemed quiet on a Sunday.
Next I was in the Friary Cafe with Darren. He left his money on the counter so I held it for him. I asked for an egg sandwich and the woman laughed because she could only just understand me. Walking back I was in Kingsley Road and I left my bag in the road. I went back to get it. The racecourse had turned into a church with lovely colourful flowers and I was going to walk through to take pictures.
INTERPRETATION – 29 – The restaurants show they’re the only part in life I enjoy. Counting sticks is me counting the days to my goals. Restaurants really are quiet on a Sunday. The Friary brings back to when the queen was here & I really went there. Not understanding me is because I mumble. Darren’s money is because he (for once) bought me a drink. Me being in the road shows it’s a co-incidence leading to me travelling. The church & flowers shows I’m heading towards something better / different locations for pictures.
I went to the jobcentre but it was closed. I will get everything sorted out NOW. I’ll go and get all that I have to do and DO IT. Including my homework. Buddha help me. I left my Magick book out with the pictures of the photos I’ll have to do it [circled: NOW]. Thats my stimulus. I must do the dolls too. Last full moon except for the day. YO!
[Taped insert: Cardboard cutout with red and orange diagonal stripes and the BURGER KING logo]
[Right margin: Bk Sun]
[Taped insert: Cardboard packaging for Kentucky Fried Chicken Hot Apple Pie. Features the KFC logo, Colonel Sanders face, and a picture of green apples. Text reads: CAUTION FILLING IS HOT / Kentucky Fried Chicken. / Hot Apple Pie / CAUTION FILLING IS HOT]
[Right margin: Kentucky Mon]
[Taped insert: Yellow packaging for SPAR Prawn Crackers. Text reads: SPAR / PRAWN CRACKERS / A CHINESE STYLE CRACKER FLAVOURED WITH PRAWNS / FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLOURS AND PRESERVATIVES. Image shows a bowl of prawn crackers and two prawns.]
Ritual Thurs.
[Taped insert: 6 small black and white photos showing a woman in various poses, some with camera viewfinder graphics]
From Coincidence MJU camera Manual.
Date: _crossed out: March_ Thursday 10th December 1992
M-2.3 L-Loungue T- 4:25am.
I’m here. There was a total eclipse of the moon today, visible from Britain, at 1:30am, and it’s been a fittingly eventful day. I got the magick letters done and went to town. All the cafe’s were too busy or I would have been in time. I’ll go at 8:00 am today and get to B.K. I’ll then have an hour round town before I have to be in. Anyway, E.T. finished so I walked everywhere looking for a cafe. I went to BR to see I couldn’t get in and ended up right at St. James. It took me ages to get back and I was lost for a little while. I kept on walking and eventually emerged back at the railway station. I went back into town and walked round some more. Eventually I realised I’ve exhausted all the towns cafe’s and walked up to B.H.S. Going in I saw Susan Cauldry from Oxfam, but she didn’t recognise me and I plan to go in when I have my ticket abroad, then I’ll really be able to show them an achievement. I went in and sat down with some tea. Hayley came out + looked What I could do is send the photos tripleprint but that would have to be about a week before. Actually I probably won’t have time, shame. I’ll have to use boots, but it’s something to look forward to. I really will enjoy that. Knowing I bagged the photos. Yep. O.K. I’ll have to count the spaces in my album to see if they’re big enough. I’ll need a new one anyway. (my handwriting is really bad). As today was an eclipse and I had such an eventful day I did the ritual for the New Moon, so I was well, but eclipsed. It went O.K. I put all the remaining candles except the ones I need out round ginger ring biscuits in a ritual. I wrote the goals including more photos like today then set light to the paper outside. There’s only one more to go then into the sea. It’s good. I’ve been thinking about how frightened I will be when I go but the holiday will get me ready. Yep. O.K. Right. Now what? Oh yes, today. I’ll go out, perhaps to Index, I dunno, then will go up the center. Say: the old job, then to the photo by the shops; for the travel suits; then to Mac Donalds, then to college for my English exam, then Tesco’s. That’s the general plan anyhow. Right – 5:36am. I’m going for a liedown. ?Zater.
Date- Saturday 12th December 1992 T- 12:26am
M- 1.4 L-Loungue. watching Children of the Damned.
(30)
Something about Robert from the E.T. I broke my camera box. I could hear Mrs. Anderson banging on the door so I got up because I thought I was awake and it was real. In the “real” world she wasn’t there, but it was 8:30am and time to get ready. Amazing because I had dropped off for only a second
[Symbol: Three hand-drawn stars]
Amazing is the definition / interpretation.
Date: Sat later – 2:34pm.
I did Ann’s jewelry photos this morning but my tripod snapped so I was in a bit of a mood then Carly came with her stupid stares and schoolgirlish shyness. They’re coming a week on Sunday so I’ve had my day at Kentucky picked out for me! That’ll be me though because I will have something worked out by then.
Christmas decorations. I think I put in her news. I got some photos of the old water tower. I got to the centre & went to Macdonalds. I couldn’t believe it but Andrew Cattlett was working there. I knew him from my middle school. Unbelievable. How the hell could he be working there? Ha! Still, poor bugger. I went to college to get my English work but everyone was busy. They said they’d ring back. I then went to the centre and came home.
E.T. is as good as finished Friday. I have Tues & Wed off, possibly Thursday and Friday is a party. I think we may be in the water but I dunno. If so I just have to get moved in and then I can go. In other words there’s not much to do. It will be my last feast it up all night before Christmas.
Mum is back Tuesday and I shall see her Wednesday. She was going to get me a C.D. player in USA. So that’s something to look forward to. Did I say I rung up for a holiday Friday? It’s extremely expensive with a single supplement and probably
Next I dunno what to say. I really am going to get these letters sorted today. I explained earlier why I’m frightened of it but I also explained why I have no choice. I’m going up to visualise now, and to Abbey Road Side B.
Ah yes. Now 6:28 am. Well well well. What can I say? I’m going up in a minute, I’ll just have a smoke first. What else was going to say? I keep on wanting to talk about it but never seem to get round to it. I remember when I first read of the technique: the book said you act as if you have your goal, if you can stand it, for the obstical you have to face is that of your objective mind and a harsh reality staring you in the face and this is the problem I really suffer from. To really believe is so hard while it feels that time is slipping away. It would probably be better if I was abroad. Well the only thing to do is make plans. Not opening the letters is stupid. If there is bad news there not opening them doesn’t actually change that. I must get on with it.
[Taped insert: Collage of photographs. Top center shows a woman in a white shirt and blue bow tie behind a popcorn counter with a menu board reading “CHOCOLATE TRUFFLE, VERMONT MAPLE PECAN, STRAWBERRY CREAM…”. Other photos show a woman in a white dress by a river, portraits of Asian women, a cyclist in pink, and a woman drinking from a bottle.]
[right margin, written vertically in blue ink: <- Picture from an Educational Catalogue. Co-incidental because I intend to travel to Korea! Why I cut it out.]
[right margin, written vertically in blue ink: From a photographic catalogue. Co-incidental because I will photograph the Orient.]
[Taped insert: Collage of photographs and a printed leaflet. Photos show people in a car, a car roof reflecting a sunset, and silhouettes in water and red light. The printed leaflet reads: “WORD WORKS NEWS THAT MATTERS FOR READERS AND WRITERS IN NORTHAMPTONSHIRE WINTER October 1992 – March 1993 Northamptonshire County Council Libraries and Information Service EAST MIDLANDS ARTS”]
[bottom right, written in blue ink: <- catalogue I got from the library on Friday.]
Date: Thursday 17th December 1992 T: 32-46 pm
M- 0.8 L-Lounge Med 29
[Symbol: Circled 32]
I went to Lings to take photos and there was a man there who couldn’t bow because he was absesed because his son had died in a sports complex like Lings.
[Symbol: Circled 33]
I was in a travel agent trying to buy a plane ticket to Los Angeles and the woman said I wouldn’t be able to buy one at any travel agents because they don’t sell them. Accross the walkway there was a flight centre and I asked if they would sell one and she said yes. Next I was looking at a postcard that had been sent to me from Korea. It had a messiah statue on it, well two, layed out in the form of a map. As the card was divided in two and as I
moved from one side of the line to another and I knew it was a miracle.
[Diagram: A rectangle with a diagonal line from top left to bottom right. Two small circles on the left side of the line have arrows pointing across the line to the right side.] MIRACLE.
INTERPRETATION – (32) – That’s about Chinese New Year and how I am obsessed because I lost myself there. Photographing it is because that is what I intend to do. (33) This is about the trouble I’m having at the moment with my intention to travel.
Well, I can’t think what’s happened since I last wrote. One of those parcels for my next magick came. It was the pictures so at least I have those. They sent a penguin to make instead of an owl. So I’m in trouble. I’ll have to find something else with an owl on now. That penguin can denote helplessness.
I saw Mum yesterday. I felt awful. It really was terrible. I was so low, but I did get money though. got another
I chose photo in B.H.S. though I don’t know if I’ve captured it though. Yep, that’s that. I felt O.K. about that photo, but not much else.
On Monday I went in the filing cabinet & Ann had tidied all my discs up. All this time she’s been going in there and all my magick is there! Oh no. I’ve padlocked it now.
Tuesday I went to the occult shop and bought a book about realisation saying it doesn’t matter if you visualize but you have to feel as though you have what you want now, which I know but can’t yet do.
Tommorrow is the E.T. party. I have to buy something for it but nobody decided what. I’m going to sort EVERYTHING as soon as I get home, all I have to buy, all the calls I have to make, I really will use the party tommorrow to get going. I’d better go and get ready now. I’ll get it done once and for all and not wait for
until I’m alone. Wow, this is it.
Date: Friday Later 11:41pm.
Ann’s gone to bed. I went to town and bought milk tray, I couldn’t think of anything else.
I haven’t done much else yet. I must shave ready for tommorrow. Now I’m thinking calmly about it that book really shattered me. It’s let me know how hard all this is going to be. Imagine the mental effort needed to imagine and feel you have everything you want in life when all you really want to do is end it. Is it really possible? I’ll sort it all tommorrow. Yep. I will do everything as planned. It’s the party and I have my list, well, what I mean is I’ll write my list down. I’ll make the phone calls. I’m going to buy those champagne poppers like I used for the dolls. It will be meaningful that everyone is popping them. I wish I was dead.
Date: 2:07am. I’m just smoking before going up to bed. Geoff’s only just come in, that’s
very late.
I was going to talk about the situation generally. As you can see I’ve lost my pen and also restarted meditation.
Meditation – 26.
Well Firstly my mood is awful. I didn’t say about tuesday did I? I went to the library and in the record section where I originally went through them I looked through all of them I couldn’t find one that was really suitable, though I now have a rough plan. There’s one place that does a one week introductory course, I could go there, then another that has schools abroad. I will ring to see if I could study there, it’s just that I think you need a degree and experience. It may be the only thing for me to do is to take a non-RSA course / certificate. I dunno, I’ll have to ring tommorrow. I’ll see what happens. I must get a move on and get it done though. I’ll leave a note that I want to be woken. Well, more about my mood.
It all comes down to that book
book that turned up at exactly the right time. It’s like somebody’s trying to speak to me. Well anyway, it’s easy to see what you want, infact nothing could be easier. To feel you have something now you wish for in the future, in the face of “reality”, is the hardest thing I could ever imagine. Wow. Perhaps you can spark the feeling in visualization and expand it into the whole of your waking life. I dunno. I’m going up. I’ll only get a couple of hours sleep.
Date: Friday 18th December 1992 T- 4:47am.
(34)
I was on the rec-course with David from E.T. and showed him something but I can’t read it.
I went to town and was carrying a new bag that was completely transparent. I had to hide my photos in there so people wouldn’t laugh.
INTERPRETATION – (34) I haven’t remembered enough of this for it to mean anything. The bag is my travel plans. The transparency means they’re generally known now because of Ann’s noseyness.
Right, shall I write up what’s happened today then? I woke up late and went to circle K and didn’t have the guts to buy anything (Ann just rang). I got to E1 late. At break I went out and got a sherry when I came back in Gill.H she gave me a card. At lunch everyone started eating the food everyone had brought. I didn’t feel comfortable giving the chocolates so I left. I had a smoke and when I came back everyone had gone and I photo-copied some work I was to do with _crossed out: Gill?_ That was it. I went to Thames and came home. Oh yer, I went to the art shop first, they’ve got some great, really relevant stuff there. There’s that clock kit I wanted for £6.99. (Ship, Anns book, just I was about to add the piece de resistance.
Late! 1:57am Sat- I found my pen, it was in my bedroom in a pot I’d forgotten about. Ann’s gone to bed now. I opened those chocolates while I watched “have I got news for you” It was a release for half an hour I suppose. Now, where was I. Oh
In the artshop. They also have a modeling clay that hardens in the oven. I could make some bits and paint them over christmas. YES! I could do some figurines and all the little bits I want. It may be possible to sort something out over christmas and go completely as if as I was talking about the other day. That sounds good. I suppose on sunday I’ll be all over the place while the kids are here. I shall put everything out then. he said! I know I keep putting all this off and it looks crucial, but I’m so frightened really. What could I do if it didn’t work out? God knows.
4.38am. I have to concentrate on this feeling. I somehow have to expand it. How? How can I feel it all the time? I’ve been looking through the paper and there is a watch there that monitors your pulse and blood pressure for £120. That could really help me religiously.
I’d just got ready to go up then and I realised what I originally wanted to say. The only way I can see to expand the feeling of having got what you want is to live your life in two halves, or rather two
words. Half of life would be the world I visualise in, where I would live as I wish and only generate the feelings I want. The rest would be out here in hell except somehow I must carry the feeling with me. The task is to switch belief from this world to the next. To believe what happens inside as truth, I suppose really this is part of the secret of life. God, that’s hard. That really is though, the crux of the matter. This whole issue needs thinking out in detail. I need to think the ritual in detail and it would only work if I had a definate plan for after christmas. Yep, that’s it. Well, can I make it? task I’ve asked myself that so many times. I could go back to my earlier idea and write down my daily fantasys/daydreams in a diary to take with me in the other world. Say, everytime I get a depressive feeling I could think how this problem could be solved perfectly. eg. not enough money. having a lot of money. Each time I get a bad feeling I think why I have it, what feeling I wish to have, what would bring it about and write the feeling and image in my
diary to live out in the other world, and tick it when I’ve really felt the emotion. Hopefully? I could dismiss the negative thought as soon as it came that way. Yep! That’s it. Perhaps I need a book about positive thinking. we’ll see. I’ll go up and visualise now- 5:47am.
Wed-Sun- 19.
[Taped insert: A cut-out piece of an envelope with a postmark “HONOLULU HI 968 PM 1992” and two US postage stamps: a 10c Red Cloud stamp and a 40c William T. Piper Aviation Pioneer stamp.]
[Taped insert: A rectangular photograph of a dark, forested island or coastline under a bright blue sky with scattered white clouds, surrounded by dark blue water.]
[Taped insert: A Christmas card with a scalloped edge and a border of drawn holly leaves and blue/purple squiggles. Text on the front of the card reads: “Brother- may your Christmas…” Below this is a smaller rectangular panel showing a drawing of penguins singing carols on a snowy hill. Visible text from the inside of the card peeking out from behind the front flap reads: “ngs of Yasmine & Sarah. xx”]
Be one to remember with happiness!
Christmas Greetings to You with lots of love from Yasmin & Sarah. xx
[inserted above: Sun night?]
Med Sun night – 24
Sr. Man Munny – 21.
Med – 19
Date: [inserted above: LATE NOV] Wednesday 23rd December 1992 T- 9:16 pm
M-3.2 L-Loungue.
(33)
Somebody burgled the house and doused house & the floor in petrol, and lit it. It went up but house didn’t.
(34)
I was at Wood Hill with Darren. I asked him to change some £20’s to £5’s. I showed a policeman to see if they were O.K. and he said fine.
(35) [inserted above: class night]
I was in a house running frantically through some doors. Some were locked and some were alarmed. In the end I ended up in a room with lots of people and got told off.
I was out on a walking trip. I had to walk along a really frightening old rickety bridge. While I did so I got a friend to take a photograph. My camera was very small in a cigar and was triggered by blowing into it. When I looked they had spat in it & I was mad.
I was up on the Wellingborough Road and saw Elaine from E.T. steal a handbag with Jenny. We went to a house and went in. It had some black people in & was really cramped. I stroked a dog and showed him outside the window. He looked really excited because other dogs were playing. We got in a car & Robert from E.T. lit a cigar the wrong way. I joked with him. An old woman asked me if I would ask for the music not to be turned round. I told her it would upset people. I told her I was 24 and she looked surprised.
INTERPRETATION – (33) Revenge for house blaming me for the burglary. (34) That I’m going to spend all my money & get stopped by the police. (35) All the doors are options & told off is worry of mistake. The bridge is the next stage in my life. I can stand it because I photograph it. Spitting the cigar is ? dunno, saying I don’t need smoking? Elaine stealing ? I don’t know.
No, I can’t thing what that means, perhaps mad because I went to E.T. as an alternative to travel. The house is where I live, here, psychologically cramped. The dog is Jason showing me how life can be. Robert is showing me how I laugh now sometimes Age & Music one age woman.
Date: Friday 25th December 1992 T- 1:29 pm
CHRISTMAS DAY L-Loungue M-1.2.
[Taped insert: A Christmas card featuring an illustration of two robins perched on a snowy branch with holly leaves and red berries.]
To MR.
Best Wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Lots of Love Ann .
Northampton College
-FOCUSING ON- EXCELLENCE-
Northampton College, Booth Lane, Northampton NN3 3RF Tel: (0604) 403322/401100 Fax: (0604) 784623
8 December 1992
To all City and Guilds
Photography Students
[Watermark: Serving Northamptonshire since 1972]
Evening class subjects, times, days and dates – Spring 1993
Monday 11 January – 5.00pm-7.00pm) Introduction to Black
Monday 11 January – 7.00pm-9.00pm) and White photography
Wednesday 13 January – 5.00pm-7.00pm) (Please bring with you an unprocessed 400 ISO B/W Film shot over Christmas)
Wednesday 13 January – 7.00pm-9.00pm)
Tuesday 12 January – 7.00pm-9.00pm Still Life Photography
Thursday 14 January – 7.00pm-9.00pm Image derivation
All modules run for 10 weeks and cost £13.50, plus £7.00 materials.
Enrolment will take place at the beginning of each class, students changing evenings or enroling for the first time this academic year will do so on a first come first served basis.
Principal: Ronald Barden BSc(Econ) FRSA
[Taped insert: Christmas card front showing a line of cartoon reindeer waiting at a green door marked “VACANCIES” with a silhouette of Santa and a reindeer inside.]
[Taped insert: Booklet cover with an astrological symbol border. Text: prediction YEAR PLANNER 1992 A LINK HOUSE MAGAZINE. Logo: Ouroboros snake eating its tail around the year 1992.]
To [blurred]
I’m trying very hard to keep to my promise, but shall look foward to seeing you the first Wednesday after the New Year. Unless of course you change your mind, you only have to phone me.
Lots of Love
Mum + Brian.
Merry Christmas
[Printed image: Reindeer lining up at the “VACANCIES” door]
[FEBRUARY]
14 F PREDICTION ON SALE LONDON
[16 S has a hand-drawn box extending across the page]
25 T [Moon symbol 7.57 hrs] Send Tailand Letter [arrow pointing down]
26 W Candle. [arrow pointing down]
[Bottom margin: LOOK FOR COUPON]
[MARCH]
[Top margin: Going away book. Slips Coupon Guide book. Bank book.]
2 M Gets Slips by now.
4 W [Red dot 13.23 hrs] Send book Start Racing Pool debts PD
5 T Buy 1st Travel. PD
7 S Dream for Sat 21st March. PD
[Right margin has “PD” written vertically down the days from 4 W to 18 W]
11 W Projection with letter. PD
12 T [Moon symbol 2.37 hrs] PD
13 F PREDICTION ON SALE PD
14 S Dream for National. PD
18 W [Sun symbol 18.19 hrs] write book PD
19 T Send letter
20 F [Sun symbol enters Aries symbol 8.49 hrs] Ann goes.
21 S _Retro dream._ Book Sent today. [Circled: A]
28 S Pools Sunday Saturday.
29 S Ann back.
[APRIL]
3 F [Red dot 5.02 hrs] Re-start dream / projection
4 S Pools Saturday.
10 F [Moon symbol 10.07 hrs] PREDICTION ON SALE Last English Day.
21 T Book replys from now.
[MAY]
6 W Book Tickets by
21 T Book reminders.
[top margin: I AM AT BK. 14/12/92. 7:59.59 pm NOW]
[top margin, circled: COURSE 1000 TICKET 1000]
[top margin, circled: FAITH]
1 T
2 W [moon symbol] 6.18 hrs magick
3 T tonight Interveiw O.K.
4 F 9 [circled: must be up in time] Phonecall O.K.
5 S [circled: must be up in time] English Course O.K.
6 S [circled: must be up in time] forgein Course O.K.
7 M Magick working in all aspects.
8 T Worth Arranging.
9 W [sun symbol] 23.42 hrs [moon symbol] 23.45 hrs B 18
10 T DIARY [square symbol] is phone call O.K? money?
11 F PREDICTION ON SALE 10
12 S
13 S
14 M
15 T C+A Interveiw With D.Phoeletter.
16 W [moon symbol] 19.14 hrs
17 T
18 F 11
19 S
20 S Kids Love Kentucky? Geoff Camera.
21 M [sun symbol] enters [Capricorn symbol] 14.44 hrs
22 T
23 W Ann Goes.
24 T [new moon symbol] 0.44 hrs [moon symbol] 0.32 hrs B 1 19 [star symbol]
25 F 12
26 S
27 S
28 M
29 T
30 W
31 T 13
[bottom margin, circled: NEED 20 CANDLES]
1 W [written vertically across days 1-8: LEAVING]
2 T [moon symbol] 2.44 hrs
3 F
4 S
5 S
6 M
7 T
8 W
9 T
10 F PREDICTION ON SALE
11 S
12 S
13 M
14 T [sun symbol] 19.07 hrs [written vertically: Butt]
15 W
16 T
17 F
18 S
19 S
20 M
21 T
22 W [moon symbol] 22.13 hrs [sun symbol] enters [Leo symbol] 14.10 hrs
23 T
24 F
25 S
26 S
27 M
28 T
29 W [new moon symbol] 19.36 hrs [written vertically: Butt]
[Taped insert: Christmas card showing three rabbits singing carols]
[Taped insert: Christmas card showing two red squirrels in the snow]
To Jay [full name redacted].
Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
ALL THE BEST
SIMON.
[Symbol: stylized signature with curved lines and dots]
P.T.O
To [blurred name]
A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Love from
Gill x
(Link)
[Taped insert: Christmas card showing bears ice skating]
[Taped insert: Christmas card showing snowmen and Santa skydiving in a circle]
[Taped insert: Inside of a Christmas card]
… With Love
at Christmas-time!!
From Susan.
[Taped insert: Inside of a Christmas card]
Merry
Christmas
From Eilean
[Taped insert: Torn piece of paper]
TO
THE GREATEST
LOVER IN THE WORLD.
[Taped insert: Back of an envelope]
S.W.
A. P.H.S.Y.
[Taped insert: Lloyds Bank statement]
Lloyds Bank
Statement of account with Lloyds Bank Plc
NORTHAMPTON
Sheet number 16
S
Description of entries
BGC Bank Giro Credit
C/P Cashpoint Withdrawal
D/D Direct Debit
S/O Standing Order
Cheques are designated by the serial number
DIV Dividend
INT Interest Warrant
If followed by an * the tax voucher is not available to the Bank.
All entries to 11DEC92 inclusive are complete
Date Particulars Payments Receipts Balance When overdrawn marked OD
1992 Opening Balance 4568 57 *
17NOV SUNDRY CREDIT 44 16
NORTHAMPTON C/P 1 40 00 4572 73 *
19NOV SUNDRY CREDIT 22 08 4594 81 *
23NOV NORTHAMPTON C/P 1
DATE OF WITHDRAWAL 21NOV 20 00
NORTHAMPTON C/P 1
DATE OF WITHDRAWAL 22NOV 10 00 4564 81 *
25NOV SUNDRY CREDIT 20 00 4584 81 *
27NOV SUNDRY CREDIT 32 08 4616 89 *
30NOV NORTHAMPTON C/P 1
DATE OF WITHDRAWAL 28NOV 60 00 4556 89 *
3DEC SUNDRY CREDIT 60 00
000022 14 25 4602 64 *
7DEC SUNDRY CREDIT 22 08
WELLINGBOROUGH RD C/P 1
DATE OF WITHDRAWAL 05DEC 20 00 4604 72 *
8DEC NORTHAMPTON C/P 1
DATE OF WITHDRAWAL 07DEC 20 00 4584 72 *
9DEC NORTHAMPTON C/P 1 20 00 4564 72 *
10DEC SUNDRY CREDIT 22 08 4586 80 *
11DEC SUNDRY CREDIT 40 00 4626 80 *
The items and balance shown should be verified. Details of rates and calculations of any interest charged are available on request to this branch. The Bank is not liable for loss or delay caused directly or indirectly by industrial action or by circumstances beyond its control.
[Taped insert: Front of a Christmas card. Printed text reads: A Christmas Prayer / They came with haste, and found the babe lying in a manger. LUKE 2:16]
Date: Saturday 26th December 1992 T- 12:27am
Boxing Day. M- 08 L- Loungue.
(36)
I was at Link buying life Insurance.
INTERPRETATION- Dunno.
[Inside of the Christmas card]
To Jay
[Printed text: May God’s gifts of peace and happiness surround you this Christmas.]
Best Wishes and a Very Merry Xmas, from the Pike family
God it’s so long since I’ve written I can’t remember half of it. I can tell you it’s not good though. Sunday was a terrible day. I saw Eileen downtown and she told me how drunk Susan had been at the party and acted out of characture. Monday I got so drunk I was sick everywhere and Ann shouted. I can honestly say it was the worst drunk I’ve ever been. Awful. I was so ill. I saw Jim on the way to E.T. He said hallo. Did I say about the Interview I went to with ?Burabeer ?Dudeah? It was at C+A Distribution. ViV gave us the wrong address so we were two hours late. We also went to C+A the clothes shop to find out where it was, it turns out they are vacuum salespeople. Oh shit. It was horrible anyway. On the day of the party Till told them had wanted a girl! They knew we were unemployable even before they saw us! Awful. Think how that makes me feel. I can’t even work for free.
Date: Monday 28th December 1992 T- 6:10pm
M- 3.4 L- Loungue
The 4 cards that ?normally disappeared to re-appear ?years ago
[Taped insert: TSB Speedbank receipt]
TSB BANK
– TSB SPEEDBANK –
ACCOUNT NUMBER [blacked out]
SPEEDBANK LOCATION
ABINGTON, NTHAMPTON
THIS RECEIPT CONFIRMS YOUR REQUEST
FOR CASH AMOUNT £200.00
ACCOUNT BALANCE £280.84
THANK YOU FOR USING SPEEDBANK
DATE 24/12/92 TIME 20:56 REF: 21023B5
[Right margin next to receipt:]
Jason’s speedbank receipt.
(36)
I was at Mum’s house and Ann Low + family called. Her daughter asked if I was O.K and I said I was always miserable anyway. They had dinner but I sat at the table and read. I left with Mum; by the time I got to the bus _crossed out: station_ [inserted above: stop] she was Ann. I looked at the time-table. Next I was running down the alley towards Ann’s house following a butler with a silver platter shouting warnings. On the road a caravan had crashed and the woman couldn’t get to her holiday destination I showed her a hot-dog stall by our backgate + told them to stay. I saw some stairs nearby. I went down and there was three little people attacking full sized people The little people were trying to kill us. They were driven underground and I realised everybody had gone, so the little people might return. I went down some other stairs to the lowest room in the house and hid in a
dimly lit room. A little girl came in and Geoff was with her, no, she was with her Mum. We ran upstairs to Geoff’s bedroom and hid. He told me he’d put salt round the door to keep them out.
INTERPRETATION – (36) – Being at Mum’s house is when I lived there, always miserable. Reading while they ate showed I didn’t fit in. Mum changing to Ann is going to live there. The running water is a warning that Ann dictates with a weapon of food. The broken down caravan is me not moving on when I should have done. The food again is obvious. The little people were all my worries – rent problems and me hiding. The little girl? could be Jason’s little girl meaning to the invitation I recently received to go away and stay there. The salt is the occult connection. Last Jason told me he wrote a book called salt magick so it could be that. Geoff’s bedroom represents a higher part of my mind.
4:34 am. I haven’t written for a long time: since Christmas day isn’t it? I never fully updated then, still, I’ll do it now.
I was about to say when I got home from LMK, I think tuesday, oh yes, on that day I saw that bloke with short hair that was on the photography trip. Anyway, Jason Pike came! Wow! Unbelievable. We sat & talked and I took alot of photographs. He’s got a car now. We left to go to Kentucky. On the way he was breathalised by the police and got a producer. We got to Kentucky and he gave me all his news. Later he phoned to say he had no insurance, could he borrow my licence to get a cover note. I said O.K. He said “Thanks for doing that” before I said I would to manipulate me. He came Christmas day and said I could say it was stolen. Next day he said when the documents come through he wants me to send them in the post, thus implicating me. He did say he wouldn’t change the log book over. Today he came and said he would. God, what a mess!
He brought his wife and “daughter” round today. After all the bad things people have said about her she didn’t seem too bad. His “daughter” was sweet. They invited me to stay for a week when they go back. I know what Jason’s like, he probably said so on the spur of the moment without asking her. It is instead a another couple apparently. The daughter would sleep in with them.
My magick statue parcels been found but I haven’t been in to get it. Perhaps today. Dunno. I’ve got to go to the police today because I want to check he didn’t give my name and address to the police.
I’m going to get some of the trip sorted today aswell. I’m frightened but advancing quietly optimistic lately. The more I think about it the more I think Mum could support me.
[Taped insert: Postcard showing a night skyline with the text “NEW YORK”]
[Taped insert: Postcard with a logo “NEW ORLEANS CITY OF ENCHANTMENT” and text “PRESERVATION HALL KID THOMAS BAND 726 ST. PETER STREET…”]
Went up the Mississipi and saw Santa arrive on his barge – this place is very lively with music on every corner and in all the little bars. Love Mum & Brian.
[Taped insert: Postcard folded open, handwritten text across two panels]
Sat
Dear [unreadable]
What can I say about New York – the Big Apple! Its certainly very cosmopolitan and very busy. Talk about walking, its up town, down town and somehow you never seem to get lost. The weather is like in England and very cloudy so Brian’s photos havent all come out as they should have done even with a 400 film. But they certainly were better.
So, New York is bigger – taller and very impressive, its also crowded, dirty and very noisy! But at the sametime very exciting as well, especially when we flew over in a Helicopter.
Thats all for now – Love Mum & Brian. xx
Date: Wednesday 30th January 1992
Med 19 – 19 – 16 – * 16 – I missed.
(37)
Opps! I’ve forgotten it.
I’m going out later. I’m going to get loads done seeing as I fell asleep yesterday. Geoff can only get that box on the New Year, well after, so I shall see if I can have it delivered tonight. I’ll make the necessary phonecalls and get all the forms and bit’s I need today. I’ll get the magical stuff remaining too.
I hate the photograph in my passport so I’m going to deliberately deface it and send for another.
I’ve bought some clay stuff and I’m going to get that done New Years eve. God knows how I’ll get that parcel now? Ship. Perhaps walk up tommorow if they’re open. Dunno. Would they be open New Years eve? Oh, I dunno. I’m going to write a complete iterary of what I have to do today.
Date: Thursday 31st December 1992
T- 2:13pm. L-Lounge M 1.0
I’m back from town. I got about half done of what I wanted and I should be O.K. I got some Singapore sling, I’ve been wanting to try that for ages. Well. I’ll have to go on.
God knows what I’ll do tonight. Geoff’s gone to London and I don’t know when he’ll be back. He won’t be here for midnight though, I know that. I suppose I’ll put the last ribbon on my box. ?spells.
I’ve ordered the box for Monday. I’m supposed to be back at Link. God knows what I shall do. I’ll order my tickets then. I’ll get everything else ready aswell. I suppose I’ll have to sort through every thing tommorow. Monday will be good then because I’ll make my arrangements and put my box out so my life past will be put away. It will be symbolic.
Looking back over the year it’s been a funny time. Jason had already gone and now he’s back. I was still at collage. I remember I was planting all those seeds that never grew. The most significant event of the year was at the height of the summer when the magic first worked to get me a File’o’fax. Very good. That’s when I believed. I started that green visualisation book, wow, it must be a couple of years now. I remember this time last year Clare was working at W.H. Smith and the pain that was causing me. Three months later I wrote my ill fated fifth book. There was the pub with Kevin and ofcourse this was the year I never looked at my face. Oh dear.
Meditation 14.
I remember that book called magician that I read. I tried to buy the sequal this christmas but I was too late. I was going to buy a couple of books this christmas, one was called “the Dawning of Clear Light” and another about positive thinking. I was too late for one, but the other I think I’m glad I didn’t get that one but did get 2 on meditation and one called “Living Magically”. It was basically an extension of Applied Visualisation / Love spells. It is a “as if” book. It was interesting because it postulates that in the same way you can interpret your dreams, your life is the same, that is everything that comes to you, you have attracted and has meaning, a bit like my sweet ‘N’ sour act. So for example my now obsession with ageing is brought by me because I didn’t act on my magick when I should have done.
Date: Saturday 2nd January 1992
T- 2:52am L-Lounge M- 1.7.
(38)
I was in a pub with Arthur daily and was his minder. Somebody kept trying to catch us and we both had to run away twice and hide. Next I was typing at school with John ward. He gave us both some money for helping him (guess who was our employer). At the same time he gave me a letter from Link. It said because I didn’t stay long on the 24th Dec they hadn’t been able to find me work so I was to go back on the 4th. I walked home and Louise was in the bath.
(39)
I was at Mum’s cooking, then we were in Tesco’s toilets. The toilets turned into Ann’s garage and Ann + Geoff were decorating it. I showed them a picture of how the toilets used to look; there was a lion in there. Ann wanted me to help her but I wouldn’t and she got mad saying I never worked.
I was in a small room that I think was the inside of a plane. Gary lineker was in there teaching people how
to tackle. He tried to demonstrate on me but I used a karate block to push him off.
A girl from college was there. She was sitting on my lap and told me she’d been at Mum’s house. We both kissed each other. I remembered she had been driving round with me all day. I told her I had seen her before but didn’t dare tell but now that I had spent a day with her I loved her.
INTERPRETATION – (38) At the port shows me ready to leave and live my life. Hiding twice means passing up opportunities because I was scared. Typing is the work I could have been doing. John Ward is because I knew him at school and he emmigrated to Japan. The letter? Dunno, it probably just means they haven’t found anything for me yet. Yep.
(39) At mum’s writing is sort of “independence” when I lived
there. Tesco’s toilets, perhaps because when I started college there?. Dunno. Ann’s garage brings back to when I lived there. I’d forgotten about that. Laziness sums up the problem: that I never took any action. The plane is me going. Tackling? perhaps not tackling my problems? The girl who had been at Mom’s house shows I’ve been romantic about choice since then. Getting to know her is probably presenting a solution to my painful memories?
Date. Saturday 2nd January 7. 23:08 pm
M-1.2 L-Loungue
(40)
I was at Link looking for a computer
INTERPRETATION – (40) – Dunno.
I can’t find my pen again. Perhaps I should tie it to the top like you get with certain diarys. I could put it down the spine but when I close the book it might break the bindings.
Things that feel Chrismassy
Tinsel.
Cards.
Mince Pies
Actors/ess plugging pantomine.
Novelty alcohol.
Magick
New Diarys.
Friendly people
Nuts
Dates.
Wrapping paper
Cameras.
Lights.
Cold.
Ann’s back tommorow. I can’t beleive it’s already over. I’ll have to get on and make my models. I may go to up all night, before I do the phone-calls and get it all sorted. Dunno. Actually, perhaps I should go after. I’ll have something to think about then. I’ve got a piece of card to write my inventory on, all the things I have to do and all the places I have to be / go. Yep. That’ll do nicely. I’m not looking forward to
going to Link. God knows what the’ll have lined up for me. I dunno.
I’m going to clean up as soon as Geoff gets back, then I’ll sort out my inventory. I’ll write everything on it and cross ’em off as I do it. I’ll use my visualization Sun night to make sure I do it. I will do it though, no messing. I’m going to look through my guide books to to decide on exactly where I’m going. I will conquer! Yes. I’ll write up all that happened probably Tue morning.
I’ve had some exciting ideas. I’m going to write another book, yes! another! I only have a month to write this one though! I’ll post them all a day before I leave. I’ll put Mum’s address there and ask her to open them as they come. She can put them in my display book. I’ll ring back something like once a fortnight and will wait until I get one. Yes, that’s good. Wow. Next, I dunno. It shouldn’t be too hard to get it done in time, it’s something to do day by day. I must find out what’s happening chinese New year. At Lings AND in London. Oh yea. I was going to write about the
New year. I put the last ribbon on the dolls and popped my last champagne corks, except one. It was quite nice. I took a few photos too. Wow. I enjoyed it really.
I still have to make those clay things yet, and buy the paints. I must also get my last oriental Geisha picture done. Yes, that’s good. God, there’s so much to do. I’ll go and get on with it. I haven’t even finished saying all of it.
Later: Sun. 1:16am Mod=16.
One of the things I was going to say was about that living magically book. One of the techniques in it is called the 33 second technique. What you do is visualise what you want with as much emotion and force that you can muster: for EXACTLY 33 seconds. Then you switch your mind to something completely different. That’s good because it’s like visualisation generally, but shorter. So say you’re going about living your life and suddenly you have a problem. You can think for a while what it would be like to
have this solved and then I’d have my 33 cards. I could set my countdown for 1 minute, think & gather emotion for 27 seconds, then let it all go in an orgasm of pictures and feelings.
[Symbol: Three hand-drawn stars] Another piece of magick that’s worked recently is the computer I asked for. Firstly I got taught to use them at Link, then the other day Geoff said he’s going to buy one for his business and he’d only get one if I’d use it so it was worth the outlay! Well, that worked then! Still if I’m not here I can’t use it but it still worked. Yes!
What else? Dunno. I can’t find that piece of card now. I’ll have to use another. I’ll have a good look when I’ve cleared up.
I meant to get my photos yesterday, but spent all day laying in bed! I’ll do it Monday. That will work out well actually. My box is coming that day aswell so I’ll be able to sort everything aswell. If I either start as soon as I get home or go to bed I should be laughing… haha!
There was one more thing I was going to say about affirmations. When I go to sleep at night I visualise what I want. I shall either wear my rosary/ have it close and when I wake up I will use affirmation that back up the visualisations, or affirmation for each bead of the rosary, plus I shall do it before [Symbol: circled plus sign] into sleep.
Date: Monday 4th January 1993 T.S: 5:57am. M.O.B L-Loungee.
Oh Jesus, I’m almost ready. I’ve been through all the guidebooks and looked at where is a good idea. Apparently it’s easy to get a teaching job in Tailand and also visas and cheap tickets to other places. Once there I could find out from other travellers where the good jobs are. I’ve written down all that I have to do on a correspondence card and little boxes to colour in when I’ve done it. I’ve included just about everything I need to. Ang is there so I’ve only got to go through the card and I’m in.
There are 2 teaching places that look as though they will accept me. They’re only introductory courses but if I got both it wouldn’t be too bad and I’d have my NUQ! Yes!
I am so absolutely terrified though. I keep on imagining it. Bankok full of prostitutes, I’d be constantly depressed, I hate seeing that, it really strikes to my core. I can hear Ann getting up. I think now would be the time to give in and leave it for my magick. Just clarify what EXACTLY I want, cast them in clay and release it. I’ll go to Up All Night to celebrate when I’m done.
I’m not looking forward to going to Link to tell you the truth. I don’t know what I’ll be doing there! I’ll enjoy Up All Night once I get this sorted though. I did my visualising last night so it should work O.K. This is probably years of magick coming to fruition. I dunno what else to say before she comes down. I may have a bath before I go out. I’ll see.
My box should come today.
I feel sweaty all over and I bet you it’s nerves. I am so absolutely frightened / terrified I must keep hold of my faith. I suppose I’m frightened of what could go wrong, I should hang on to my goals. Just know exactly what I want and believe in them. Making them in clay once I’m booked will help.
I remember how when I started E.T. I had the same dreading feeling but that went once I was there, my English Club to too, and that’s the happiest I’ve ever been!
I’m certainly not happy here and if the chips were down I’d rather die over there trying than stagnate here for a lifetime and I think Karmicly that’s best too. I will try then. I know really I’ve no option other than to just go for it.
My book will work out which is something to look forward too. My book is about initiation and conquering life! When it works in the Orient I will have proven it! For each publisher I will choose a different title to fit in with them.
At Link today Mr. ?Duddea I think has no work experience possibly. I hope I’m not the only one. Perhaps they won’t make me stay but will let me go. I could be out by ten. It’s raining today and I’ll really enjoy the heater of the burger bar.
The thought of these clay statues for the magick is keeping me sane. The magick will keep my mind from the negative thoughts it is prone too. Yes. Before I go out I will read that Living Magickally book to churn up the right attitude in me. My negative feelings have desapeared a little now by just thinking of my magick and the philosophy of metaphysics. I must meditate before I go out. I’ve almost finished my cigar. Ann must have gone back to sleep? Right, it will either be tommorrow or wednesday when I update, wish me luck!
[Taped insert: A black and white photocopy of two hands, palms facing up. The hands appear to have ink or dirt on them, highlighting the lines and ridges of the skin. A ring is visible on the ring finger of the right hand.]
Date: Wednesday 6th January 1993. 6.55am
T-10.6 L. Loungue.
I’ve only got 5 minutes till Ann wakes up so I’ll have to be quick. My pens upstairs and by the time I’d got it she would be up.
The day before yesterday I saw a boy from my History class. They made me stay at Link all day Monday and until lunchtime today. I’ve got most of the things done on my list. Today I shall book a ticket! I don’t have to go back until Monday, Link that is. A giro didn’t come and I’m due a full one on Friday the lady said. John Greaves said he fell short aswell.
I think I may have got on most of these courses. I rung up and there is places, one the end of this month in Swansea, the other ends feb the 19th in London, (Ann’s alarm has just gone off, I’ll write until she comes down). I felt so naked when I looked at myself to have the photographs taken. There are only a couple of places to ring up now. Oh my God, At
the courses I’ll have to ring up early and I may turn up early and find somewhere, which is what I’ll be doing when I’m abroad anyway.
I’ll have to get that box sorted out anyway this morning and I’ll ring Mum around ten. I’ll probably have to be out for about midday A ten year passport currently takes about 2 weeks I was told on the phone. Oh my God, this is it Ann’s getting up now. I’ll have to go, wish me luck.
Date: Saturday 9th January 1993
T- 11.58am L-Loungue M4.4.
Mod 19
Geoff’s Given Ann a lift downtown I’ve been doing some of my photography coursework. Alot has happened and much of it strange, well, strange co-incidences and the like; quite remarkable.
Wednesday I think I went to thames, I can’t EXACTLY remember. I booked the tickets for
Monday 22nd February. There may be a problem with the visa but I’ll whine on about that later. I went to see Mum and she looked visibly shocked. It was good having something positive to tell her though. She gave me all my money and I went home, oh yea, there was a Chinese family the other side of the Grille: I couldn’t photograph them. Mum is away alot of the time.
Next I came home and the travel company had written saying, no phoned I mean, please phone back. I did and there wasn’t enough money in my visa. Next I put it in and phoned for an increase but they couldn’t do it because my card is a visa card, student issue! In the evening / afternoon I went to see home alone 2 at the cinema. Next I went home.
Yesterday I walked up to college to collect my English work. In the morning my tickets arrived, well, confirmation of them. I also, in the same post, got that Chinese new year Mug I sent for weeks ago
and had forgotten about! Strange or what!
Anyway, I went up to college for my English work. They didn’t know where it was but a really nice lady took me to the core and showed me the man in charge. He started to take me to the place where it would be and then I mentioned my certificate. He went back and they were putting them in registered post envelopes that very moment! One in a million chance! Wow They give me it then and me and this tutor went to the block because I got an A one of the tutors could have used it as an example. Wow. Anyway he looked everywhere and Rung around and couldn’t find it. Damn. He’s going to phone before the end of next week. Next I went to mum’s and saw her. She gave me £5 worth of Tai Money, offered me a money belt and said she would try and get me some currency, before I go that is. Yea. She’s also
going to get me a currency converter. That’s all beginning to work out rather smoothly. It’s going so well now a definate path is opening up.
Mum was bothered about visa requirements. You need a ticket out, but in practice I think if you show $500 for a 60 day visa you will be alright. I’ll check. I’ll have to apply for a visa too. Yes!.
I’m going to the doctor on tuesday, it says on my confirmation what the recommended vaccinations are. I’ll show him and ask him to “do” me for Asia generally as I may move on. (Geoff’s just come back, still, 12:51pm. I got a good run!).
I think he’s going out again. Everytime I get mad here now I feel excited too. He’s going at 1:10.
I was going to say that the magic will be much harder. That 1st course runs over Chinese New Year, which is awkward. The letter came from that course today I haven’t opened it yet. It came with a leaflet from Language course! which also does Thai
language! I wrote for info to them when I was 17 when I was thinking of going to Brazil, it said we know you are interested in learning Portuguese! Anyway, the magick, I still have to do 1 picture and the clay things.
Date: Sunday 10th January 1992
T-6:27pm L-At Burger King M-2-8
I had to come downhere because Ann told me thismorning that the kids were coming: but I had a feeling they were anyway. Geoff had to go up Mum’s so he gave me a lift up the centre.
That Jessica from school and Chinese New Year was there, with her Mother or someone. Those two are a laugh. Every time you’re there they talk about you and think you can’t hear. Jessica told that woman she went to school with me and I used to go to Tesco’s on my own. Then she said “he’s weird”.
I walked up through Abbey park. Oh Yes! I saw John McCat from Piggetts class in Tesco, from school. He
was a friend of Jason Pikes.
Anyway, I was nearly wetting myself so I had to go up to the toilets at the park. I then went to the busstation cafe and walked around, next I shall go to the cinema. That’s at 7:45 and 8:00 start.
I’m starting to get short of money soon but that will turn up O.K.
I opened the letter from Farnham. It’s a letter informing me I’ve been accepted on the second course. That’s something I suppose. Oh wow. There’s a bloke just sat infront of me who was in the bus station! I bet he’s like me, still, at least I’m getting out.
I’ve been looking for a language course I can buy but I ain’t come across it yet, still, it will turn up.
I made some more notes for my book in Tesco’s. I’ll start writing it too. I’ll have to get some photo ideas sorted. I’ll make sure they’re good this time and will put them in proper slide wallets.
Dunno what else to say. There’s so much to do.
This book I’m writing now is
really exciting. It’s the one I started writing well, that black diary I started on my 21st, all the thoughts that came to me then. A while ago I’ve got so absolutely desperate and suddenly I was shown reality, it had always been infront of me but I suddenly saw it’s truth. Yes! Anyway, all I’ve learnt and am putting into practice is in this book. After this one I shall wright the one with all the photos in about my rituals. That is the book I was born to write. Lets hope I do it soon. No! what the hell am I saying! I WILL do it soon.
I didn’t tell you about saturday did I?. I went to buy some files and file bits from Boots and saw that girl from collage / B.H.S in there. She was with her mother. At least I think it was her. It may have been her sister, if she has a sister! I think it was her mate. The thing is I’ve never seen them
together, but they do look different though, oh, I don’t know how many there are. Whatever.
In the bus station I was thinking about what I’ll first do when I get to Thailand. I’m going to buy a couple of really fat cigars to smoke. I’ll have one when I first arrive in the hotel. I hope it has a balcony. The second I’ll smoke in the morning when I wake up. Just think how it will be smoking that cigar looking out over Bankok thinking all my thoughts.
I was also thinking about the chemists there. You may not need prescriptions there. You may be able to buy anything you want so I could just show them my diazepam and ask for some more, then I could really ?buy out. Shit!
There’s a bloke sweeping up around me now, the whole place is full of my cigar smoke, that makes me feel really guilty. still I did open a piece and have one
ashtrays.
I’d better be off anyway. I’m looking forward to this now. God, like tea with diazapam would be so cozy, getting washing jobs and everything!
A couple of female looked at me + shared “ooooooh”. Very strange. Right, I’m off – later.
Date: Thursday 14th January 1992
T- 12:09am M- 0.7 L- Loungue.
(41)
Something I can’t read about cleaning.
I was swimming in the ocean and was slightly frightened of something.
(42)
Ann was at Mum’s house and Mum came in.
Geoff looked at some notches on my barclaycard and asked if the PIN number was 1636 and I told him no, that was for my other cards.
I was helping lots of cripples into a bus. One of them was called Andrew. When the bus drove off I sat at the front and pushed branches out of it’s way as it drove along. We stopped at a garage and I saw a couple with a flower get into a car piled high with flowers who had just got married drive off.
I walked up an alley collecting millions of dead leaves. I realised it was MATCHES that started fires, not leaves. A large lorry sped by trying to collect catch vandals. Next they sprayed the road with chemicals, it was right. Next I came back to my panda car by my bed. In a bag there were some pills and a childs shoes. I had accidentally sat on them and they were squashed. I told the Sargent I didn’t need them now.
INTERPRETATION- (41)- Life.
(42) – Barclaycard, refering to my planned trip and it’s financing, but mainly to the trip itself. The cripples is me, why Andrew I dunno.
I am crippled. Pushing stuff out the way is pushing my obstacles out the way. The garage is out on the trip, married to a new life. Sweeping dead leaves is sweeping out my old personality. Matches starting fire is positive action and self-responsibility. Catching vandals- dunno, nor chemicals. The bed is my death bed and shoes shows not being able to break with my suicidal past. Squashed pills is an exhortation to leave suicide behind, or telling me I won’t need the thought when I get out there.
12:49 am- Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! I’m afraid it’s not been very good. I went back to Link Monday and she wasn’t very happy I hadn’t gone for the interview.
Tuesday I went to the doctors. He was surprised. He said there was a lot of aids there and I would need a condom for intercourse! I went to Link and showed the letter. I can only do level one. At the doctors, I have to go back today with my vaccines. I did see the nurse tues but I got to ring and you have to collect the stuff yourself.
Yesterday I went to Mum’s. Oh yes, I saw Mr tuesday + went to Alan Green’s house to get my photography form signed. He was waiting for his dinner and hung on to his my folder.
Yesterday I was so depressed. I hardly spoke at Mums, then walked the centre. Walking into town it was so absolutely freezing, and I was so sad. I ate my dinner walking round the market square and went to the library. I cried on the way home. I should write up more but I’m tired, BED TIME!
Date: Sunday 17th January 1992 T- 1:23pm
(43)
I was in B.H.S. and a man told me he couldn’t find my English work. I went outside and B.H.S. was being demolished. All around was new, plesent landscape scenery and some rocks. I took a photo of the distant view and then pictures of a girl peeping out from inbetween rocks.
Interpretation- (43) English work is probably an indication it is lost now. B.H.S. being demolished probably means I either won’t go there again or much longer anyway. The landscape and photos just shows new pastures I suppose.
Later: 11:57pm M- 0.4.
I was going to write this morning but Geoff got up at 4pm! and he stayed up all day; in the house. I went out + walked all around town all night in the freezing cold so my hands were like ice without buying or going anywhere/thing.
I forgot to say a few things. The other day on the way back from town I saw Codd (Robert) + told him I was going away. Friday I was up late but went to Link and finished my work. Jill told me susan didn’t want to do work experience because she was to shy to go
capital probably only do least One.
I saw Mr. Duden + Jenny who were there collecting their money. Jenny said she’s working at the theatre and really enjoying it. I told them I was going away and Jenny said she has a friend from Singapore who goes to Thailand because they love it, but you have to be careful because – ? I couldn’t catch the rest.
I went out to the bank and saw Steven Burton !. I went to Middle + Upper school with him. He was working with some other kid. The other boy obviously knew me because he shouted “Omar”, a reference to when I was Sharif, but I couldn’t place him. Steven said “God look at him, he’s smartened up ‘ain’t he !”. Well, I suppose that’s a compliment.
I carried on up and saw Mum. We couldn’t stay for very long because _crossed out: we_ _crossed out: were_ [inserted above: she was] meeting Brian. I told her I only had till two because I didn’t know I would have finished all my work. Jill had been ill and was on the phone when I left so I didn’t have time to say goodbye.
We went to open a bankaccount but I had no ID with Burrows Court on so they wouldn’t let us. Next I did all the phonecalls. I rung Trailfinders to confirm payment + Barclaycard. Barclaycard said I couldn’t have a mastercard because I was still a student! I rung YHA + they’re sending joining information now, + Mum’s. I rang the Vietnamese Refugee Association and a man told me there was no celebration this year. Lastly I rang the Thai Embassy in London and a woman told me I don’t need to show a return ticket to get a Visa. Next I went to the Friary and came home. Ann was leaving. Next door * Louise brought home to stay this woman who is a missionary who has travelled all over Asia!
[Taped insert: TENOVUS FIGHTS CANCER 50p scratchcard. Visible text includes “WIN A CAR OR £5,000 CASH”, “CASH MATCH £1000”, “777 = CAR”, “21 PAYS £1000”, “VIDEOS – MICROWAVES £1000 PRIZES”]
[Taped insert: Photocopy of two hands, palms up. Handwritten text at bottom: “MY HANDS 9.9.91.”]
Date Tuesday 19th January 1993 T-1:00
M-1.0 L-Lounge
(44)
I was in a port + tangled up in wires trying to climb down into a ship. I was slightly frightened. When I eventually made it I was in my bath, but tangled in the wires. Somebody helped me down who sat there. I had my book published and said I would send them a copy.
INTERPRETATION – (44) Tangled in a port trying to climb into a ship is me being mixed up and trying to travel. The bath is because I still don’t have my hair sorted. The book is another thing I haven’t yet sorted.
******* LAST MATCH ******
[Taped insert: Typed letter on letterhead]
[Logo: house with arrows circling it] SURREY LANGUAGE CENTRES
SURREY TRANSLATION BUREAU
39 West Street, Farnham, Surrey GU9 7DR Tel: (0252) 723494 Fax: (0252) 733519 Telex: 859859 SULANG G
19 November 1992
Dear [blurred]
Further to your enquiry, I am pleased to enclose details of the ONE-WEEK INTRODUCTORY TEFL COURSE which we offer regularly on a monthly basis at our Centre in Farnham.
The course is very much practice oriented and is suitable mainly for those who are considering taking up a career in Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) and would like to find out what knowledge and practical skills this would involve before committing themselves to a full training course. It will make you qualified for a job with quite a few Summer Schools in the U.K. as well as some English language schools overseas.
We are a British Council recognised school and we have been running INTRODUCTORY COURSES in TEFL with great success for several years now. Many of our previous participants have gone on to find satisfying careers in TEFL in Britain and throughout the world.
I am convinced that you will find the course most informative and full of practical value as well as fun!
Please let me know if you have any further queries.
Yours sincerely
E Toncheva
Elizabeth Toncheva
Principal
Surrey Language Training Ltd.
Directors: J.E. Cooke, E. Koblietz
Registered Office: Sandford House,
39 West Street, Farnham, Surrey GU9 7DR
Registered in England No. 2622664
[Taped insert: Two greeting cards. Top card has a candle and holly design. Bottom card features a snowman holding a drink and a bottle.]
Happy New Year…
[Taped insert: Handwritten note]
Dear [blurred]
Sorry I bought this in the summer –
Remember?
luv Mum + Brian xx
[Taped insert: Inside of a greeting card]
To [blurred]
…may your
ice-cubes
never melt!
With lots of love
_from_ Mum.
xx
[Taped insert: Printed TEFL brochure]
T E F L
TEACHING
N
G
L as a
I
S L
H A
FOREIGN
G
U
A
G
E
[Logo: stylized house]
300 Gloucester Road
Bristol BS7 8PD
Tel: 0272-429142
[Image: Dark photocopy texture, no text visible]
[Image: Photocopy of two hands, palms facing up. No text visible]
[left margin, written vertically: ? ?Ref]
LINK
TRAINING
Dear Sir/Madam,
Jan92/Jan93
This is to confirm that J. Lipton attended our training course between the dates above mentioned. He attended straight from a college course from where he was recommended to us.
The course attended was in teaching/business administion and Jay achived the highest possible certificate available from us. He average grades were the highest of not only his class but also the year.
Jay is a hard-working and honest individual. During the course he consistently showed himself to be helpful and sensitive to other needs. Throughout the course he was punctual and professional in his approach and completed the work within the required deadline and far above the minimum standard.
A large part of the course was spent on teaching other new students who were on a simpler course and Jay was extremely good at presenting information to a class in a clear and concise way that was understood by all the students. His lessons were ordered and very well prepared and I would especially have no hesitation in recommending him to a teaching post.
He is a person who prefers to commence with his work without complaining and often showed immense incitive in dealing with everyday mishaps and problems that would have thrown lesser students.
Jay has also learned all aspects of business administration/Management and in this also received our highest certificate possible.
Although he often begins with a quiet start and appears as a loner he soon gains his confidence and gains the respect of students/colleagues.
Altogether Jay is an excellent employee/student and I am sure he will excel in any field he applies himself to. At Link Training we have no hesitation in recommending one of the highest achieving students to ever pass through our institution
________________________________________________________________________
The LINK Organisation plc registered in England No. 1718876 VAT No. 392 4885 09
Registered Office Eastham Hall, Eastham Village Road, Eastham, Wirral, L62 0AF
A member of the CRT Group
A PAXO PRODUCTION….
THE
Sunday
Roast.
12-3PM
HOUSE AND GARAGE TUNEZ
PLUS CHEAP DRINKS: EVERY SUN:
DJ’S JOE FLANAGAN AND MARCUS:
AT THE PLOUGH FARNHAM.
[Drawing: A roast chicken sitting on a DJ turntable]
THE
SUNDAY
ROAST
HOUSE & GARAGE GROOVES
EVERY SUNDAY AFTERNOON
12-3.00
AT THE PLOUGH FARNHAM
A PAXO PRODUCTION
[right margin, cut off typed text from page underneath: ice / g ta / (TE / ski / tr / a f / scho / cog / in / pr / TE / in / l a / an]
[Taped insert: Typed letter on letterhead]
[Logo: house with arrows circling it] SURREY LANGUAGE CENTRES
SURREY TRANSLATION BUREAU
39 West Street, Farnham, Surrey GU9 7DR Tel: (0252) 723494 Fax: (0252) 733519 Telex: 859859 SULANG G
19 November 1992
Dear [blurred]
Further to your enquiry, I am pleased to enclose details of the ONE-WEEK INTRODUCTORY TEFL COURSE which we offer regularly on a monthly basis at our Centre in Farnham.
The course is very much practice oriented and is suitable mainly for those who are considering taking up a career in Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) and would like to find out what knowledge and practical skills this would involve before committing themselves to a full training course. It will make you qualified for a job with quite a few Summer Schools in the U.K. as well as some English language schools overseas.
We are a British Council recognised school and we have been running INTRODUCTORY COURSES in TEFL with great success for several years now. Many of our previous participants have gone on to find satisfying careers in TEFL in Britain and throughout the world.
I am convinced that you will find the course most informative and full of practical value as well as fun!
Please let me know if you have any further queries.
Yours sincerely
E Toncheva
Elizabeth Toncheva
Principal
Surrey Language Training Ltd.
Directors: J.E. Cooke, E. Koblietz
Registered Office: Sandford House,
39 West Street, Farnham, Surrey GU9 7DR
Registered in England No. 2622664
[Taped insert: Two greeting cards. Top card has a candle and holly design. Bottom card features a snowman holding a drink and a bottle.]
Happy New Year…
[Taped insert: Handwritten note]
Dear [blurred]
Sorry I bought this in the summer –
Remember?
luv Mum + Brian xx
[Taped insert: Inside of a greeting card]
To [blurred]
…may your
ice-cubes
never melt!
With lots of love
_from_ Mum.
xx
[Taped insert: Printed TEFL brochure]
T E F L
TEACHING
N
G
L as a
I
S L
H A
FOREIGN
G
U
A
G
E
[Logo: stylized house]
300 Gloucester Road
Bristol BS7 8PD
Tel: 0272-429142
[Taped insert: Typed letter from Barclaycard]
Direct Line
0604 252827
13 January 1993
HBM/W105/MW
BARCLAYCARD
Dept H, Northampton NN1 1SG
Telephone 0604 234234
Telex 312101 Answerback CRSDHD G
Telegraphic Address Barclaycard
Northampton Telex
Dear Mr
Thank you for your recent application for a Barclaycard MasterCard.
We would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your interest in the Barclaycard MasterCard. Unfortunately we cannot accommodate your request for a Barclaycard MasterCard whilst you are a student.
However, we would be happy to reconsider a Barclaycard MasterCard application from you once you have graduated.
I look forward to hearing from you then.
Yours sincerely
S M Fitzgerald
MANAGER
VISA MasterCard
Barclays Bank PLC.
Registered in England No. 1026167
Registered Office:
54 Lombard Street, London EC3P 3AH
Member of IMRO
[Taped insert: Typed letter from TEFL training]
TEFL training
Tel:(0272)429142 300 Gloucester Road, Bristol BS7 8PD, England Fax:(0272)429142
Dear Enquirer,
Thank you for contacting us to ask for details of our Introductory Certificate in TEFL Course, training to teach English as a foreign language.
The enclosed brochure should answer a lot of the questions you may have been wanting to ask about TEFL. If there are any other questions you would like answered, please do not hesitate to contact us.
There is a constant demand for teachers of English and for those who are coming new to TEFL, the Introductory Certificate course can be of great assistance in landing that first job overseas. It is also the ideal route to the next stage certificate and diploma courses.
To register for the course, please use the enclosed registration form. If you are thinking of attending please book as early as possible. If however, there is only a short time before the start of a course you would like to attend, please telephone us as we may have a remaining vacancy or cancellation.
A list of the remaining 1992 courses are printed overleaf.
Thank you for your interest in our courses and I look forward to hearing from you and welcoming you to our OPEN UP A TEACHER weekend.
Yours sincerely,
Judy Kay
Course Secretary
[Taped insert: Printed itinerary from Trailfinders]
TRAILFINDERS
THE TRAVEL EXPERTS
42-50 Earls Court Road Kensington London W8 6FT
Long Haul Flights 071-938 3366 European and Transatlantic Flights 071-937 5400
002 V 22FEB LHR BKK 1215 0640+1 OK 06JAN ON REQUEST 289.00
Hotel THE BOULEVARD BKK on 23FEB 78.00
Accom.: 1 SINGLE ROOM for 2 nights
YOUR TICKETS WILL BE SENT OUT APPROXIMATELY 10DAYS BEFORE DEPARTURE.
PLEASE CHECK THAT YOUR NAME ON THIS BOOKING FORM IS SPELT IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS ON YOUR PASSPORT. THANK YOU.
DUE TO IMMIGRATION REQUIREMENTS IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU PURCHASE AN ONWARD OR RETURN TICKET BEFORE COMMENCING YOUR JOURNEY.
WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU PURCHASE YOUR ONWARD/RETURN TICKETS BEFORE LEAVING THE UK. TRAILFINDERS ARE UNABLE TO SELL OR FORWARD TICKETS TO PASSENGERS WHO HAVE ALREADY LEFT THE UK.
BKK 25% Non-Refundable. Fixed dates.
Insurance taken out at the time of booking strongly recommended.
TOTAL (B AND C/E) 367.00
BOOKING DEPOSIT (PLUS INSURANCE IF APPLICABLE) 60.00
BALANCE DUE 307.00
RECOMMENDED IMMUNISATION JAP B ENCEPH
HEPATITIS
POLIO TETANUS TYPHOID MALARIA
FINAL PAYMENT DUE NOT LATER THAN REMINDERS WILL NOT BE SENT 15JAN93
CHECK ALL DETAILS OF YOUR TRAVEL DOCUMENTS BEFORE LEAVING THE U.K. IF THERE ARE ANY QUERIES CONTACT TRAILFINDERS IMMEDIATELY.
DAY OPENING (1000-1400) IS FOR TELESALES ONLY, TICKET COLLECTION DEPARTMENT IS CLOSED
CONSULTANT 3RT (ROB)
BOOKING NO 313165
METHODS OF PAYMENT:
1. PERSONAL (AND COMPANY) CHEQUES: Payment for travel arrangements may be made by personal or company cheque. Cheques should be made payable to TRAILFINDERS LTD. Please note, however, that we require 8 WORKING DAYS FOR CHEQUE CLEARANCE before tickets can be issued. It is therefore advisable to confirm with Trailfinders that there is sufficient time between cheque payment and any ticketing deadline. For urgent ticketing we can usually arrange special clearances within 48 hours. Please add £20 to cover this special clearance service. Foreign currency cheques are not acceptable.
2. BANK AND BUILDING SOCIETY DRAFTS: These are treated as cash if received at a time when the relevant bank or building society is open and able to verify the cheque, i.e., before 4 pm weekdays, or 12 pm on a Saturday.
3. CASH: Please note we advise clients not to post cash to us.
4. CREDIT CARDS: Payment may be made by Barclaycard Visa, Access Mastercard and Connect and you may pay over the telephone. Please quote your CARD NUMBER, CARD EXPIRY DATE, NAME AS PRINTED ON CARD, ADDRESS TO WHICH CARD IS REGISTERED, and AMOUNT to be deducted. If the credit card is in a name other than that of the person travelling then we require written authorisation by fax/mail from the card-holder.
All payments sent to Trailfinders should be accompanied by the passenger’s name and booking number.
IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR BOOKING CONDITIONS (YOUR CONTRACT WITH TRAILFINDERS) AS SHOWN ON THE REVERSE SIDE OF THIS FORM.
[Handwritten list in blue ink with red borders and shading]
TEACHING ENGLISH ABROAD – SUSAN GRIFFITH – VACATION WORK – 0865 241978 [Symbol: blue box]
NATIONAL SAVINGS – FIRST OPTION BONDS. SALES INFORMATION UNIT 0800 868 700 – IF NOT 0800 833 833 [Symbol: blue box]
PARCEL FORCE – MONDAY – 493 407 [Symbol: red shading]
POLICE 700 700 [Symbol: blue box]
MUM POSTCODE – 413804 [Symbol: blue box]
SEND ?DULG WITH CHEQUE NO + POSTCODE [Symbol: red shading]
YASMINE DEWISON – FOR NEW 785797 [Symbol: blue box]
MUM WORK IF NOT IN (POSTCODE) 404691 [Symbol: blue box]
POST OFFICE For Passport Form [Symbol: blue box]
Peterborough Passport office 0733 895555 [Symbol: blue box]
Paints – White – Red – Black – blue Pink YELLOW [Symbol: red shading]
BANDAGE [Symbol: red shading]
PHOTOGRAPHY – ALAN GREEN – 31828 [Symbol: blue box]
BOOK FROM POST OFFICE – WRITING PAINTING BRUSH [Symbol: red shading]
STAMP/ADDRESS/SEND VISA APPLICATION [Symbol: blue box]
PAY VISA + CHANGE ADDRESS [Symbol: blue box]
PICK FILMS UP 3 [Symbol: red shading]
LINGS FORUM – NEW YEAR 402933/402 [Symbol: blue box]
Building Soc – Leeds – For account leaflet [Symbol: blue box]
RING LANGUAGE SCHOOLS [Symbol: red shading]
4 STAMPS FROM POST OFFICE [Symbol: red shading]
PHOTOGRAPH ALBUM [Symbol: red shading]
DENTISTS – 38815 [Symbol: red shading]
DOCTORS 31952 [Symbol: red shading]
COLLEGE 403322 / 401100 [Symbol: red shading]
TRAILFINDERS [Symbol: red shading]
T071- 938 – 3366 [Symbol: red shading]
BUY TIME OUT [Symbol: red shading]
STA TRAVEL [Symbol: red shading]
[Symbol: red star] KEY = [Symbol: blue box] = Done [Symbol: blue box with D] = Done No Reply X = MORE ACTION
[Taped insert: Printed sewing kit instructions]
Quick ‘n’ Easy Sewing Kit
This kit contains fur fabric and felt already cut into shapes, together with accessories and easy to follow instructions for making the character.
[Image: A fluffy black and white penguin chick with a red beak and red webbed feet]
REDDICRAFT
PENGUIN 50102 (C) CE
3 1/2″ (9.0cm) high x 3″ (7.5cm) wide
REDDICRAFT, REDDITCH, ENGLAND
[Taped insert: TSB brochure. Text reads: Savings & Investments / Flexible Savings Account / EASY ACCESS / High interest / 24 hour access to your savings / Immediate withdrawals without loss of interest / TSB]
[Taped insert: American Express brochure. Text reads: Customer guide / …including 24 hour Refund & Express Helpline Card / WORLD SERVICE / American Express Travellers Cheques / A CENTURY OF SERVICE WORLDWIDE 1891-1991]
[Taped insert: Burger King Cinderella promotion. Text reads: FREE HAMBURGER MEAL for the kids WITH ANY ADULT MEAL PURCHASE AT BURGER KING WITH YOUR VOUCHER FROM INSIDE WALT DISNEY CLASSICS Cinderella VIDEO PACK / Get your free Hamburger meal voucher, for the kids, from Burger King (when accompanied by an adult purchasing any adult meal), when you buy Walt Disney’s Classic Cinderella video. / There is a free “Hamburger meal for the kids” voucher inside all Walt Disney’s Cinderella videos. Each free “Hamburger meal for the kids” consists of one kids hamburger or cheese-burger, small fries and kids soft drink (meal excludes toy). / OFFER CLOSES 31.3.93 / NOW AVAILABLE ON VIDEO / See voucher in video pack for full offer details and conditions. / Cinderella WALT DISNEY CLASSICS / The timeless story of Cinderella remains one of Walt Disney’s finest animated achievements of all time. Burdened with endless chores, Cinderella holds fast to dreams of someday escaping her drudgery. With help from her small friends Jaq and Gus, a fairy Godmother and some “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo” from a magical wand, Cinderella’s breathtaking triumph is the original “rags to riches” story that provides unparalleled, everlasting entertainment. Brilliantly told through romance, fantasy and Oscar nominated music, Cinderella is a classic adventure for one and all.]
Date: Friday 22nd January 1993 T- 10:54pm
M- 1.8 L- Loungue. 1 Month to go!
(45)
I was in a room that was like school. I had a filing cabinet and had lost the keys to it. Somebody wanted it open so we did. I found a few bits of mine and a piece of jewelry that wasn’t. I arrived with Geoff in Thailand. I walked up a hill to take a picture. At the top of the hill I looked at a most beautiful waterfall. I felt really embarrased, taking a picture, but when I tried I almost lost my balance and couldn’t. I walked on and came to a lake where people were swimming. I came to a more crowded / built up area. There was an ambulance trying to get out of a hanger. There was a number 8 painted on the floor. As it went through some water somebody said it was too heavy and would slip but it was O.K. ||
It was New Year. I was still in the Orient in a place where everybody was working on computers. I could see people looking down into a stadium nearby taking photo graphs. Everybody said they were going home but they weren’t allowed to. I woke up hearing Geoff banging on the door saying it’s only 8’0′ clock. In reality it was 1:30pm. Geoff hadn’t knocked at all, he was downstairs watching T.V. That was the second 8 in the dream.
INTERPRETATION – (45) – The filing cabinet is the one that I lost the keys to in the burghary. Nothing in there is, because I’ve emptied it now. The jewelry is the necklace I’m thinking of buying, well, will buy. In Thailand is obviously when I go. Up a hill is the struggle to get there. Being embarrased is just literal, showing how shy I am. Losing my balance is wondering weather I’ll be able to cope. The lake is watching people having fun. The ambulance backing out shows me trying to heal my heart. Next the number 8 refers to the infinity symbol I have in that heart I made with my magics in the summer and have just stitched up. (∞). Going through water and almost slipping is me wondering weather I’ll be able to cope. Next the new year, I dunno, it just shows me being out in Asia I think. Not being able to go home shows I won’t be able to when I’m there. I dunno if that’s supposed to be good or bad.
Med 19 – 18 – 16 – 14 – 14 – 14 – 10 Very Good.
12
Date: Tuesday 26th January 1992 T- 2.24am
L- Mum’s Kitchen M- 0.5
(46)
I had some anti-depressants + was going to overdose on them.
INTERPRETATION (46) watch this space!
Right, where shall I start? I think it was Friday, I was in circle K and saw Lyn Warner. a deaf girl who was in the
“special” class with me at school.
The whole week Ann was away I near enough completely wasted. I practically slept through it all and didn’t spend a day in the house. I did buy I new dial yet to the hair dressers.
Geoff had a go at me for not doing the rubbish properly. I put it in a new bag instead of filling another. A while later, well, another day he asked me if everything was O.K! He noticed I seemed really couldn’t care less about the house, was I O.K? Ah! that’s really touching My plan is obviously showing then.
Sunday I got ready and left early. The train to Euston is about £12 now! Still, that’s not too bad I suppose. It was lovely going down. I really enjoy sitting on the train. I got int London about 10 am. I walked about for a bit and bought my travel card. I couldn’t find anywhere that sold fast film, the best I could do was 200 asa. I used that all day. I got a burger and went to Hyde Park. I sat on a bench right
near the road and ate it. Those pigeons are really cocky, they walked almost onto me! I next walked around. I sat near the boating place and it was so windy my lens back cap flew away, but an American gave it back to me. Bless! I got a few photographs. Next I walked right round, but did I take many more photos I was too shy.
As you walk round Kensington gardens, coming up to the statue of a kind of elf person there’s a bench. I only mention it because it’s right underneath a tree all on it’s own and it’s design is different to the others it’s sort of curly! I remember sitting there on my Birthday.
I left Hyde park via Oxford street, looking for film. Somehow I accidentally ended up in Gerrard Street. There were a few stalls there. I went and drank a coke in Soho Gardens. That was nice. Back in Gerrard street everybody was throwing those little things that bang when they hit the floor
to frighten ghosts. Chinese dragons were going round each shop and where what looked like a cauliflower hung it would stop and dance. Eat the vegetable and spit it out. I got some photos. It was so packed there. Outside one shop as I walked off a foreign woman shouted for me to stop. My bag had got caught on her scarf and we were tied together! It took us a while to get untied but she laughed anyway! Right near there the dragon had stopped infront of me and spat vegetable nearly hitting me.
I forgot to say, on the way back from Soho Gardens I saw a sign well sticker, stuck on wall, stuck all over really, it said, _have Faith_. I heard all the fire crackers going off I looked at the stalls and kept walking I’m not sure how, but I ended up in Leicester square. There was a marquee/stage with performances in Chinese on. Ah! I was REALLY depressed then. I went close to the stage and photographed the actors, and some people mock up as chinese monarchs, I think. The old man fell over at one point. I remembered it was right near there one day when
I was on Radio One. I went to Burgerking on the corner, bought some coke and sat on the benches and drank it. I went back to Euston and had another drink. It was dark by then. I went back to Hyde park and went all the way up to Patter Pan talking to myself, clutching the dolls. I got to the bridge, took a couple of photos and threw them off, took a couple more and walked back. I went toilet there amongst very strange men. I went back to Leicester square. I forgot to say. I went in a Virgin record store in Oxford st. and got Rubber Soul by the beatles! on tape. Yes. Also I went in Guiness world records I think in oxford st. and went in a really noisy arcade. Back at leister square the stage was being dismantled and I went back to Euston. From there I came home and played my tape. Yes.
I got up early yesterday morning and finally, after a year and a half, looked in the mirror. I can’t beleive how awful I look. Absolutely crap. I couldn’t face the hairdressers
Damn. Oh well. After New Year and then facing up to myself it just about pushed me over the edge. I walked round completely suicidal. I came straight to the centre, then to Mull’s. Damn, I felt awful. I didn’t intend to stay, but I went to sleep in my old room. I remembered there how everything began. I fell asleep. When I woke up that woman had bugs in to turn the lights on.
God I can’t explain how depressed I feel. Maybe it’s the sour of the magick, I dunno. It’s strange I should feel like this as the doll magick comes to an end. I’m not really sure what else to say. Now my magick is finishing and ready to come to fruition I’m not sure I want to live no matter what.
At 16 past Jessica the woman gave me the wrong form. I shall have to go and ask. I really am so depressed. I can’t put words to it. Just the feeling it’s all to late and I don’t want to live.
Oh I dunno what to say, or do! My faith is lacking. With the magick done I should be feeling as if but I’m failing I think to manifest magick you have to pass through pain. That’s too much now.
I’ll have to get ready now, then I go. I’ll have to go up to Ann’s to shave. Perhaps I’ll finish the magick by throwing the models I have left. Whether I live or die my magick will follow me so perhaps I’ll have faith in the ultimate. Blessed be.
Date: Friday 29th January 1993 T-12:10pm
M- 0.4 L-12 Mum’s Kitchen.
(47)
Mum came home early and went to bed so I had to clear up quickly.
I was in a supermarket buying stuff and every time I picked something up I noticed the packaging was torn so I didn’t buy anything.
INTERPRETATION – (47) The first bit is because I thought the neighbours was Mum coming home.
The other bit is because now the magick is over I have my goals, as good as, I don’t know what I want, that’s the main cause of my depression now. Now my goals are coming I have to give up the idea of suicide, which I’ve had ever since I remember. Also, are they’re all in my palm, what will I do day to day? What shall become of me? Do I want my books published, own business, house ect. Can I live for 50 years doing that? I’ll probably settle in once I’m away. I hope so. Oh dear. I realised today, I really only have a fortnight left here. I’ll have to give this alot of thought later. I’m going up to Ann’s now. I never finished writing up what happened recently, perhaps I will later when I get back. We’ll see.
Date: Monday 1st February 1993. T: 1:36pm.
Mum’s not back ’till tommorow so I’m just cleaning up before I go. I’ve only one cigar left so it won’t be long.
I never finished talking about when I got back, from London that is. I went downtown and as coincidence would have it, saw Yov from photography, the only chinese / Oriental boy I know. Strange.
[Symbol: Five-pointed star] Before I left Ann said when she gets the Insurance cheque she’ll buy me a CD player! I stuck that all over my magick box when I did the dolls! I did magick. Wow. It’s no good now because I’m going but strange. Also I stuck pictures of computers there but and lo and behold Geoff said he’ll buy me one! Wow! That’s no good also. Strange. These little bits of magick that are working out are things I’ve let go of. Theres a lesson there.
[Symbol: Two five-pointed stars] A REALLY weird thing happened as I was falling asleep last night. I was in the borderline between wake and sleep, I had been visualising but I think I was just daydreaming about like when I felt a ball, about the size of a steel [inserted above: ball] or tennis ball and weight, hit the temple of my head, and enter in my skull and it felt like it had landed in my brain. It hit me with such force I thought there was someone in the room who had thrown it at me, slamming it into my skull. I immediatley jumped up and switched the telly on. There was nobody, and no ball, I’ve never known anything like it, very strange. I’ve thought about the hell it was? I wonder did the doll magick I’ve just setting here that when I visualise a beam of power coming from the dolls and entering me, and my goals, thus us acting as magnets for each other. Perhaps it’s something to do with that? Anyway, it’s the strongest experience I’ve ever had.
_ x _
I went to tesco’s the other day, friday I think, and saw Matthew Topp working there. He told me he’s almost finished his course and I told him I was going. It was nice to see him again. We only spoke for a while because he was working.
Yesterday I went up to the shop and on the way back through the subway near school where I used to walk home I saw Darren Tierney. I was glad I knew I’d see him before I left. We had a chat and I took some photos and I came home. He called round as I was cooking my dinner. He sat for a while and we talked of old times. I told him I was going too. Next he said he was going to buy some speed, but he’d come back later. He did and he gave me some as a gift. We’re going to meet on the 12th Feb which is the friday before I go on my course. He gets paid then and we’ll go up the sporran, for a goodbye drink. That’s the day I go for my injections so I hope I’m not to ill. Darren works now for a flower company on night-shift, packing flowers. He had gone to see his girlfriend and split up with her, yesterday he split up with her that is. He told me Jason Spatcher got a false eye put in and is now on remand for burglary.
Med 12-12 – I missed – 12.
Later – 3:07pm. I’m mostly done now. I’ll go up to the centre soon and perhaps Tesco’s café, we’ll see.
I’ve been thinking about the time I have left.
Perhaps Ann will go away on
Friday? Dunno. She’ll only have been back two weeks, but stranger things have happened. That would be GREAT if she did, that would be only 4 days left with her! She’s more likely to go on the 12th. Damn and double damn. She may even time it so we’re away the same time and comes back the evening before I go. I dunno what’s going to happen. I’m not sure when I should tell her, obviously Geoff has to be there. Maybe the saturday before the course, that way I can get the last photos. I could do it the saturday before I go. Dunno!…… Geoff may come up the sunday though. The only thing I can really do is plan it when I look at her calender so I know what she’s doing. Yes, that’s best. Right, now what. When I’m on the course I’m going to try and come back Friday, that way the whole of Saturday is mine. I’ll probably have to get a film done in an hour.
I never got round to checking the models, the ones that went with the dolls. I’ll do it the 12th and my dinner can be a celebration. Bugs, (forgot to say), I think the bear
Brian’s Radio.
I must make an arrangement to see Yasmine before I go. We could perhaps meet out somewhere. Maybe go to a pub or perhaps it should be her house. When I’ve sorted that I’ll have done everybody.
I’m a bit short of money and I hope Mum gives me £100.
I’ll have to wait when Ann goes out and I can have my last Kentucky. I must go up Kingsthorpe to say goodbye to the oxfam people. I saw Liz but that was before I had made my arrangements. I’ll probably go to up all night one last time, I’ll do all this saying goodbye next week, my last real week here. Jesus, I must get on with the book.
Date: Saturday 6th February 1993 T. 1-20am
L- Ann’s Lounge Mood 3.4.
(48)
I was watching a video taken ages ago when I was at the 1991 Reading Rock Festival. I bought a T-Shirt.
I was in a police cell with something considered a lethal weapon.
I was back at school talking to Julia Wincard; I gave Amabel Wheeler a present. Sarah Denison was there playing with a toy mountain with little figures in. They all moved through underground tunnels lined with spectacles and it took a week.
(49)
I was with Mum gambling on a bell fruit machine. When the reels stopped I was only one away from the jackpot.
I was on holiday with a party but only I had found my hotel. I was in the doorway in darkness. Somebody was with me eating hamburgers. I concentrated on the multitude of fat that was dripping from them.
INTERPRETATION – (48) – Reading is me reminiscing. Police, dunno. perhaps me trapped at home but with the occult as my weapon. The mountains probably is me abroad, crawling through a tunnel. Broken glasses is probably saying it will take a week to find my feet, wow, I hope so.
Mum with me gambling is because she has given me so much money. Being one away from the jackpot probably means I’m so close to my goals. On holiday in the darkness probably is the unknown. I dunno why I wasn’t inside though. I haven’t got a clue what the hamburger is. Perhaps it’s because I thought up many of my plans in Up all night? Dunno.
I’m back at Ann’s now, obviously. Yasmine came up and cleaned and she reckoned the radio was O.K. We walked to town together. She was thinking of giving up her college course for a job at the Elephant, but didn’t get it. I think she doesn’t go to the course much. Never mind.
I came home & Ann was mad because the hoover had broken. I told her I was only back a couple of weeks but wouldn’t say why. Downtown I signed in but no money has come yet. I saw Simon Hamilton. We talked ect. He’s back with Dawn now! I took some photo’s. Yes. In circle K. I saw a woman I was on E.T. with. We chatted for a while etcre I think it was. I got home and I think that was wednesday. Thursdaynight I went home after seeing Mum at D.H.S. Who gave me £150. I told Ann what I was doing vis Emmigrating. Geoff and Ann looked completely shocked. I suppose they were O.K. about it. Ann gave me £550!!!!! Wow. Geoff kept coming up with all this advice as though he’s ever done anything! He wants to go out later in the week. Twice! I went down-town today to see Dracular, talk about rubbish! Then I bought 2 extra camera bodies, but only 1 works, I’ll have to take the other back Monday. I’ll do the travellors cheques then.
Med = 13 <- earlier missed x2 !
Date: Tuesday 9th February 1993
M 0.3 L- Lounge.
Urgh. I’ll finish about what happened recently.
Friday, I think, when I was coming home I saw Steven Pinder going towards the bus station. If you remember I was in maths class with him. He was also the boy I saw at Chinese New Year 1992 – the Monkey – at Lings. You have to remember this is the Full Moon by the way. Then walking home by the bus stop at the old Kentucky I saw John Haynes who was also there. The chances of that are a million to one shot! Wow.
My passport came. Geoff had a go at me on Sunday for smoking inside so I walked up to get it in the evening. Me + Mum talked ect.
Earlier on Monday about 9pm me + Geoff went to the Elephant. When I walked in a couple of blokes at the bar sat laughing and talking about me, I could see them. I absolutely hated it there. Geoff noticed and said I could go home if I was uncomfortable.
[Taped insert: Rock Circus voucher, British Rail ticket dated 24 JNR 93, Travelcard dated 24 JNR 93]
Chinese New Year.
[Taped insert: Handwritten note reading: Saw Paul Rickie on the market, (the bloke who gave you a lift home from photography), he said hes got a picture of you, with a drop of water hanging off your nose Love YASMINE]
[Taped insert: Two appointment cards from THE MOUNTS MEDICAL CENTRE. Left card: Doctor ?Norse, Date 14-1-93, Time 11-10. Right card: Date Feb 12. Fri, Time 5.00.]
[Taped insert: Sticker for The BUZZ Bar]
? visa day.
[Taped insert: British Rail ticket dated 13 FBY 93, Travelcard dated 13 FBY 93]
[Top margin: Taken with Twits Red eye!]
[Taped insert: Photo of a man making a V sign]
Models by bed
[Taped insert: Photo of a bedroom]
[Taped insert: Photo of a champagne bottle on a table]
Opened Champagne
Models in Oriental pictures.
[Taped insert: Photo of a hand holding a white wrapped object in front of framed pictures]
[Taped insert: Business card for Northampton Borough Council, T. E. Wallis, Environmental Health Technician]
From T. Wallis letter 02 Jan
[Taped insert: Photo of a mug on a table]
[Right margin: New Year Mug Arriving with ticket confirmation]
[Far right margin: Models in Car]
I sorting out christmas from meta-physical book.
[Taped insert: Photo of scattered handwritten notes on a patterned carpet. Visible text includes “THINGS TO DO”, “NEW YEAR”, “REMOTE PAST”, “5 YEARS”, “LIFE”, “NKB”]
Models in Carpet. ->
[Taped insert: Photo of a white wrapped object on a floral patterned carpet]
[Taped insert: Typed letter from Primary House Group]
Primary House Group
300 Gloucester Road, Bristol BS7 8PD, England Tel/Fax: (0272) 429142
11th January 1993
Dear [blanked out]
Thank you for your registration form and payment for our Introductory Certificate Course in TEFL (OPEN UP A TEACHER) to be held in Swansea on Friday 29th to Sunday 31st January 1993.
We are sorry we have had to change the date of this course but tutor availability caused the delay of one week.
Enclosed please find your receipt and when our representative KAREN in Swansea has firmed up the course venue, we shall forward a map showing the location.
If you need any further help please do not hesitate to contact us.
With every good wish for a safe and successful 1993.
Yours sincerely,
E. Anne Hodkinson
E.ANNE HODKINSON
Student Liaison – PHG
Primary House TEFL Training – Primary House ELT Publications
Proprietors:- B. Hodkinson, J. Kay, K. Hodkinson, R. Hodkinson
[Taped insert: Typed Barclaycard statement]
Statement
VISA
BARCLAYCARD
Statement date 25 NOV 92
PO BOX 28 KIRKBY LIVERPOOL L32 8UY TEL:051 473 2500
OPEN MON-FRI 8.00-20.30 SAT 8.30-16.30
Payments sent by post should be addressed to:
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Date Reference Details Amount
BALANCE FROM PREVIOUS STATEMENT 19.59
28OCT 0003059 PAYMENT RECEIVED – THANK YOU 24.99CR
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[Red stamp: 20 DEC 92 BARCLAYS BANK 3 NORTHAMPTON ABINGTON SQUARE 20 – 61 – 51]
[Handwritten over stamp: ?L.S.O.]
CREDIT BALANCE
DO NOT PAY THIS AMOUNT
Credit limit £250
Present balance £27.79CR
[Taped insert: Bank receipt]
Lloyds Bank
TRANSACTION CONFIRMATION
NORTHAMPTON
30-96-09
REF : 00009949
DATE : 12/02/93
TIME : 16:37
AMOUNT: £200.00
THANK YOU FOR USING LLOYDS BANK CASHPOINT
Lloyds Bank cardholders can draw up to £200 a day, check balances and order statements and cheque books at any Lloyds Bank Cashpoint.
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[Taped insert: Bank receipt]
Lloyds Bank
TRANSACTION CONFIRMATION
NORTHAMPTON
30-96-09
REF : 00000723
DATE : 13/02/93
TIME : 20:44
AMOUNT: £200.00
THANK YOU FOR USING LLOYDS BANK CASHPOINT
Lloyds Bank cardholders can draw up to £200 a day, check balances and order statements and cheque books at any Lloyds Bank Cashpoint.
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[Taped insert: Printed brochure]
SAVINGS
INTEREST RATES
[Image: A large percentage sign % made of gold blocks and cylinders]
Savings interest rates from 4.1.93
THE LEEDS
[Sticker insert: Circular sticker]
HELP BRAIN INJURED CHILDREN
[Image: A person helping a child walk]
BIBIC
Date: Tuesday 16th February 1993 T- 6.03am.
L. Mead Guest House, Farnham. Surrey.
M4.
(49)
I went back to middle School INTERPRETATION. Just remenising about school.
I’m here in Farnham!
God it’s ages since I’ve written so I’ll try to include everything. I signed on but my giro was late.
I saw simon downtown Wednesday and he said he’d come up to Darren’s.
Friday I went to see Darren and he weren’t in. later Mum told me he was out cashing a cheque so we missed each other. He turned up at Mum’s house apparently.
Saturday I went to London for my visa. I’ve never been on a saturday and it was pretty crowded. I felt a bit of an idiot down there, but it wasn’t too bad really. Anyway, I applied for the visa and it should be here Wednesday, Friday at the latest.
Sunday was a mad rush. I had been to the doctors on Friday. I told him how nervous I was and he gave me 60 tranquilisers. Then I had my polio injection and it was in my buttock! Horrible, I could feel it going down my leg. Urgh.
Mum came in a rush on Sunday and I was still getting ready. I hadn’t even sorted my box talk about the last minute. Sunday morning I did my chaos magick. I eventually made it into the car and got here. I was a bit lost in Farnham and Mum & Bi left, but I was O.K in the end.
I went to a pub called the _crossed out: plough_ wheat sheaf. The dinner looked a bit iffy, but O.K I suppose. still, I just had a pint of Fosters and two Diazapam. I came to this place called the Mead Guest house. The land lady is a bit dear, but O.K. I suppose. It’s a bit lonely in the guest house, but at least I made it I suppose.
I got up and it was about 7am! I was a bit bored because I forgot my pen. I had breakfast and left. 7 Diazapam and I did it! Most people except one other in the class were graduates. One is an unemployed graduate! One just likes cycling and wants to teach as he cycles! In the class he referred to Pavlov’s experiment with the dogs. I was the only person who knew it so I had to explain! One woman here is a graduate called soo mei, a research chemist. She’s the spitting image of Clare! mind you, I always say that don’t I?. At Lunch we all went to the plough, and that was nice. The lesson itself was really hard, it was grammer, but he said it gets easier from now on. We’ll see! I’d better get ready actually.
I must try to get out to buy a shaver today. After class I’ll go straight to Argos. I’ll see how I get on.
I forgot to bring my money, but I got £250 out of Anglia, Thursday I should have enough. I’ll get the cheques then. God, there,s so much to do. I shall try to have a shower before I get out today
Date: Wednesday 17th February 1993 T- 6.03pm
L- The Mead Guest House. M-39.
I keep waking up later and later, but I’m damn sure I’m not going to be late.
Yesterday was a sort of icy day. In the morning we had a new teacher and I answered quite a few questions. There was quite a good video. Next me, John, the younger graduate male and Soumi all went to the pub. The two boys stood and talked about something so I talked to Soumi. We had to wait ages for a table. She said she comes from Hong Kong, but was born here, but she has been there and to China too. She’s an analitical chemist to and has staff under her but doesn’t like her boss. She has family still over there but they’re not closely related enough to come over. She lives in a flat near Heathrow and shares it with a lodger to help pay the rent. She doesn’t like the job so is thinking about something new. While we were there I’d ran up to the camera shop in my break so I had another 24 film. I got some photos in the pub and on the way back.
That’s made the whole thing worth while really. The afternoon wasn’t so clever really. We were evaluating text books really and I had to write everything up on the board myself. To start with everybody was laughing because I was writing too small, then I wrote Explanation explination so they laughed at that. Then the tutor said once you laugh over a person can lose their confidence but I was brave! The other tutor came in then. Our origional one. He kept going on about tenses again, past perfect ect. Everybody could answer the questions except me! He kept saying can you – and I couldn’t, I had to say no! Horrible. I was really stuck and Soumi or who was sitting next to me whispered the answer. Awful. In the evening some people could stay but I went up with the young graduate to and we parted at boots when I put my film in. I’ll get them Thursday at Lunchtime probably. In the evening I was bored so went to the Jolly sailor. The barman really spilt beer all over me but just messed around to I had two pints & my dinner. Wow. Oh yes. I bought a shaver too. I he £500 now so I
can get the money thursday when I pick the films up. I may ask if I can leave the money at the school.
Date: Thursday 18th February 1993. T- 4.11am
L- Mead Guest House, Surrey M-78.
Wehey! Yesterday I think I had the best day ever in my life. In the morning we, me and Katherine had to sit in on a class of mostly Japanese students. I had been asking round to see if I could keep my money locked up but there was no-where. The class was really hard to understand. We had to go back then to our class to discuss the lesson. Katherine sat away from me near the front, but I don’t know if it was personal. Ha! At Lunch-time there was a cheese and wine party. I took a few photos and “the boys” turned there back on me, for a joke. Then we had these questionares from the day before that we had to fill in. None of the other students dared go up to people so I had went up to 2 Japanese girls on my own who I’d sat or been with when I sat in on there their class. There were two to start with. I asked them if I could fill in my questionaire. We all had a
really long conversation. One was from Yokohama and one was from Tokyo. Next a third girl joined us and she told me all about her land-lady. We talked for ages and I had rather to much to drink. A Hungarian woman told me class was starting but I stayed there talking for ages. Next I had them take photos of me with each of them and one of them took a photo so with their own _crossed out: camera_ camera. They said they’d be in today at 9.15, but I may try to get to the bar 1st. I’ll definately go and talk to people now. When I went back upstairs John passed me a slip with “are you pissed” written on it! The Hungarian woman was giving a lesson in Hungarian and when she asked me a question I had to say I was too drunk to answer, well I said drowsy and everybody laughed.
To be honest, I’m having the time of my life! I wish I could stay for Ever! Yes! At the end I’m going to see if there’s a course abroad I can get on to study some more. Excellent.
After class I left and went
to Wimpys, I was as drunk as anything. Katherine and the Hungarian woman were there and I’d collected some photographs. They have Mum on, There’s the ones from a week last wednesday and they have Simon and Darren on. They’re very good. Wow. Also the ones I’ve took here from the course are great. There is Soumi sticking her tongue out in one and eating a chip in another and just good ones generally. I was using 1600 film at the pub yesterday and I can’t remember if it flashed and I think the light was behind me so I hope to GOD they turn out allright. If so the’ll be the best photographs I’ve ever had. Oh wow, let them be allright. I think there was a window to our slight right, a light above and wall behind so they may have a cast, but should be O.K. I’ll get two sets done on Saturday and sort the album when I’m alone on Saturday evening. Today I’ll buy a 24 1000 film if Boots is open & I have a 400 36 in there now, that should be O.K. I’m really looking forward to putting the photos in. Yes, it’s gonna be
GREAT..
I’m hoping today that everything open’s at 9 am, not 9.30 so I can get everything done and have lunch free. I hope so. I think it’s 9, banks usually open 9-3. For the film I can try boots, if not there’s a proper camera shop here so I’ll see if that’s open. I’m so happy.
I _crossed out: rang_ _crossed out: P_ wrote to Darren, Simon and Yasmine, I’ll probably see them at the weekend and if not, well, that’s it.
I’ll ring Mum & Ann today. I’ll tell Ann I’m happy and may ask Geoff to check my grammar. I found my money box by the way. If I ring at 8 he should still be in, right. Must I’ll ring Mum and ask her to buy the last of my bits. Awesome! The money belt was in my pocket all the time.
Date: Thursday 18th February 1993 T-8-38pm
L-Mead Guest House M-7.9.
I’ve only just got back and I’m a little drunk so you’ll have to excuse me. Firstly, I didn’t see the Japanese girls again but everybody was laughing about how drunk I was. Secondly we all went to the pub again. Ronnie was there and other people Re, Chris, the two John’s, Sam. didn’t come to class but never mind. An oldish man came and told us about his experience of TEFL. I showed my photos around and Serena sat next to me. It was all very good. Tommorrow we all have to present a lesson to the class as though they were foreigners and we prepared that in the afternoon. I took loads of photographs and it’s going to be brilliant. MUST get my Anglia card sorted out. As I understand it’s best to get experience as with the certificate I have and then go on to the British council. I’ll see what happens. *
In the evening, Chris, the graduate (well, they all are), asked me out for a drink so we went to the plough and then on to a wine bar. We got a bit drunk and started talking about the females on the foreign language course. He said I was really confident and I admitted I was on tranquilizers. We had a really good talk and I can honestly say I’ve never got on with anybody as well as I have done with him, I’m so sad the course is ending. Damn. Bugger. Anyway I’m just back from the wine bar now and we’ve arranged to turn up at 9.00am at the course so we can meet the foreign students to ask them out for a drink / date. I’ll have to be out really early to go and get some money, but it will be well worth it. Tommorrow will be the big day because I do my 1st lesson and then meet Chris (will also be, well, trying to pull students! Very strange. I’ll have to set up early to be ready and check with the land-lady that I can stay an extra day. Geoff will HAVE to get the box up to Mum’s me I’ll _crossed out: of_ have to see about that. I think tommorrow I’ll have to ring Geoff & make sure the box can go up and on Saturday go back on the 1st train of 6 am. I’ll ring Mum in the afternoon to tell her what my plans are! If I stay over I’ll be up early, drop my film’s in the Boots, sort the box out, make sure Ann has enough boxes and then put the box in order, see Simon and go home! Damn. What a bummer it will be. If Geoff could get the box up it would be much better. I’d only have to pop in Ann’s. I’ll have to ring and see. I’ll do the middle pillar now and visualise to make sure every-thing goes O.K. We’ll see. Oh, I’m tiared. I’m going to bed! Sod it!
[Taped insert: Royal Mail Certificate of Posting for Recorded Delivery. Addressed to: Passport Office, Aragon Court, Northminster Rd, Peterborough, PE1 1QG. Date stamp: 26 JA 93. Recorded Delivery no: A 424413] Passport application.
[Top margin: from A.Z. on 18th Feb 1993 in class.]
[Taped insert: A red Valentine’s Day card with pink and white stripes, gold text reading “For my Valentine”, and red heart stickers.]
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A PHOTOCOPYING SERVICE IS ALSO AVAILABLE
TRAILFINDERS THE TRAVEL EXPERTS
42-50 Earls Court Road Kensington London W8 6EJ
Long haul flights 071-938 3366 European and transatlantic flights 071-937 5400 Telex 919670 Fax 071-937 9294
Opening hours 09.00-18.00 Monday to Saturday Sunday 10.00-14.00
BOOKING NO 313165
DATE 22FEB93
INVOICE NO 19FEB93
QF002 V 22FEB LHR BKK 1215 0640+1 OK 06JAN CONFIRMED 269.00
Hotel THE BOULEVARD BKK on 23FEB
Accom.: 1 SINGLE ROOM for 2 nights 78.00
YOUR TICKETS WILL BE SENT OUT APPROXIMATELY 10DAYS BEFORE DEPARTURE. PLEASE CHECK THAT YOUR NAME ON THIS BOOKING FORM IS SPELT IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS ON YOUR PASSPORT. THANK YOU.
DUE TO IMMIGRATION REQUIREMENTS IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU PURCHASE AN ONWARD OR RETURN TICKET BEFORE COMMENCING YOUR JOURNEY.
WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU PURCHASE YOUR ONWARD/RETURN TICKETS BEFORE LEAVING THE UK. TRAILFINDERS ARE UNABLE TO SELL OR FORWARD TICKETS TO PASSENGERS WHO HAVE ALREADY LEFT THE UK.
IF YOUR ITINERARY INCLUDES THE NOTATION + FOLLOWED BY A NUMBER AFTER THE ARRIVAL TIME THIS INDICATES THE FOLLOWING DAY(S) LOCAL TIME
CANCELLATION CONDITIONS ARE DETAILED OVERLEAF. IN PARTICULAR PLEASE NOTE
LON/BKK 25% Non-Refundable. Fixed dates.
Insurance taken out at the time of booking is strongly recommended.
TOTAL (FARES ETC) 347.00
BOOKING DEPOSIT (PLUS INSURANCE IF APPLICABLE) 347.00
BALANCE DUE .00
VISA REQUIREMENTS
THAILAND
RECOMMENDED IMMUNISATION
JAP B ENCEPH
HEPATITIS
POLIO TETANUS TYPHOID MALARIA
FINAL PAYMENT DUE NOT LATER THAN
REMINDERS WILL NOT BE SENT
15JAN93
CHECK ALL DETAILS OF YOUR TRAVEL DOCUMENTS BEFORE LEAVING THE U.K. IF THERE ARE ANY QUERIES CONTACT TRAILFINDERS IMMEDIATELY.
PLEASE RETURN THIS PORTION WITH PAYMENT
SUNDAY OPENING (1000-1400) IS FOR TELESALES ONLY. OUR TICKET COLLECTION DEPARTMENT IS CLOSED
CONSULTANT 3RT (ROB)
BOOKING NO 313165
METHODS OF PAYMENT:
1. PERSONAL (AND COMPANY) CHEQUES: Payment for travel arrangements may be made by personal or company cheque. Cheques should be made payable to TRAILFINDERS LTD. Please note, however, that we require 8 WORKING DAYS FOR CHEQUE CLEARANCE before tickets can be issued. It is therefore advisable to confirm with Trailfinders that there is sufficient time between cheque payment and any ticketing deadline. For urgent ticketing we can usually arrange special clearances within 48 hours. Please add £20 to cover this special clearance service. Foreign currency cheques are not acceptable.
2. BANK AND BUILDING SOCIETY DRAFTS: These are treated as cash if received at a time when the relevant bank or building society is open and able to verify the cheque, i.e., before 4 pm weekdays, or 12 pm on a Saturday.
3. CASH: Please note we advise clients not to post cash to us.
4. CREDIT CARDS: Payment may be made by Barclaycard/Visa, Access/Mastercard and Connect cards may pay over the telephone. Please quote your CARD NUMBER, CARD EXPIRY DATE, NAME AS PRINTED ON CARD, ADDRESS TO WHICH CARD IS REGISTERED, and AMOUNT to be deducted. If the credit card is in a name other than that of the person travelling then we require written authorisation by the cardholder.
All payments sent to Trailfinders should be accompanied by the passenger’s name and booking number.
IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND OUR BOOKING CONDITIONS (YOUR CONTRACT WITH TRAILFINDERS) AS SHOWN ON THE REVERSE SIDE OF THIS FORM.
TRAILFINDERS THE TRAVEL EXPERTS
42-50 Earls Court Road Kensington London W8 6EJ 071-938 3366
VISA GUIDE (Tourists) BY NATIONALITY
V = Visa required
* = No entry allowed
COUNTRIES | ADDRESS AND HOURS (NR CLOSED ON UK AND LOCAL NATIONAL HOLIDAYS) | COST (UK PASSPORT HOLDER) | NUMBER OF PHOTOS | NUMBER OF FORMS | TIME REQUIRED | LENGTH OF STAY ALLOWED | UK | USA | Canada | Australia | New Zealand | Rep of Ireland | South Africa
AUSTRALIA | Australia House, Strand, WC2 071-379 4334 Deposit – 09.00-12.00 Collect – 14.00-15.30 | FREE £15 WORKING HOLIDAY VISA | 1 | 1 | 2 DAYS 2 DAYS | UP TO 3 MONTHS UP TO 12 MONTHS | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
NEW ZEALAND | High Commission, NZ House, Haymarket, SW1 071-930 8422 09.30-16.00 | – | – | – | 2 DAYS APPROX 3 WEEKS | UP TO 12 MONTHS 3-6 MONTHS | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
U.S.S.R. | 5 Kensington Palace Gdns, W8 071-229 3215 10.00-12.30 ex Wed | £15 (ACCOM VOUCHERS) | 3 | 3 | MINIMUM 14 DAYS | VARIABLE | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
ASIA
BURMA | 19A Charles St, W1 071-499 8841 10.00-12.00 | £20 (WITH TOUR RESERVATION) | 3 | 3 | 3-4 DAYS | 14 DAYS | V | * | * | * | * | * | *
CHINA | 31 Portland Place, London W1 071-636 1835 09.00-12.00 | £25 | 1 | 1 | 4 DAYS | 30 DAYS | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
HONG KONG | British Passport Office, Clive House, 70 Petty France, SW1 071-213 5010 09.30-16.30 | – | – | – | – | – | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
INDIA | High Commission, India House, Aldwych, WC2 071-836 0990 09.15-13.00 | £3-16 MULTIPLE ENTRY | 3 | 3 | UK RESIDENTS 2 DAYS OTHERS VARIABLE | 6 MONTHS | V | CHECK | V | V | V | V | V
INDONESIA | 38 Grosvenor Square, W1X 071-499 7661 10.00-13.00 14.30-16.30 | – | – | – | – | – | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
JAPAN | 43-46 Grosvenor St, W1 071-493 6030 10.00-12.30 14.30-16.00 | – | – | – | 7-10 DAYS | 3 MONTHS | V | V | V | CHECK | V | V | V
MALAYSIA | 45 Belgrave Sq, SW1 071-235 8033 09.30-12.15 | – | – | – | – | – | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
NEPAL | 12A Kensington Palace Gardens, W8 071-229 1594 10.00-12.00 | £15 PER ENTRY | 1 | 1 | 2 DAYS | 30 DAYS | V | * | V | V | V | V | V
PAKISTAN | 34 Lowndes Square, SW1 071-235 2044 10.00-13.00 | £30 SINGLE ENTRY £50 DOUBLE ENTRY | 2 | 2 | 3 DAYS | 3 MONTHS | V | * | V | V | V | V | V
PHILIPPINES | 9A Palace Green, W8 071-937 3646 09.00-13.00 | – | 1 | 1 | 2 DAYS | 59 DAYS | V | * | V | V | V | V | V
SINGAPORE | 9 Wilton Crescent, SW1X 8SA 071-235 8315 10.00-12.30 14.00-16.00 | – | – | – | – | – | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
S. KOREA | 4 Palace Gate, W8 071-581 3330 10.00-12.00 14.00-16.00 | – | – | – | – | – | V | V | V | CHECK | V | V | V
SRI LANKA | 13 Hyde Park Gardens, W2 071-262 1841 09.30-13.00 | – | – | – | 1 MONTH | 1 MONTH | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
TAIWAN | Dorland House, 14-16 Lower Regent St, SW1 071-930 5767 10.00-13.00 | PAYMENT ON ARRIVAL APPROX £10 | 2 | 1 | 1 DAY | 60 DAYS | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
THAILAND | 30 Queensgate, SW7 071-589 2957 09.30-12.30 | £8 PER ENTRY | 2 | 1 | 3 DAYS | 60 DAYS | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
AFRICA
EGYPT | 2 Lowndes St, SW1X 9ET 071-235 9719 10.00-12.00 | £15 SINGLE ENTRY £18 TRIPLE ENTRY | 1 | 1 | 2 DAYS | 1 MONTH | V | * | V | V | V | V | V
KENYA | 45 Portland Place, W1N 4AS 071-636 2371 09.30-12.00 14.00-15.30 | – | 2 | 2 | 1 DAY | 3 MONTHS | V | CHECK | V | V | V | V | V
SOUTH AFRICA | Trafalgar Square, WC2 071-930 4488 10.00-12.00 14.00-16.00 | – | 1 | 1 | VARIABLE | VARIABLE | V | V | V | V | V | V | V
TANZANIA | 43 Hertford St, W1 071-499 8951 10.00-12.30 | £18.00 | 2 | 2 | 3 DAYS | VARIABLE | V | CHECK | * | * | * | * | *
(Where P: visitors pass required – best obtained before departure – 1 form required only)
WHERE NO VISA IS REQUIRED LENGTH OF STAY ALLOWED IN COUNTRIES VARIES ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY
* NO ENTRY
[Taped insert: Printed travel itinerary]
TRAILFINDERS THE TRAVEL EXPERTS
42-50 Earls Court Road Kensington London W8 6EJ
Long Haul Flights 071-938 3366 European and Transatlantic Flights 071-937 5400 Tailor M/M/S/T/T/T/T 071-938 3939
Opening hours 09.00-18.00 Monday to Saturday Sunday 10.00-14.00
QF002 V 22FEB LHR BKK 1215 0640+1 OK 06JAN
Hotel THE BOULEVARD BKK on 23FEB
Accom: 1 SINGLE ROOM for 2 nights CONFIRMED 29.00
YOUR TICKETS WILL BE SENT OUT APPROXIMATELY 10DAYS BEFORE DEPARTURE. 78.00
PLEASE CHECK THAT YOUR NAME ON THIS BOOKING FORM IS SPELT IN
EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS ON YOUR PASSPORT. THANK YOU.
DUE TO IMMIGRATION REQUIREMENTS IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU PURCHASE
AN ONWARD OR RETURN TICKET BEFORE COMMENCING YOUR JOURNEY.
WE RECOMMEND THAT YOU PURCHASE YOUR ONWARD/RETURN TICKETS BEFORE
LEAVING
[Taped insert over itinerary: Credit card sales voucher]
BARCLAYS MERCHANT SERVICES VISA Mastercard
DAY 15 MONTH 01 YEAR 93
DEPT. M
SALES No 313165
INITIALS ZW
DESCRIPTION Travel
AMOUNT 307 00
AUTHORISATION CODE 084673
TOTAL POUNDS PENCE 307 00
CARDHOLDER’S SIGNATURE Telesales
SALES VOUCHER PLEASE KEEP THIS COPY FOR YOUR RECORDS
HEPATITIS
POLIO TETANUS TYPHOID MALARIA
CHECK ALL DETAILS OF YOUR TRAVEL DOCUMENTS BEFORE LEAVING THE U.K. IF THERE ARE ANY QUERIES CONTACT TRAILFINDERS IMMEDIATELY.
SUNDAY OPENING (1000-1400) IS FOR TELESALES ONLY.
OUR TICKET COLLECTION DEPARTMENT IS CLOSED
NAME MR J.LIPTON
CONSULTANT JRT (ROB)
BOOKING NO 313165
[Taped insert: Printed letter]
SURREY LANGUAGE CENTRES
SURREY TRANSLATION BUREAU
39 West Street, Farnham, Surrey GU9 7DR Tel: (0252) 723494 Fax: (0252) 733519 Telex: 859859 SULANG G
8 January 1993
Dear [blanked out]
Thank you for your application form and payment for the TEFL course starting on Monday 15 February 1993. I would like to confirm your place on the course. I have enclosed your invoice of receipt, and a map of Farnham Town Centre indicating car parks, and places to eat etc. Thank you very much
Yours sincerely
T. Hutchings
TRUDY HUTCHINGS
ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT
[Taped insert: ATM Receipt]
THANK YOU FOR USING
ABBEYLINK
DATE TIME TERM
17/02/93 10:12 A019801
FARNHAM 17 THE BOROUGH
RECORD NO 0018
WITHDRAWAL £250.00
FROM 999999999999999999
A/C BAL £2,347.62
AVAILABLE £2,347.62
[Taped insert: Till Receipt]
BOOTS THE CHEMISTS LTD.,
9 THE PARADE, NORTHAMPTON, NN1 2BY
2117 0084 565
FILM PROCESSING QTY 1 7.99
FILM PROCESSING QTY 1 7.99
FILM PROCESSING QTY 1 7.99
FILM PROCESSING QTY 1 8.95
FILM PROCESSING QTY 1 8.93
TOTAL 41.85
CASH 42.00
CHANGE .15
20/02/93 15:15
[written vertically between receipts: End of film / new film]
[Taped insert: Till Receipt]
BOOTS THE CHEMISTS LTD.,
9 THE PARADE, NORTHAMPTON, NN1 2BY
3558 0084 099
HAIR SHAMPOO QTY 1 3.39
LYNX BODY SPRAY QTY 1 2.09
JF STING RELIEF CR QTY 1 1.65
BTS CLEAR PLASTERS QTY 1 .67
INSECT REPELLENT QTY 1 2.65
NIVEA SUNBLOCK LTN QTY 1 5.99
20 SOLUBLE ASPIRIN QTY 1 .45
SAVLON DRY SPRAY QTY 1 2.60
TOTAL 19.49
CHEMIST GOODS QTY 1 3.99
TOTAL 23.48
CASH 30.00
CHANGE 6.52
20/02/93 13:34
[written vertically between receipts: 4 films 24 exp]
[Taped insert: Till Receipt]
*** SUPASNAPS LTD. ***
27 THE BOROUGH, FARNHAM
VATREG 226 6599 33 BRANCH K18
170293 1721 A00015 T03-00018
C3043 * 4.59 4.59
1 X F1 400 135-36 FILM
TOTAL TO PAY 4.59
CASH TENDERED .00
CASH TENDERED 10.00
CHANGE 5.41
ALL PRICES INCLUDE VAT
THANK YOU
FOR SHOPPING AT
SUPASNAPS
[Taped insert: Printed Invoice with handwritten additions]
WORLDWIDE VISAS LTD
071-379 0419
CLIENT
Our Ref. 5624
Date 13/2/93
Name(s) [blanked out]
Countries to be visited
THAILAND £8.00
POST £2.50
Nett £17.00
VAT £2.98
TOTAL £ 30.50
Cheque / Cash / CC / Other [tick mark]
VAT No. 420 4594 73
Invoice Required YES [ ] NO [tick mark]
[Red stamp over text: PAID]
[Taped insert: ATM Receipt]
Nationwide
15 FEB 93 13:47 W0331Z
FARNHAM 0331
RECORD NO. 4002
WITHDRAWAL £ 250.00
A/C BAL £ 2847.62
AVAIL. BAL £ 2847.62
Nationwide Building Society
[Taped insert: Photograph of foil with red letters A and T]
[Taped insert: Dark photograph of a lit object, possibly candles, with date stamp 10 3:30]
[Taped insert: Green form from Northampton College with handwritten entries]
Northampton College
FEE 12.50
SUBJECT STARTING PHOTOGRAPHY
EXAM NO. 020
TUTOR INITIALS DTG
EXAM DATE 11-1-92
[Printed text on right side of form]
EXAMINATIONS
SPEC FEE
13JAN ’93W777A2210 13:22R .00 CLERK-B
[Taped insert: Printed invoice]
I N V O I C E
SURREY
LANGUAGE
TRAINING
LTD
Sandford House
39 West Street
Farnham
Surrey GU9 7DR
England
Tel. (0252) 723494
Fax (0252) 733519
Date 07/01/1993
[Blurred out section]
INVOICE 06688
ONE WEEK T.E.F.L. COURSE 165.00
15TH FEBRUARY 1993 – 19TH FEBRUARY 1993
PAID IN FULL – THANK-YOU
THIS IS NOT A V.A.T. INVOICE
V.A.T. Registration Number: GB 572879585
Company Registration Number: 2622664
SURREY LANGUAGE TRAINING LTD
Sub Total £ 165.00
V.A.T. £ 0
TOTAL £ 165.00
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
+ | –
Artwork | Interaction with class
Good Physical Actions. | Purely vocab. (exercise only.)
[Top right margin]
Other Students “Secret”!
Means must memorise from my teaching extracts?
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
(1) Good acting
_crossed out: (2) Visuals could_
(1) Creative
Smart
|
(1) Visuals could be better mounted (Stiff card).
(2) Delivered too fast
– Not enough time to take in word + picture associations
[Middle right margin, with arrow pointing to the scrap above]
I know this one is Soumis
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
– | +
too much vocabulary
_crossed out: Insufficient use of_ | Well resourced.
[Taped insert: Printed and handwritten receipt]
MEADS GUEST HOUSE
48 WEST STREET
FARNHAM, SURREY
(0252) 715298
Room 2
B&B
5 nights £75.00
Paid with Thanks Phil
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
KITCHEN ASSISTANT.
[Middle right margin]
^ 1 Hours drive
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap on lined paper]
John Howard,
34, Lottie Road,
Selly Oak,
Birmingham, B29 6JZ
[Printed calendar: January]
[Below middle right scrap]
^ Johns address
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
+ | TALL
Simple diagrams | – except confusing above Rose/cheese
Preparation | Flash cards (of roses/tools) could have been blue-tacked on board!
[Below bottom left scrap]
^ ?Yabbys ?
[Taped insert: Printed receipt]
Shopping
SAFEWAY
WHERE GOOD IDEAS COME NATURALLY
£
DIET PEPSI 2.15
S S+VIN CR/STICKS 0.45
T+S CHS+ON PASTYX3 0.99
**** TOT 3.59
CASH 10.00
CHANGE 6.41
REMEMBER – SAVE THIS TILL SLIP TOWARDS THE SAFEWAY/THOMSON HOLIDAY PROMOTION
16/02/93 17:49 7150 06 0621 116
THANK YOU
PLEASE CALL AGAIN
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
Miss Katherine Brown.
Bracken Wood
Rakehanger
Hill Brow
LISS
Hampshire
GU33 7NP.
[Top right margin]
Katherines address (now in Peru)
[Taped insert: Handwritten scrap]
+ | –
_crossed out: was_ entertainin | moved v. quick
[inserted above: le] held attention | seemed quite nervous.
good use of props. | [Blurred out section with scribbles]
[Middle right margin, with arrow pointing to the scrap above]
<- another students anonymous evaluation
[Taped insert: Photograph of a room with a map of the UK and Ireland on the wall, framed pictures, and a chair with stuffed animals.]
[Taped insert: Photograph of a birthday cake with lit candles in a dark room. Date stamp on photo: 10 3:28]
_crossed out: After_ The Ritual Ages ago, just about to work.
[Taped insert: Boots receipt]
BOOTS THE CHEMISTS LTD., FARNHAM.
48-49 THE BOROUGH, FARNHAM, GU9 7NW
2493 0949 050
FUJI REALA FILM QTY 1 3.59
FUJI FILM QTY 1 3.69
KODAK EXTAR QTY 1 4.69
TOTAL 11.97
CASH 15.00
CHANGE 3.03
18/02/93 9:03
[End insert]
?Extra
& leaflet from pub.
[Taped insert: Hand-drawn flyer]
A PAXO PRODUCTION….
THE Sunday Roast.
12-3PM
HOUSE AND GARAGE TUNEZ
PLUS CHEAP DRINKS: EVERY SUN:
DJS JOE FLANAGAN AND MARCUS:
AT THE PLOUGH FARNHAM.
[End insert]
[Taped insert: Torn brown paper with a printed postage mark “1 POSTAGE PAID PHQ 315”]
Jason Lipton
Gone over weston Fundle walking round or in pub
Darren
[End insert]
letter from darren
[Image of a closed red notebook, no text]